Going through it again by Devondog

My wife died from metastatic pancreatic cancer aged 49 , it was so quick there was no chemo or radiotherapy just morphine. I’d heard of this forum and joined just after the passing in April 2020, if put me in chats with a wide spectrum of people who’d lost or were experiencing the various stages of many cancers . One person in particular was an absolute angel, this woman had lost her partner of many years to lung cancer and was still on the forum to support people. We’d chat and discuss our stories and I found he’d experience of life and death very honest and that’s what I needed , my colleagues at work hadn’t or didn’t want share my loss with any serious input. We eventually met eventhough we lived on opposite sides of the uk but our lives and experiences didn’t see that as a barrier , even through Covid lockdowns. We started dating and spent 4 years together but after that my beautiful found friend / partner found out she had colon cancer and it was inoperable, the impact on us was devastating, why , why ? After a course of chemo and an operation to fit a stoma bag on this beautiful 47 year old dux eventually overwhelm this fantastic woman, she FaceTimed me to say that the relationship was over and that her main priorities were turned to herself and her immediate family, she gave up her home and moved in with her parents. I wasn’t going to let this woman walk this alone and we are maintaining a friendship in which I support her every step of the way . The way this cancer has totally ruined her outlook into a survival battle is absolutely heartbreaking. It’s like talking to a different person both in physical features and thinking . There’s been a 3 month break in chemo but in January there’s another scan and this beautiful woman had to face this , any help or guidance please x I’m lost and broken but trying to help and spur on this woman who by the way is fighting this every step every inch of the way , please has cancer changed anyone else’s relationship with the patient totally being reinvented to a new personality, the chemo has affected her energy and memory, I’m recalling happier times and I see her searching for times , I see her falling asleep in an instant. So any help please post xx

  • Hi Louisdog,

    Firstly I'm sorry to hear of the situation with your friend / partner, and I hope that the forum can be of some support to you at this time, like it perhaps was a few years ago.

    It sounds like you are being very supportive and I'm sure she appreciates this. I understand this must be taking a toll on you as well. Do keep speaking to others around you where you can, and us on here, as it often helps to talk.

    I'm sure there are others here who will be able to relate to what you're saying. Hopefully you'll get some more replies to your post soon from others with similar experience to share.

    You can also use the search bar at the top to find other relevant discussions and people to connect with, if you'd like to.

    We are always here whenever you may need it.

    Wishing you all the best,

    Ben
    Cancer Chat Moderator

  • Thanks Ben , but I’ve no honest support, it’s just me and Cath, I’m there for Cath all the way , but how do I share or use the contact links to other people ? 

  • Hi Louisdog, 

    If you'd like to make contact with others, then our handy guides about private messaging and how to add friends will help you get started.

    If you do find any discussions on the forum that you want to join in on, just click on the pink 'reply' button underneath a member's post, as you did when replying to Moderator Ben.

    Kind regards,

    Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator

  • Thanks Ben , I’ve no honest support from anyone, I’m there for my Cath all the way , how do I contact people for help or to support them . 

  • Hi Louisdog,

    Hopefully you are able to see the reply from Moderator Steph above, which has some links to help guides for how to get in contact with others on the forum.

    If you would like to speak to our nurses at any point, they are available on freephone 0808 800 4040 - Monday-Friday, 9-5 (excluding Christmas Eve and bank holidays).

    Best wishes,

    Ben
    Cancer Chat Moderator