so so scared

Good afternoon all.

First time here, sorry this is so long winded.

I have had a mole of some sort up on the middle / top of my inner thigh and it was not at the back but near the back, so i did not know it was there, it could have been there years and i would not have known about it.

Doing the math's and looking at our past abroad holidays and taking into account when we were not allowed out of the country due to covid by my reckoning it has been there between 3 to 5 years.

In the end when i did see it i thought my god what is that.

I don't work outside and i don't use sunbeds, no family history of Melanoma as I know of either, I do wear shorts a lot but this mark what ever it is would have been under my shorts nearly all the time.

It was a flattish mark to start off with and in the end i went to my GP and he said it is nothing to worry about, a few weeks later i had to go to the GPs again about something else and i asked a different doctor to take a look and he also said it was nothing to worry about.

Moving forward approx a couple more years and the this mole thing had got bigger like a dome shape and it was now crusty on the top.

When i showed it my doctor again he said it looked like a Seborrheic Keratosis or something along those lines, but he put me on a referral for a dermatology test which he said would be about 2 weeks.

In those 2 weeks whilst waiting for my appointment i was on holiday in Lanzarote with my family, we had a lovely time, my appetite was good, (in fact too good). i was so happy and all was right with the world.

I got a call from the hospital whilst we were away asking me to come in for my appointment on the 12th September 2023.

We arrived home on the 9th September and i was still in a good buoyant mood even though we had to come home.

I went for my appointment on the 12th September and the dermatologist said she was concerned, but said it could be a funny mole still and did the biopsy that day, so now i am waiting for my results back (i could tell by her face she knew what it was)

After me thinking it was just going to be a normal Seborrheic Keratosis as my doctor said it looked like, but now looks like it will be defiantly Melanoma my world has fallen apart and especially having it for so long, i fear the end is very very near.

So from coming off our holidays on the 9th September and having a lovely wonderful time, then going to the dermatologist on the 12th September it now feels like i am literally staring death in the face.

My appetite is all over the show, my sleep is all over the show, I feel unwell all the time, and i read all the things on the internet which tells me it is defiantly defiantly Melanoma.

I keep feeling my lymph nodes all the time as well which I am sure have swollen since having my appointment.

Also i can not believe that this is the end and all I think about is dying and leaving my family. I don't look forward to the anything anymore as i am sure that i wont be here to see the things me and my family have planned.

It is now 2 weeks since I had my biopsy and still waiting for the bad news to come to me at anytime. 

Thank you for letting me get this off my chest as I cant bring myself to talk to my wife about the way i feel as i know I wont be around very soon and I will only get upset.

I am so so scared.

Thank you.

Simon

  • Hi Simon, I am going through the same waiting for biopsy results and I have been using Dr Google.  I have googled so much that I could be a dermatologist. Would really scare you, this chat forum is  really helping me.  Just hoping and praying good news is on the way.  I had suspicious mole removed Aug and received letter yesterday for telephone appointment for Nov.  Waiting is the most worrying. 

  • Hi.

    Yes waiting is so worrying, messing with metal health, sleep, appetite etc.

    It's a long time to wait, August to November.

    My fingers and toes are crossed for you.

    Good luck.

    Simon.

  • Ahh thanks, yeah I definitely know how you feel, as I  can't sleep, eat and  it always on my mind too.When I got letter yesterday I felt sick opening it and then worried to hear I have telephone call in Nov. 

    Am trying my best not to Google and I  hoping  that everything works out OK.  

    Hoping everything is OK for you too. Keep me updated and no more Dr Google. 

  • Hi.

    I hope everything goes ok for you as well.

    I had my regular diabetic check up in Friday and I was talking the nurse about the way I have been, I have had the same nurse for a few years now.

    When I told her about going on the internet for information, she "don't Google Dr death" "if you do, you might as well go straight to the funeral directors".

    I just can't stop it though.

    Take care.

    Simon.

  • Hi AngieT.

    Very bad news today.

    Superficial Melanoma 3.9mm

    My head is in bits.

    Doctor mentioned plastic surgeon, hospital for scans etc.

    Depending on how far it has gone, it looks like I have 1 to 2 years left with my family if that.

    New it would be very bad news.

    Simon.

  • Hi Simon,

    That's a huge shock for you but please don't despair. The depth of your melanoma means it's T3 (Stage 2A). At present you don't know if it's spread and that is why they will do scans. They will do more surgery, a Wide Local Excision and may do a Sentinel Lymph Node Biopsy although the scans may replace that procedure. If it has spread, there are drug treatments that are showing great success and survival for Stage 3 (like myself) and Stage 4 patients has been greatly improved so no one can say how long you have left. 

    For the moment you are, naturally, seeing the worst case scenario but it's far from being a forgone conclusion. You need time to take in the news and to allow the further surgery and scans before they can confirm your Stage and then treat it appropriately. This website is a great place for information about melanoma but I also suggest you look at the Melanoma UK and Melanoma Focus websites which are great for melanoma patients. Meanwhile I will send you a friend request. If you accept it I can pm some further places to check out once you've looked at the websites I've suggested. 

    The main thing at the moment is to get your head around the diagnosis & not to catastrophise. Reading those websites will help to understand what's happening and will help you to know what questions to ask your consultant at your next appointment. Melanoma Focus also have a dedicated nurses helpline if you need to ask any questions.

    Deep breaths and you've got this. 

    Angie

  • Good morning Angie.

    Thank you for your very informative reply.

    Not much sleep last night at all.

    I know the doctor at the hospital could not give much away on my life expectancy, but he did nog sound to optimistic, it does not look good to me.

    I would except your friends request.

    Thank you.

    Simon.

  • They don't have any idea as to life expectancy because they don't know the big picture until they have your scans & results of the WLE. Even then, they won't know because it will depend if your stage changes which will then mean you go on drug treatment. So it's too early days to even think about life expectancy. Even advanced patients (Stage 4) aren't necessarily terminal and many that are terminal have great success with the drugs and outlive the life expectancy they've been given. If you look at any survival stats don't take them as concrete as they are 5 years out of date and don't take into account the drugs that have only been available within those years. They really are changing the landscape of melanoma treatment & survival so there is lots of hope.

  • Thank you Angie.

    Your replies do help me try to cope with what I am going through at the moment.

    At the moment I don't look forward to things or plan things for the future with my family as I can not see one.

    I am not interested in bringing myself to do anything, even sat here on the sofa not had a shave, or brushed my teeth as I don't have the get up and go to even do that.

    I have accepted the friends request.

    What happens now I have accepted it please.

    Thank you very much Angie.

    Simon.

  • Hi Angie

    I am thinking of not looking at this site for a while as I think I am just asking the same questions and probably getting people annoyed.

    It's also about time I stopped looking at Google as I have just read that my 3.9mm melanoma is a stage 3 not stage 2 and can not be cured with or without it reaching the lymph nodes, my heart sank even more. 

    I am so confused, upset and so so worried at the moment of the thought of dying and leaving my family not long from now.

    We are going to North Wales on the 13th October for 7 days, I know i will most probably have to drive back to go to the hospital if I get a letter through.

    I usually start planning things for next year's family holidays and weekends away for my wife and me, but I don't see the point in doing that now.

    Thank you for all your help Angie.

    Take care.

    Simon x