Hi Smythe

Well, that's great news that your husband's cancer has completely gone. It is disappointing that he won't have recovered enough to enjoy his Christmas dinner. Obviously a large part of Christmas is enjoying a feast. I remember my stepdad struggling to eat after his surgery for oesphagal cancer. He lost a lot of weight post surgery, as his stomach no longer closed. So he had to eat small meals and nothing after 6pm. It can make you feel guilty to eat infront of them. I've also had a lot of trouble with eating due to visceral hypersensitivity (this is a symptom that some people with IBS have, where the nerves are affected and cause extreme pain as things move along). I've had to skip many a meal and used to have fortisip to get nutrition. Thankfully, I have medication now and can eat normally. But, not being able to eat with everyone is difficult and a little depressing too. 

I've been researching throat cancer as I've been given a referral for a lump on my tonsil. I'm hoping it is nothing as the treatment for head and neck cancer is brutal. Congratulations to your husband for coming so far and hopefully he can still enjoy Christmas in a slightly different way. Congratulations to you too for supporting him, as that role in cancer is an emotional one too. I hope you have found a way to take some time for yourself and let go of the constant worry for a little while now and then. 

Well, I can't say whether it is 'normal', but it sounds like it could be depression. Maybe see if he could talk to the Dr about it. Maybe antidepressants could help and talking to a Counsellor that specialises in Cancer. It's a rollercoaster of a ride, so obviously will cause ups and downs and with lasting symptoms as a result of the treatment that take such a long time to resolve, it's going to be difficult. The rug is pulled from underneath you with a diagnosis of cancer and then the treatments happen so quickly, it turns your world upside down. The focus is on survival and then if that period passes, life is never the same again. It's a huge adjustment. Obviously you are reaching out here, but does he have somewhere to turn? Is he looking for support to come to terms with what has happened? 

Like SaraJ74 said, 

Perhaps making use of any available counselling will help.

I have often thought those of us who have had cancer suffer long afterwards in one form or another from the psychological effects of diagnosis & treatment, even when that treatment is successful. And having just googled it, apparently 22% of cancer patients suffer lifelong PTSD.

This makes the case for counselling all the more compelling.

Wishing you both all the best.

He has joined an life after cancer group via zoom every monday but im not sure if they r really helping to be honest 

Hes just not the husband i know. He seems so different now

Given what he's been through - the shock of the diagnosis, and one of the most brutal treatments there is with a long, painful recovery ahead - it's quite normal that his moods are constantly up and down. Being on morphine for so long probably hasn't helped in this regard either.

With the good news that the cancer has gone, combined with a gradual recovery, it appears that he is climbing out of the giant hole he found himself in. But it is still very much a case of 'one day at a time, in your own way'

It's likely that there will be aspects of his character that will have changed given what he has most probably been contemplating these last 5 months. His perspective will have changed on certain things. But as he recovers more and more, and as the whole episode slowly recedes into the past, his moods will most likely balance out, and he will quite likely be much more recognisable.

Many cancer patients end up showing a greater appreciation of their loved ones after such experiences. And enjoy a deeper perspective on their life, too. 

You, yourself, would probably also benefit from talking to someone who knows the challenges you are facing. If you can understand what's going on, it will help you to navigate it less turbulently. Nobody wants their world to be torn apart - neither the patient nor their loved ones.

Look after yourself.

Tim