I’ve been in hospital now for just under 3 months. Originally taken into A&E with severe back problems. And after multiple scans and multiple blood tests. I was taken aback to be informed that I had cancer of the bones and chemo was not an option.

it came as a big shock and I was/am totally empty inside, speechless, emotionally struck.

what would I say to my family (brothers, I am not married).

I have to admit I was a bit of a coward and found myself unable to say anything to my family and left it all to the very good consultant to (what should have been my duty) inform my brothers.

Even now nearly three months after being diagnosed I am still lost inside my mind.

I have also suffered from multiple fits of which epilepsy has been ruled out and I’ve been informed they are N.E.S or N.E.A. - None Epileptic Seizures or None Epileptic Attacks.

The multitude of tablets and medical drivers I am having has me in a semi-permanent stupor.

Meetings with a Psychologist, Palliative Care teams along with talks to a priest is now a weekly part of my life………

Even posting this I am emotionally drained and empty.

why now and why me I keep asking and asking.