Hi there , not sure if I’m in the right place but really need some advice . 

I was diagnosed with melanoma early this year . I had the skin cancer removed Aswell as my lymph nodes and a skin graft . To be honest this year has been hell I’ve been admitted to hospital 6 times as I couldn’t keep anything down , I lost 3 stone in a month and I had terrible pain on my right side . After further tests and scans in hospital during my stays they found I had 5 broken ribs Aswell as colitis this was all after my surgery for the cancer so it’s been a tough few months . 

Anyway I start immunotherapy treatment next week for a year . I’m really not coping my mental health is on the floor and I can’t sleep . My partner has been very unsupportive , everybody thinks he has been amazing because he came to see me each time whilst I was in hospital and took me to my appointments etc but he won’t even give me a cuddle , he never reassures me and he knows my confidence is on the floor especially with my legs as they now look a mess . Last time he came to the hospital with me to have my dressings changed he kept telling me how the nurse wanted him he could tell by the way she was looking at him . Since then I have completely shut down with him and I won’t let him come to any appointments nor do I want him there from next week when I start my treatment . 

I’m so worried especially with all the side affects and my consultant said that 1 in 7 people end up being hospitalised with this treatment and she said it will probably make my colitis worse than it is . If I get poorly I won’t have anybody to look after me . 

things at home have been hell last 4-6 weeks , we don’t talk , we don’t communicate . I cry every single day he can hear me but just ignores it . I’m still being sick and a few weeks ago I didn’t make it to toilet in time and was sick all over room floor , he was on phone to his mate and just carried on speaking to him as if nothing happened . When I called him up on it he said ‘well ur always sick ‘ . 

we have 3 children together our youngest being 12 , my eldest who is 18 has made it clear that if I leave he wants to stay here , by the way the home is his as is the car and all the furniture. I have everything up 15 years ago to live with him so I have nothing . How can I leave and take my kids if I have nothing it’s not fair on them . He knows this and now keeps telling me to go . I havnt slept in days and am now wondering whether I should even bother going through with treatment because it’s going to be so hard . 

I don’t have any friends and I’m not very close to my family . 

sometimes in my darkest hours I think it’s best if I just die anyway everybody will be better off without me , I’m a burden to everyone. I’ve become somebody I don’t recognise , I’m miserable , depressed and angry all the time . He tells me ‘who would want to be around you ‘ I hate the person I’ve become . 

he shows all signs of being a narcissist but I worry whether it’s me who’s the narcissist. 

I feel so ill Aswell . My head hurts , my throat is sore and swollen and my chest feels tights constantly . 

please help me what do I do?