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Hello everyone :) I am 45 and my mum died of breast cancer when she was 45

BumbleBoo
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Hi,

I am a 45 year old woman, and my Mum died when she was 45 (I was 16) and am finding this milestone quite challenging.  My Mum had breast cancer, went through a period of recovery and then was diagnosed with secondary liver cancer about a year before she passed away.  

I had a lot of therapy when I was younger, as my Dad also died when I was 20 (of complications following a brain tumour).  I sort of pre-empted this time being quite difficult, but I am currently obsessing over every little niggle and tweek.  I have yearly mammograms due to my Mum's history, but I am currently very hypervigilant about almost any bodily sensation.  I have been to the GP once about this, but to be honest I could be there every day.  I am peri-menopausal, so my body is all over the place!

I do rationalise that I think this is mostly head issue, and that grief is a funny thing.  And I do try my best not to google!

I do also completely appreciate and am grateful that I have not been diagnosed myself.  I wanted to say hello and ask for any advice about to calm my brain.  I am practising mindfulness daily, sea-swimming and trying to keep well.  It's just a bit more tricky in the quiet moments.  It's also worth saying that when I am engrossed in something, my body feedback worries dissipate almost completely.

I wish everyone on here all the best, and thank you to this forum for existing.

:)

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    Hello BumbleBoo, 

    Poor you, it sounds like you went through a really traumatic time losing your mum at such a young age and shortly after your dad as well. Now you find yourself at the age your mum was when she passed away, it's normal that you are feeling a little bit anxious and are worried about every little health niggle.  Given your mum's history, it's good that they have given you yearly mammograms - this will ensure that you are closely monitored and that they are being vigilant so try not to worry too much as it sounds like you are in the best possible hands. I think you know yourself that this is most likely all linked to your grief and the traumas you went through in your late teens and early twenties which are triggering this health anxiety.

    You seem to be having all the right instincts though - you mentioned that you try your best not to google and that's exactly the right thing to do as Google will only make you feel more anxious and won't provide any reliable answers. Practising mindfulness and sea-swimming, trying to keep well - all those are excellent initiatives which will make you feel better so try and do those things you love and keep focused on these. Grief is indeed a complex thing and it can affect each one of us differently. You might want to have a look at our page on Coping with Grief. You did well to go to the GP about this and if you feel things are not improving, don't hesitate to go back - it might be that you need a little bit of grief counselling or gentle therapy like CBT to help you overcome these recurrent anxious thoughts. 

    You've come to the right place though to meet others who are also dealing with the consequences of long term grief and I hope that they will be along shortly to share their story with you. 

    Best wishes, 

    Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator

  • Offline in reply to Moderator Lucie

    Thank you Lucie for those really kind and thoughtful words.  I really appreciate it, thank you - both validating and supportive.

    Thank you for being on here and providing this service for people to come together also.

    Bestest wishes :)

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