Hi Kat,

I'm sorry you are going through this. My best advice to you is to see a therapist. A professional would be able to give you some coping skills and also help you understand that alot of your reactions are normal in this situation.

I'm sure others here that have experienced this with a loved one and will be along to provide more advice. I'll be thinking of you and your dad.

Laura xx

hi laura,

thankyou for your advice, i am going to do my research on therapists.

Thankyou so much again

katie xx

Hi Katie,

A very warm welcome to our forum.

I am so sorry to hear of what you are going through with your dad. You have probably done the worst thing that you could for yourself by bottling everything up, although I'm sure that you have done this to be strong for your dad. Do you have family or friends that you can talk to about this? It is much more helpful for you to be able to talk about how you feel. Many people find it easier to talk to a stranger than they do talking to family, when they don't want to inflict any further pain on them. 

There are a number of different cancer charities who offer free counselling to cancer patients and their families. This is carried out by professional people who understant all of the emotional hurdles associated with both a cancer diagnosis and a terminal diagnosis. Can I ask, is this the first time that you have experienced a terminal illness in the family? Every one is traumatic, but your first is especially so. 

How has your dad taken this latest diagnosis? People take news like this in different ways. Some don't want to speak about it, whilst others prefer to talk openly about their feelings, which often makes it easier for them as well as you. 

You are young to have to cope with such a difficult situation, but you need never feel alone, now that you have found this forum. All of us here either have, or ar caring for people with cancer, so there's nothing you can't say to us,. Sadly, there is always someone here who has gone through and experienced what you are going through now.

Don't worry about crying, but try to do it when you are away from your dad, as I'm sure that he wouldn't want to see you upset. You are under a great deal of stress and all those tears are a great stress reliever.

How is your dad keeping in himself - is he able to get out and about, or is he confined to bed? The main thing for you to do at present, is to try and make memories while you can - let him know that you love him,  make sure that your dad is as comfortable as he can be and that his medication is coping with any pain. This may need to be topped up from time to time. Try not to look at the bigger picture, but take things day by day, or even hour by hour if need be.

Please keep in touch and let us know how you are both getting on. We are always here for you.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

HI Jolamine, 

Thankyou so much for your kind words. My dad is taking his illness the best out of everyone as he has always been a very selfless man. I think that is why it hurts much more. Te one thing i am thankful for is that when he has taken chemo he has never lost his hair, he still looks the same. I thinnk this is why i can easily bottle it up as his appearance hasn't changed drastically. 

It is the first time in my family that we have had a termianl illness so it has shocked us all quite abit.

My dads still up and about, he even mowed the lawn the other day, i think this is also the reasoning as to why i can pretend it does not exist as to look at him you would think hes okay. 

Thankyou so much for your kind words and advice, Katie xx

Bless you

if I was your dad I would want you to express yourself fully for as long as it takes. You are a wonderful young person and you have been through so much.. we are only human! I hope in this next phase you build a great loving Horst bond with dad. I expect that there are helplines for you to call.. I would call the nurses on here first.. those bottled up feelings are hard to bare. 
sending you love and hope as you learn to let go a little and reach out for support. 
Xx

Horst bond????

honest bond?

️

Hi Katie,

I am glad to hear that your dad is still up and about and it is good to hear that he never lost his hair during chemo. I thought that this might be vouy first experience. Dealing with a terminal illness is one of the hardest things that you are ever likely to go through in your lifetime. If your dad is still capable of going out, it might be nice if you could arrange the occasional short visit out for him. This could be out for afternoon tea, the cinema, a theatre, a visit to the seaside or to see a friend or family, etc.

I'm always here any time you want to talk.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Talk to someone - preferably your Dad - about how you feel. It will be hard but crying about it together will probably help you both in the long term. He will be feeling scared too - worst case, you both bottle it up and things are left unsaid which you regret for the rest of your life. 
Please don't feel pressured into being strong for him - I know from experience that's the last thing he'd want. 
Losing a parent is hard at any age but at your age you're unlikely to have the life experience to have developed coping mechanisms. Be kind to yourself and talk to him.
 

Good luck

Dave