Hi there .... 

So so sorry your going through this heartbraking time at the moment.... loosing our mum's are one of the hardest things we go through ... I lost both parents in my 30s ... and lost a s8ater to dementure, very Simerla to what you've gone through ... and those last days are the toughest ... feeling helpless and watching them is heartbraking.... but sadly nearly all those who come here have gone through too ..

Your not alone .... and it's a good place to share feelings and vent or chat ... all I'd say is take a day at a time ... and even just holding her hand, is something we'd all want at that time ... so take care of you too .. sending a vertual hug.... Chrissie x

Hi,

So sorry to hear your going through such a difficult time and have been for the last few years. Ilost my dad last July after a 2 year battle with bowel cancer. He was 75 and fit as a fiddle before that. He had a major op, chemo which resulted in infections and more hospitalisation, steroids. When Covid hit they told us he had a year with more chemo or 3-6 months without and if he chose chemo & caughr covid was told he would die in days. My dad chose not to have chemo and he lasted 4 months. I can honestly say it's the most horrible, difficult and emotional experience of my life. Watching a loved one deteriorate and feeling completely helpless is just so hard. Like you I began grieving when my dad was given the 4-6 months. My dad didn't speak once about dying and I found that difficult too. It may seem selfish but i just wanted him to say he accepted it but i know he didn't and that is so hard, nobody really wants to die. It's a year later now and things are better, after all you have to move on in life, supporting my mam is my priority, she hasn't coped very well with it all. When your smack in the middle of it you feel totally helpless but that's how we all feel in that position. I don't think you feel any sort of peace until a long time after they pass. I found peace as I was just glad dad wasn't suffering anymore. I think the mental struggle must be as bad if not worse than their physical pain. All you can do is exactly what your doing, just be there. Unfortunately you can't change the pain you feel or take your mams pain away, it's part of the process of this unrelenting disease. So try to take each day, hour, minute as it comes and make sure you give yourself some time to heal when your mam passes and always remember you were there for her every step and she loves you. My heart goes out to you xxx

Hi,thankyou for your kind message,I'm so sorry for your losses x I'm trying to take one painful day at a time right now but it's never easy is it?to see your mum change from a strong woman to a shell of her former self is heartbreaking,thanks for taking the time to reply,virtual hugs