Cancer Research UK main site
  • Replies 9 replies
  • Views 1252 views
  • Users 0 members are here

Life, work, do we ever feel normal again?

Magse
Offline

I was diagnosed with esophagus cancer May 2022.

I lost my mum October 21, her older sister passed away the day of her funeral. November 21 my dad was diagnosed with asbestos related lung cancer, he passed away March 22. I was getting a lot of heartburn and acid reflux mentioned it to doctor in passing. I put it down to stress, she sent me for tests, mid April I had the camera down throat. They told me then they suspected cancer. Officially diagnosed in May.

July I started a course of chemo before my operation in September. I should have another course of chemo after the operation, this didn't happen due to complications.

What happened, a ten day stay in hospital turned into seven weeks. Two days after the operation I had a cardiac arrest and was put into a coma, I subsequently had a stroke whilst in the coma. I don't remember anything between sitting in waiting room until someone stood over me asking who the prime minister was. I lost eight days.

Can't remember what it's called but something was taking its time to heal, so I was dripped fed for six weeks, nothing by month and stuck in a hospital bed, not able to turn round or sit up without help.

I was eventually allowed home and had to learn how to eat and use my right arm again both are still work in progress. I've gone from sixty seven kilos to thirty nine.

The surgeon is pretty sure he got all the cancer.

My focus was to get back to work and normality. I did get back to work earlier this year. Now I feel I've made a big mistake. I'm struggling with work , making silly mistakes. Some days I'm not able to get in. I'm physically exhausted, all I do is go work, on my days off I don't get even get dressed, I don't go out or contact friends. I'm struggling more now than when I was having treatment. I'm thinking it's time I stopped working but not sure I can afford it or that I'm just feeling sorry for myself and giving in.

  • Offline

    Wow!!!!! I think you have every right to feel sorry for yourself.

    My heart goes out to you when reading your post, i understand it for what it is due to having a similar situation with regards family bereavement and cancer with chemo however nowhere near the level of challenges you're trying to overcome.

    You need to heal from all of this, it's unclear how your working when your still struggling to re learn to eat and use your right arm along with exhaustion.

    Are you aware your employer is under a legal duty to make reasonable adjustments for you to help, asking for part time would be an adjustment. You can ask for an occupational health assesment to confirm adjustments that would help you.

    I would likely think you would straight away be entitled to PIP just by what your saying re phyical challenges you face, this is extra money to help you. (Assuming your not already claiming it)

    I imagine it's all had an effect on your mental health too, maybe you don't realise it. 

    Giving up work to recover and have basic quality of life is not feeling sorry for yourself or giving in. It's making a wise decision based on your needs.

    Try the employer, occupational health and you can ask the gp to write to the employer asking for considerations re how much you can do due to exhaustion. Try that first, you might be pleasantly surprised and get the help you need.

    Massive love, strength and respect to you.

    Xxx

  • Offline in reply to Hopeful1965

    Thank you, my employers have put adjustments in place and have been amazing. I'm the one who is struggling, I do only work 25 hours but the number of days and the travelling are hard. Due to the nature of the job things constantly change I find it hard. Angry customers I can no longer shrug off and take it personally. I've got a call from OH on Monday. I'll have to be honest and explain I can no longer cope with the work.

  • Offline in reply to Magse

    Mags 

    I had breast cancer last year worked through like you but I feel I’m also a different person now , get tired frustrated with work on times not sure if we will ever be the same people as before diagnosis.

    I do make sure I meet with friends regularly and go on holidays work comes 2 nd to me now have a little more time off go on holiday and see how you feel then 

    here to chat anytime love Lara xxx 

  • Offline in reply to Magse

    I'm really pleased to hear you've already asked for adjustments and have the call with OH lined up, alternative roles is also a reasonable adjustment also working from home to cut down the travelling, assuming your job could be done from home.

    You sound like a really sensible person, i've no doubt you'll speak up and explain the challenges your having. Like i said you do need time to heal from everything you've been through of late, your quality of life is way more valuable than your income believe it or not.

    I know we all need money to live but being so exhausted on your days off to do anything with that money is just not worth it.

    Very best of luck to you moving forward.

    Xxx

  • Offline

    Crikey - you’ve been through the mill.

    From personal experience, I recommend you go down the PIP route (it isn’t means tested and unlocks other benefits such as a blue badge). If they’re active locally, I’d also recommend you ask MacMillan to apply on your behalf as they have a fast-track agreement with DWP. 

    Like you, I went back to work too early and I came to regret it. I then went off sick for 6 months and ended up retiring on ill-health grounds. That have my body and mind time to recover - it took far longer than I’d imagined and I’d only had straightforward oesophageal cancer with none of your complications. Eventually I recovered, came off PIP and started working part time and volunteering with CRUK and a local charity. 

    Things may feel bleak at the moment but please step back, celebrate being still alive and concentrate on recovering, rather than on working. The PIP isn’t a large income but it might take away a little of the financial pressure while you fully recover. 

    Best wishes

    Dave

  • Offline in reply to davek

    Gave not have - I do miss the edit function lol

  • Offline in reply to davek

    Thank you everyone for your support. I've decided to reduce my hours to 16 and review how it's going after a few weeks. If I'm still not feeling able to cope, I know its time for me to finish.

    OH agreed and so did the specialist. I've also seen a counsellor to help with mental health.

    Sorry I haven't replied sooner, I've been mulling over my options and I really do appreciate your support.

  • Offline in reply to Magse

    Mags

    hkpe you are feeling better hope reducing hours works for you I’m sure it will do you good for a while until you feel better xx good luck xx

  • Offline in reply to Magse

    That sounds sensible, you’ve not burnt any bridges and you’ve given yourself time to think without making too big a decision. 
    Best wishes

    Dave

Speak to a nurse

Quick links

Follow us

Registered with Fundraising Regulator (logo)
Cancer Research UK is a registered charity in England and Wales (1089464), Scotland (SC041666), the Isle of Man (1103) and Jersey (247). A company limited by guarantee. Registered company in England and Wales (4325234) and the Isle of Man (5713F). Registered address: 2 Redman Place, London, E20 1JQ.