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My dad has weeks to live

sammie01
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Hi all,

We found out yesterday that my dad's chemo hasn't worked, the tumour has gotten bigger, and now, he has weeks left. 

I'm devastated. I don't know what to do, and I simply feel lost.

If anyone has any advice on how to get through these next few months, I'm all ears. It seems so far that I'm not sleeping well, and I have zero appetite.

I don't know what to do to console my dad, and my family. I'm scared of what the next few weeks are going to hold, and looking after him with end of life care.

What has others done, if situations like this, I feel like I can't even think clearly, so any suggestions, or words of advice are hugely appreciated.

 

Thanks,

 

Sammie

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    Hi my thoughts are with you, I went through the same with my mum, who sadly passed away at 57. You will find the strength as I did to be there for them, and spend as much time as you can with him. It will give him comfort to know that you are there. I lived through the whole thing with my mum and and although dealing with each step was difficult I somehow managed to carry on. I've just recently been diagnosed with melanoma so it brought back many memories of those really dark days. 
    Always here for a chat xxxx

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    Hi sammie

    im in a similar position to you, I found out about my dads terminal diagnosis on Wednesday night and he only has a few months left.

    I couldn't get out of bed yesterday and can't eat. My main upset at the moment is the thought of how he is feeling and how my mum will be feeling. They are trying to be strong and pragmatic but I know they are reeling at the news.

    I don't know how I'm going to cope over the next few weeks/months either.  People keep Saying make the most of your time together but that makes me panic and feel lots of pressure and it makes me scared that I'm not Going to 'make the most' and then live with regrets. I don't know how to make the most, he is too ill to do anything and has never been a great talker. I think I'm just going to try and see him more often and think of mundane things to talk about to try and take his mind off things or take the kids to visit for half an hour at at time or something. 

    I keep crying and it keeps coming over me in really strong waves and the pain actually hurts. The main things I have found helps so far is trying to keep busy so doing the washing and reading to the kids etc and doing their homework. I'm off on maternity leave at the moment but I have been reading some work emails to keep my mind occupied and then the other thing I have found gets me through another hour is playing Tetris or a word game on my phone, it seems to calm my mind a bit especially in the middle of the night. 
     

    the Macmillan nurses are coming out next week to do his plan so I'm hoping they will be another source of support for my Mum.

    Sending you lots of love and strength 

    xxxxx

     

     

     


     

     

  • Offline in reply to Jasjas81

    Hi ladies. I'm in a similar situation too regarding my Dad. He left being seen by a doctor way too long and now he's in hospital on a mechanical feed and what we think is throat cancer. We should be getting the staging and prognosis on Monday. We can't  visit him because of the policies they have in place regarding that. It's breaking our hearts not being able to see him whilst he's going through this. Anyway I've not got much advice but I didn't want to read and run, just wanted you to know I understand how you feel. I'm just feeling lost at the moment and worried for my mom too. Sending love xx

  • Offline in reply to Onlychild

    Hi onlychild

    Thanks for taking the time to message. I'm so sorry you are also going through this. I can't imagine how hard that is not being able to see him on top of everything. Sending love for Monday, really hope you can get a prognosis and him home soon. Sending you strength for this weekend too xxxx

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    Hi Sammie01

    I'm so sorry to hear about your Dad. I don't have any advice because I'm here for some advice myself, but I just didn't want to not respond. My Dad was disagnosed with prostate cancer 8 years ago and it's now spread to his spine. He's been on chemo this past year but it has battered his body and he has been in and out of hospital. He's currently in hospital really poorly and we were told yesterday that he now has only months left to live. Six weeks ago he was told if he continues with oral chemo he could have 6-10 years. How things can change so quickly has left us all very confused and angry.

    I'm so scared about what is going to happen over the coming months. Today I have had a day at home to take everything in and cry, a lot. Tomorrow I need to get back out there doing the hospital visits with my Mum and supporting her. I feel devastated for everyone on this site and hope you find aome way of coping. 

  • Offline in reply to Jasjas81

    Hi Jasjas, 

    I really appreciate your reply thank you so much. I'm so sorry to hear what you and your family have been going through too. It's such a tough time isn't it? I'm sure you will make the most of your time with your dad by just being with him when you can. When you said that your dad is not a great talker I immediately thought "this is exactly my dad"! That's why he's in this situation now because of him not speaking up and now it could be too late, he's not a very open person, even with me or my mom but Thankfully he's started using face time which shocked us. As we can't visit him this has really cheered us all up and he seems in quite good spirits. Hope you've had the best weekend that you can try to have, you've been in my thoughts. Take care xx

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