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Don’t know where to start.

Sweetheart
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Hello everyone, my husband of 30 years was diagnosed with bowel cancer in February, its terminal as he has so many other health problems there is nothing they can do for him, he is in hospital at the moment awaiting a care company to pick up the contract so he can come home. It's all been so stressful that I don't know if I'm coming or going, I would just like to hear how some of you cope. Thank you.

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    Hi, and first of all, so sorry to hear what you are going through.  I am a carer for my husband who has several very serious health issues and who is deteriorating rapidly.  I was recently told that my cancer has spread and is now stage 4.  I won't lie to you.......it's been tough.  There have been times when I have felt like running away.........just getting on a train to anywhere.  I think that my emotions (and those of my husband) have have run the whole nine yards, from anger, sorrow, rage, grief, hopelessness, fear............and then back again.  If it is any consolation to you, there comes a point (or it did for me and my husband anyway), where you accept that this is how it is, and both of us now live one day at a time.........we both have quite a macabre sense of humour and we often 'joke' abot who is going to fall off their perch first. I guess it's just the way we deal with our situation.  Things have reached a peaceful kind of serenity after all of the madness, and hopefully you will find this will happen with you and your husband.  Yes, it is going to be devastating when your husband passes, no doubt about it, but you will find the strength to get through it somehow.  I wish you well, Violet, x

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    Hello there, I'm so sorry that you are having to cope with all of this.  My husband was finally sent home with palliative care, a so called care package and the district nurses to call on 24/7 but it was still extremely hard for us both.  So we had two half hour care people morning and night, not enough in my opinion so don't accept what they offer if you need more.  Use the district nurses, if my husband had lived for more than five days (due to catching covid in hospital) I would have learned more on how to cope.  So don't be brave, don't be stoical, take every offer of help that comes your way and ask or demand more if you are struggling.  Also the carers are there for you as well, have a shower or a cup of tea whilst they are helping him, they will also do other things for you, make a cup of tea, let you have a break, it's not just him they are there for its both of you. My surgery put me on the red list so when I telephoned it flagged up that I needed help without having to argue with the reception to get help.  So ask about that also.  The district nurses came out when he had accidents in bed, you can't do it alone, it's too dangerous, also ask for special mattresses if he is confined to bed, ask, ask, ask, whatever you think you need ask that question and someone will help you.  I hope this helps you with his coming home, my thoughts are with you both.  Carol 

  • Offline in reply to Violetgirl

    Thank you, I am so sorry to hear of your situation but glad that you have got to a point of serenity. My husband knows he's got it but isn't aware of the time scale he has left and I don't want him to know as he is so frightened already but I will be there for him every step of the way. I wish all the best for you both. X

  • Offline in reply to Violetgirl

    Hi again.  I think that the advice that Carol (Dor06) has given you is excellent.  As well as the emotional side of caring for your husband, there are also the practicalities, which Carol has outlined.  Take care, Violet, x

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