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Husband not supportive after I lost my mum 3 weeks ago

Susiecar
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Hi there I lost my mum 3 weeks ago to lung cancer ,and it's so hard ,I am married since 22 years and I asked my hubby that I need him now more then ever ,but he's cold as ice he dose not listen also the rest of my family are all in Germany me hubby and kids moved to schotland in 2014 so I had to fly over and had 3 days to say good buy it was not a nice way how it all happend but what I do not understand is that my husband dose not hug me he dose not listen ,and that maks me angry and I snapp so then he sayd ,you need yo go and get some bloody help ,I was shocked I just sayd I just lost my mum and he is not giving me no confer atol our marriage was not perfect but this is pushing me away as I do not and can't be with someone who dose not care about me ,my kids are so helpfull but it should be my husband, sorry if this is the wrong group susie xx

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    Hi Susiecar,

    A very warm welcome to our forum. 

    I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your mum and offer my sincere sympathy. You must be finding this so difficult, especially when you had to return to Scotland so soon after.

    I was in a similar situation 26 years ago, when I lost my mum to secondary breast cancer, which had spread to her lungs, liver, brain and bone. I live in Scotland too and my mum was in another country.

    Can I ask, has your husband lost any of his own family? If not, he may not appreciate how devastating we all find the loss of our mums. It may not be a case of not caring about you, but more about not knowing what to do, or how to comfort you. Have you considered talking to a counsellor about how you feel? This can be very helpful and may help to put things more into perspective for you. Cruse Scotland offer a support service for all types of bereavement. You can phone them free of charge on 0808 802 6161. How old are your children and how are they coping?

    Please keep in touch and let us know how you get on. We are always here for you.

    Kind regards,

    Jolamine xx

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    Hi Susie,

    So sorry to hear about your mum, bereavement is one of the hardest things we face in life. Your post resonated with me as when my father died 21 years ago, my husband was just awful. No comfort, cold and even mentioned divorce the day after the funeral after I'd stayed with my mum for the night. How is your husband generally? Mine was generally a cold person anyway but turned it up a notch whenever I was upset or vulnerable. If this is how your husband is generally, he won't change, and you have some choices to make. If it's out of character, like Jolamine says then he just may not understand and maybe you can work through it. My marriage ended but dragged on far too long before it did. I deserved better and it's only once you've taken your life back you wonder why you stayed so long. I hope things work out for you, lovely. Take care of yourself xx

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