Terminally Ill wife and children keep fighting destroying me

I have a terminally ill wife who I completely love, we have 4 children 3 are older step children and the littlest one is mine and hers (5yo)  I love them all as my own yet the eldest and my wife fight fairly consistently and it gets quite explosive no physical violence has arisen yet there is alot of screaming. This is almost systematic and predictable like a never ending cycle ever few weeks. The fallout of this is damaging in more than one way my eldest suffers from bipolar which is difficult to deal with at times and can bring about psychotic and callous behaviour the others seem apathetic most of the time and more concerned with there own personal issues the fighting stresses all parties out and scares the little one at times. The effect on myself is more detrimental than I maybe willing to admit as I try to be the peace maker, yet and this feels horrible to admit I feel like I am enduring this just so me and the little one can escape the chaos after my wife has left us, I predict the eldest will most likely carry on with there lives and I have to put a new one together for me and our little one,  for the love of my wife I will do this. I see there been little contact with the elder kids in the future which is a shame as I'd never want to split them from the young one yet just the way they are i feel they will just fade away into there own lives. It's the arguing lately I am struggling to endure as my wife accuses me of not backing her up, which to be honest is true but only because it has reached a point of futility and I am exhausted of it, I feel like taking the little one and running away now and starting anew and get away from it all the squabbling the illness everything, but in reality I couldn't bare the feeling of abandoning my wife. So I endure instead I just don't know how much longer I can.

Am I doing the right thing is there another way to handle this? 

Has anyone else experienced or going through something similar? 

 

Parents
  • Hi jack-mac.  Don't envy you at all. I have a 22 and 30 year olds they get on well together. I'd have to hate and choose one or the other if they were at conflict with each other.  If your wife says you don't back her up. Ask her what it is she wants you to do, If the older step children are old enough to go there own seperate ways.

    tell your wife if they don't visit they can't argue. it would make your life your wife's life  and your youngest will not be stuck inbetween. It's the old saying cruel to be kind.  If your wife dimisses it then I can't see were you go from there. My wife died in July 2020 she was diagnosed in late may. so those last 6 weeks we had together were the most precious moments in our 34 year marraige.. All the infighting with your step children isn't worth it. Can you imagine what it will be like in the final moments. If it ends up them cutting you off. who's to say they weren't or won't do it in the long run. you have your own young one to care for. do what's right for her you and your wife.  Jack don't get me wrong, but I say what I think and I don't mean what I've posted in a nasty way what so ever.

Reply
  • Hi jack-mac.  Don't envy you at all. I have a 22 and 30 year olds they get on well together. I'd have to hate and choose one or the other if they were at conflict with each other.  If your wife says you don't back her up. Ask her what it is she wants you to do, If the older step children are old enough to go there own seperate ways.

    tell your wife if they don't visit they can't argue. it would make your life your wife's life  and your youngest will not be stuck inbetween. It's the old saying cruel to be kind.  If your wife dimisses it then I can't see were you go from there. My wife died in July 2020 she was diagnosed in late may. so those last 6 weeks we had together were the most precious moments in our 34 year marraige.. All the infighting with your step children isn't worth it. Can you imagine what it will be like in the final moments. If it ends up them cutting you off. who's to say they weren't or won't do it in the long run. you have your own young one to care for. do what's right for her you and your wife.  Jack don't get me wrong, but I say what I think and I don't mean what I've posted in a nasty way what so ever.

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