Good afternoon all.

First time here, sorry this is so long winded.

I have had a mole of some sort up on the middle / top of my inner thigh and it was not at the back but near the back, so i did not know it was there, it could have been there years and i would not have known about it.

Doing the math's and looking at our past abroad holidays and taking into account when we were not allowed out of the country due to covid by my reckoning it has been there between 3 to 5 years.

In the end when i did see it i thought my god what is that.

I don't work outside and i don't use sunbeds, no family history of Melanoma as I know of either, I do wear shorts a lot but this mark what ever it is would have been under my shorts nearly all the time.

It was a flattish mark to start off with and in the end i went to my GP and he said it is nothing to worry about, a few weeks later i had to go to the GPs again about something else and i asked a different doctor to take a look and he also said it was nothing to worry about.

Moving forward approx a couple more years and the this mole thing had got bigger like a dome shape and it was now crusty on the top.

When i showed it my doctor again he said it looked like a Seborrheic Keratosis or something along those lines, but he put me on a referral for a dermatology test which he said would be about 2 weeks.

In those 2 weeks whilst waiting for my appointment i was on holiday in Lanzarote with my family, we had a lovely time, my appetite was good, (in fact too good). i was so happy and all was right with the world.

I got a call from the hospital whilst we were away asking me to come in for my appointment on the 12th September 2023.

We arrived home on the 9th September and i was still in a good buoyant mood even though we had to come home.

I went for my appointment on the 12th September and the dermatologist said she was concerned, but said it could be a funny mole still and did the biopsy that day, so now i am waiting for my results back (i could tell by her face she knew what it was)

After me thinking it was just going to be a normal Seborrheic Keratosis as my doctor said it looked like, but now looks like it will be defiantly Melanoma my world has fallen apart and especially having it for so long, i fear the end is very very near.

So from coming off our holidays on the 9th September and having a lovely wonderful time, then going to the dermatologist on the 12th September it now feels like i am literally staring death in the face.

My appetite is all over the show, my sleep is all over the show, I feel unwell all the time, and i read all the things on the internet which tells me it is defiantly defiantly Melanoma.

I keep feeling my lymph nodes all the time as well which I am sure have swollen since having my appointment.

Also i can not believe that this is the end and all I think about is dying and leaving my family. I don't look forward to the anything anymore as i am sure that i wont be here to see the things me and my family have planned.

It is now 2 weeks since I had my biopsy and still waiting for the bad news to come to me at anytime. 

Thank you for letting me get this off my chest as I cant bring myself to talk to my wife about the way i feel as i know I wont be around very soon and I will only get upset.

I am so so scared.

Thank you.

Simon