Hello BumbleBoo, 

Poor you, it sounds like you went through a really traumatic time losing your mum at such a young age and shortly after your dad as well. Now you find yourself at the age your mum was when she passed away, it's normal that you are feeling a little bit anxious and are worried about every little health niggle.  Given your mum's history, it's good that they have given you yearly mammograms - this will ensure that you are closely monitored and that they are being vigilant so try not to worry too much as it sounds like you are in the best possible hands. I think you know yourself that this is most likely all linked to your grief and the traumas you went through in your late teens and early twenties which are triggering this health anxiety.

You seem to be having all the right instincts though - you mentioned that you try your best not to google and that's exactly the right thing to do as Google will only make you feel more anxious and won't provide any reliable answers. Practising mindfulness and sea-swimming, trying to keep well - all those are excellent initiatives which will make you feel better so try and do those things you love and keep focused on these. Grief is indeed a complex thing and it can affect each one of us differently. You might want to have a look at our page on Coping with Grief. You did well to go to the GP about this and if you feel things are not improving, don't hesitate to go back - it might be that you need a little bit of grief counselling or gentle therapy like CBT to help you overcome these recurrent anxious thoughts. 

You've come to the right place though to meet others who are also dealing with the consequences of long term grief and I hope that they will be along shortly to share their story with you. 

Best wishes, 

Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator