unsupportive boyfirend

Hi

I f eel so lonely and scared. We have struggled during our 4 year relationship. He has no emotion and shows no empathy. Even now when the going is tough. I thought that he maybe would try harder. Feeling so scared of what lies ahead. 

I went for my appointment on Saturday which he knew well in advance. He never works on Saturdays then the day before the appointment he said he needed to go to work on the same Saturday as the appointment.

He knew how important my appointment was and said he'll be back in time. He knew I needed that support before my appointment as well as during and after my appointment too. He phoned me 2.5 hours before my appointment , started for no reason and swore at me then put the phone down on me.

He never turned up to my appointment and never once rang or messaged me to see how it went. I went through this all alone.

the next day, he rang me very early in the morning but I was sleeping. he then messaged and not once asked how i was. kept going on about how I don't support him as he lives alone and its ok for me because I have my family near by.

He went on to say that he got a time and a half pay for working on the Saturday and he wasnt going to not work - bearing in mind, hes declined every single one in the past 1.5 years.

I messaged him back saying that hes not once asked how my appoint went. I even told him I had breast cancer. he completely ignored it and said im selfish because I dont support him with his job. I kept repeating the same message how I have breast cancer but and not once asked how I am. he ignored this and said that hes not supporting someone who cant be there for him and its simple. His words.

he then tells me to take care and how hes not having me blaming him for going to work.

 

A part of me thinks hes done this on purpose. Ive always helped him when hes had issues and feel like im not getting support. He always belittles me and not once asked if im going to be ok.

I feel sick, haven't slept and hurt that he could be like this.

Is this really my fault?

  • Hello AnjaliG,I am really sorry to hear all this ,but welcome to this site ,where you will get a lot of support.

    I am sorry you have found out that you have breast cancer , have you been given a treatment plan yet ?

    The breast nurses can be very supportive ,tell them about any concerns you have . 
    Unfortunatly your partner sounds pretty selfish and useless to me .I did find my husband wasn’t the greatest to talk to when I was diagnosed with bilateral breastcancer but he supported me . I think a lot of men have difficulties showing their feelings .
    I think you need to concentrate on your well being now and not worry about him .Try and find support from friends and family .Non of this is your fault !
    Keep in touch and all the best ,we are all here for you xxx

  • Hi AnjaliG,

    A very warm welcome to our forum. 

    I am really sorry to hear that you are not getting the support that you need at this time. It sounds as if your relationship is not ideal and it's maybe time to move on. As Rumplestiltskin says, a number of partners have difficulty in coping with a cancer diagnosis and don't know how to cope. They also find it difficult to understand how much this upsets us and why we need so much support at this stage. Do you have the support of family and friends?

    How did your appointment go on Saturday - did they give you a diagnosis straight away and do you have any further appointments?

    Please keep in touch and let us know how you are getting on. We are always here for you.

    Kind regards,

    Jolamine xx