I couldn't read your post and run. My heart truely goes out to you and your family. You sound like a wonderful husband & dad. I hope you are getting all the support you need and if not reach out and ask for help x

I too read your post and my heart goes out to you too. There is no easy answer but have you got bereavement support? There are specialists connected to cancer who you can talk too and I know this doesn't change your situation but it may help you process this tragic and traumatic event. I have suffered loss and I wish I'd accessed help at the time these events took place but I just tried to get on with life. You have obviously done everything you can to help your wife now you need help and support. 

Milly

Hello I'm so sorry for your loss,I do understand what you are going through,you have to try and keep strong for you and your family,in time it will get easier you never forget.When I lost my mum and sister to cancer I just thought that they will keep be at peace and won't be in any more pain,just think of the good memories you had together and you will get through all the pain of missing her,im sure your wife is with you in spirit.

Hi Milly, yes I have support from the hospice where she passed away, although it's sometimes hard to get in touch. It feels like even when I asked for help it's a task in itself to get it. 

Hi, I'm trying my very best to keep strong because I know she believed I could do it. I just can't even bring myself to leave the house because I don't want to do anything without her. She was my world and my rock and I can't wrap my head around that I won't ever see her again. I'm a mess and each day doesn't get any better. 

Thank you for your kind words. At the min I can't see a future without her and it's breaking my heart 

Carl, your post truly touched my heart.  I wish I could offer some words of solace, but the truth is that there is nothing that anyone can say that will take your pain and grief away.   You said in one of your posts that getting help from the hospice where your wife passed away is difficult.........perhaps your Doctor could put you in touch with a grief counsellor, or you could contact CRUSE, an organisation for people suffering bereavement.  I know this won't bring your wife back, but talking about your loss really can help get you through the days.  Carl, I know you might not believe this right now, but you will find the strength to get through this tragedy..........I am not saying that you will get over the loss of your wife, but you will get through it, take care,  Violet, x

Hi Cari,

What you are feeling is to be expected. Your world has been shattered. Your wife was young so I imagine your friends haven't experienced the depth of despair you feel. Losing a loved one is different for everyone you lose. I was 24 when my mum died from breast cancer aged 51 but looking back my friends didn't get it as they still had their mum and some still do now - 36 years on. We lost a son when I was 30 and again no one else I knew had experienced this grief which was different  to losing my mum. You need to grieve before you can heal and it takes time. I believe you don't get over it - you learn to live with it and this will seem impossible at the moment. I hope you have some family support to shoulder some of your daily responsibilities but if not their are organisations to help you. I'm sure the moderator on here could suggest some. Also you can speak to MacMillan who again have people you can talk to and advice. You can't do this on your own and neither should you feel bad about feeling like you do. It's absolutely devastating but with help you will come through this awful time. 

sending a virtual hug

Milly
 

Hi Carl, 

What happened is incredibly sad and as some of our members said, it can be hard to talk to friends about it as not many people around you will have experienced what you are going through. Your wife was incredibly young and my heart goes out to you and the children during this incredibly difficult time.  It's good though that you are reaching out for help. It must all feel so raw at the moment and it's completely understandable that you are feeling this way but you've come to the right place to meet others who have also lost a loved one in similar circumstances and who will know how you are feeling at the moment. Our page on Coping with Grief highlights the range of overwhelming feelings you may experience at different stages of the grieving process. Everyone grieves differently though and there is help available to help you cope on difficult days.  

I see you have already been given some great suggestions by our members. As Milly58 mentioned, it would be a good idea to try and get some grief counselling. I think it would be a good idea to talk to your GP about this and I am sure they will be able to signpost you to suitable services available in your area. There are also good tips on this NHS page on grief after bereavement or loss which I hope you will find useful. You have a big family to look after too and it may seem a lot to have to deal with so do talk to your GP about every aspect of the situation, whether there may be practical help available if that would help you. 

Violet has also given you a great suggestion when she mentioned Cruse Bereavement Support - they have a helpline you can ring too on 0808 808 1677 so don't hesitate to get in touch with them if it all gets too much sometimes and you would like to talk to someone. 

Sue Ryder is another great bereavement support service you could get in touch with and they also offer a range of resources in the form of online bereavement support which may be of interest to you.

We're all here for you anytime you need to talk and do make an appointment to talk to your GP as soon as you can so they can provide you with the best practical and emotional support that is available in your local area. 

We're thinking of you during this difficult time Carl and feel free to come here too anytime you want to reach out and talk to others who understand how you are feeling and what you are going through at the moment. 

Best wishes, 

Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator