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My mum has just been diagnosed with lung cancer

marielizzy
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Hi everyone, 

I'm 20 years old and living away at university. After coming home for my Dad's 60th birthday yesterday, my parents sat me down and told me that my mum has just been diagnosed with lung cancer. 

In the last few months my mum (56) has been ill with a cough and due to breathing problems, was finally checked into hospital and 1L of fluid was found in her lungs. My parent's brushed it off as something that wasn't serious so finding out that she had cancer was a huge shock, especially as she is healthy and has never been a smoker.

I'm really struggling at the moment and i'm trying to stay as strong as I can in front of my parents, but it's so difficult. Cancer has never ever been something that has affected any of my family members or friends so it's hard trying to find people to talk to about how I'm feeling. 

We have never been an emotional family and the worst part of this has been seeing my parents break down crying, especially as it's my Dad's birthday weekend. We have no idea how bad the cancer is as we are still waiting for my Mum's biopsy results but I can't help but think of the worst. My Mums results are due to come the week of my exams so I need to contact uni about all of this but I can't bring myself to do anything. I also don't want to leave my parents here (I'm an only child) as I feel I have a duty to look after them. My mum refuses to keep me away from university and insists I go back asap, but i can't bring myself to buy a train ticket.

Also, I am struggling with an eating disorder, anxiety and depression and this is something I don't know if i'll be able to cope with mentally. Life is really rough right now and finding this forum kind of feels like a safe space for me. It still doesn't feel real that this is my life now and I just feel completely numb. 


 

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    Dear Marie

    i couldn't read you post without replying. I can relate to how you feel! It's completely heartbreaking when you see your parents upset. You will feel much better when you know the results and what they are going to do to help your Mum. Unfortunately your mind tends to run wild and takes you to lots of dark thoughts and visions as it can't process the information as you dont know at the moment what your dealing with. Stay to the light don't go too the Dark.

    You mum will want to keep things as normal as possible this is why she wants you to go back too uni, she will want too protect you. You must chat to your friends and teachers and tell them what's happening and how your feel.

    Are you getting help with your Anxiety and eating disorder and depression? If your not I would contact your GP amd ask for help. You can't deal with all of this on your own you must reach out to others.

    Your Mums Doctors will look after her and they will do all they can, treatments these days are so advanced. 

    Take each day don't look to far ahead.

    Your doing so well! Life is cruel. Much love Sarah 

  • Offline in reply to snow-drop

    Hi Sarah,

    Thank you so much for replying. 

    Its been a few days now and things are starting to get a bit easier. I think i've trained myself to look more into the light and I think my parents have too. We are trying to just check in with each other and make sure my mum is being looked after and her stress levels are as low as we can possibly make them. 

    I have an open - return ticket to university booked so I can pop back home if i ever need to. I've also told my boyfriend and my two best friends and it's been nice having them to talk to. It's also nice being with people who don't know so I can feel a little bit normal and like people aren't always checking up on me. 

    I've spoken to university and I have a counselling session booked in which should allow me to talk to someone about past issues and how my mum's diagnosis is affecting me now. It should also allow me to apply for extra help during exam season and hopefully take the pressure off uni for the next couple of months. 

    Things are a bit easier but every so often I get huge waves of anxiety, being back to uni where everything is always so crowded is going to be difficult but I just need to take each wave as it comes.

    Once again thank you for reaching out,

    Marie

  • Offline in reply to marielizzy

    Hi,

    Thankyou for replying, I have been thinking about you. I'm so pleased to hear that you are getting support from your Friends and Boyfriend and that you are getting some Counselling at Uni, this will be a great help.

    I am 38 and found my Dads Diagnosis really scary, Counciling really helped me, sometimes I would cry for the whole hour but that was okay.

    Im pleased that thing have settled down a bit, the shock of it all really does take it's toll on everyone.

    Please stay to the light! Take one day at a time and lean in your friends. 
    I send you an Angel and I hope that your Mum will be okay. 
     

    love Sarah 

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