Thank you Carol, I think I keep dithering because scared of side effects, but won't know till I have it. You are right I keep thinking try it, I can always say no after if I want to. I just don't want to be defined by cancer and don't want it taking over my life, don't like losing control. I am just scared to be honest, I am 72 and to be honest my children want me to try as no husband to support me. Glad your husband has had such a wonderful result and thank you for your reply. 

Let me know how you get on. Lots of help here if you're struggling. Everyone reacts differently and I'm sure you're family will be there for you. Norman is doing ok lots of ups and downs but he plods on and that makes us happy. Xx

Well went to have my chemo yesterday and had a complete meltdown, think I cried more then than when I was told my  cancer was terminal. The nurses were brilliant to me and made me a cup of tea to try and settle me. I was petrified before I went in and then not being able to have anyone with me (I thought Covid was on the back-burner now) didn't help.So no Chemo yet, but has been rebooked for 2 weeks, I feel so much calmer now that I think the stress and anxiety was just waiting to erupt. Have had a very helpful telephone call from one of the Specialist nurses, which really.ly he.ped with my questions and anxiety, she also said she will try and see my at mynext appointment as some support. So although the anxiety is still there to some degree, I feel more able to face what comes next. Sorry to ramble so much.

Well that's good that they were all understanding and helpful. I went with my husband but it was so busy and I was in the way so he would go alone. They are such a good team the cancer nurses and it should go better next time. The unknown is the worst so you've overcome that first hurdle!  Always here for a good rant. Carol xx