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Second tongue biopsy

Subiedoo
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Hi,

I have been living life since my tongue biopsy in July 2022 and subsequent surgery in September 2022.

I was diagnosed with moderate dysplasia on my tongue and had the area removed. 6 monthly checks ups followed and now I am preparing for my second tongue biopsy on Wednesday 4th Dec.

I remember the last one vividly, my tongue wasn’t sore then but it is now leading up to this procedure.

I changed my life 2 years ago after surgery, changed to working a part time job that I love, the small team are wonderful and our work makes people happy in the community where I live and beyond.  I look after my 3 year old granddaughter 1 day a week and I have 1 day off to do housework or go to lunch with family or friends.

I have a wonderful husband, 2 grown beautiful daughters and sweet grandchildren and I count my blessings every day, I realise some people don’t have that.

I am 58 and my mum had oral cancer but she was much older than me, she smoked for quite a few years, I have never smoked but grew up in a house of smoke.

My mum was also a narcissist and I didn’t realise until I was in my 50’s, ultimately I had been with her during her biopsies and neck dissection op which was awful and she got secondary breast cancer and died in Nov 2021.

I have lots of emotion not just around my ongoing journey but also the fact that I went no contact with my mum the year before she died because my mum decided to leave her husband of 29 years when he was dying of cancer, he died 6 weeks after she left him and I couldn’t comprehend why she did that…

3 months before mum died she called me, I went to see her but I was guarded, I felt very sad because I thought we had always been close but I didn’t really understand why our relationship was not right.

I stayed with her the night before she died and I felt I did what I needed for closure. She did say to me she shouldn’t have left her husband and I didn’t respond.
My mum was awful after my step father died and said if I went to his funeral she wouldn’t go. Of course I was going to his funeral but she didn’t attend.

My brother and his wife encouraged mum to leave her doting husband and got her to change her will leaving everything to them. My love for my mum was never what I could get from her, in fact I doted on her, it was based on love and respect but it was sorely tested and I was let down. 

I had a nervous breakdown after mum died and that delayed me following up on my dentists concerns about my tongue ulcers.

All my emotions about my journey are still entangled in what happened with my mum and I don’t know how to separate them and it feels harder for me now, constantly going back and reliving what happened with my mum.

I have a fabulous sister who went no contact with mum 3 years before she died because my mum was hateful towards her, I thank god for my sister every day and we talk lots.

Gosh so much to unpick, my head is spinning and it’s 3.30 in the morning.

I am so anxious about getting my biopsy results but I am also very grateful for the love I feel around me.

Does anyone have a positive story about second tongue biopsies for dysplasia. I feel a bit swamped by doom and gloom and worry about getting an outcome that is going to start me on a very tough journey, I know this time it feels different.

Thank you if you read this far. What I feel saddest about is all my family and closest friends are worrying too but they wouldn’t say to me that they are. I wish they didn’t have to deal with my journey either.

  • Hi Subiedoo,

    It sounds like you have been through a lot with all this and I can understand what you say about it being entangled, and that you are still dealing with a lot of things.

    I see that your appointment was yesterday, so I hope that it went OK.

    Do remember we are always here whenever you may need it, even if it's just to write things down. I know that it can be difficult when those closest to you are worrying - sometimes it is helpful to talk to others who you may not know so well, but who can understand, such as those on this forum.

    If ever you feel you'd like to talk things through regarding what you went through with your mum, it might be worth having a look at Cruse. They have lots of resources and a helpline, and also links to local support options.

    I hope that it's not long for you to wait to find out more following your appointment, and in the meantime I hope that the forum can be helpful for you and that you get some more replies soon. If not, you can also search for other discussions (using the bar at the top of the page) and people to connect with.

    Wishing you all the best,

    Ben
    Cancer Chat Moderator

  • Offline in reply to Moderator Ben

    Thank you so much Ben.

    I realise reading my message back that I just blurted all the sadness out which happens now & again. Some days I feel at peace with it all.

    Cruse is a good shout, I did have 2 lots of private counselling but that was before I was diagnosed with dysplasia.

    I read another persons post, seabreeze I think, and they made me feel more determined to be as brave as possible yesterday, thank you whoever you are ️

    The biopsy went well, I took paracetamol and ibuprofen before my procedure, the Dr put in 3 injections, although I felt those I just counted and winced but felt nothing else, it was so much better than last time and I am so grateful for that.

    For anyone else going for a biopsy that maybe anxious, make sure to let the team know beforehand, I did. They booked me in at 9am so I didn’t have to wait around and they gave me more injections, I didn’t have 3 last time, they talked to me in a calming manner throughout and I felt really cared for.

    I have a 2-3 week wait for my results.

    My husband and I are hoping for the best but I think we are both accepting of whatever comes.  

    Cancer Research has always been my husband’s and I monthly charity donation but I never thought I would be helping myself.

    Thank you for the support, it means so much.

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