Hello Lollylonglegs and welcome to the Cancer Chat community.

I'm so sorry your father in law has now received a terminal lung cancer diagnosis after being given the all clear from his prostate cancer last year.

This must be very tough for the both of you and no doubt your husband is finding this news, understandably, very difficult to cope with. I'm sure some of our members who have been in a similar position will offer their support and advice to you soon but if you'd like to discuss this with one our cancer nurses, they're just a phone call away on 0808 800 4040, Monday - Friday between 9a.m - 5p.m. 

In the meantime, just try to take things one a day at a time and let your husband know you're there for him. Hopefully once he's had time to fully process what he's been told, he will start to reach out to you once more.

Kind regards,

Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator

My Mum has just been diagnosed with lung cancer and we go tomorrow to receive the results of her lymph nodes bopisy to see if it has spread, what type cancer etc. This news has devasted us all and I am struggling daily due to the fact my Mum and I are so close and I don't want to see her in pain and thoughts of losing her to cancer.

I wonder why you made the decesion not to allow you father-in-law to stay with you this time whilst he goes through treatment for his cancer. I know chemotherapy will be very tough on your father-in-law and he will need all the support and care from those close to him. I would imagine your husband is indeed struggling, it is his Father and I'm guessing his father lives alone as no mention of anyone being able to care for him. If your husband feels anything like we do he will be feeling shocked, devastated, angry, hurt and everything inbetween. He needs everyone's support now more than ever. I can guess he is feeling snappy because that is a normal reaction when someone you love is facing terminal cancer and the awful side effects of treatment that can sometimes happen, he doesn't want to see his Dad suffer and lose his Dad. Please be patient with him when he is snappy or irritable. You mentioned he calls his Dad daily, if my Mum was not living with me I also would call her daily, actually I would call her several times a day to check on her so I think this is an admirable thing to do for your parent and not something that is abnormal. Cancelling everything for the next year I'm guessing is so his diary is free to give his Dad his undivided support for attending appointments, treatments and just being able to spend quality time with his Dad, I would absolutely do the same, the first thing we did when we found out about my Mum's cancer was cancel our holiday this year. None of that matters when you are facing a loved one going through such a terrible life change. Everyone has to make sacrifices and maybe adjust their life to be there for the ones they love or loved ones of their partners. Your husband is of course going to be struggling right now it is the hardest thing in the world to hear your parent has cancer or a terminal illness and feeling sensitive is natural, I have been feeling sensitive since we found out Mum could have cancer, our world has changed and not for the better. The strain is something we all have to cope with and your husband is going to be bearing the majority of the strain because it is his Dad and he is trying to help him through this. My suggestion to support your husband is quite simple and I do not mean this in an unkind way....be there for him, be there for him no matter if he is snappy, sensitive, angry hurt, overwhelmed, because I'm sure he will be all of these emotions at some time and more and he needs kindness, support and care as does your Father-in-Law. Maybe re-consider having your father-in-law to stay for a short time, this will probably make your husband less stressed because he will be able to see his dad daily and not have to constantly worry for him. Now is not the time for family disagreements, its the time to pull together and help your Father-in-law go through the most difficult time of his life.

Jane