I feel your pain so badly!!

the day after Mother's Day this year I took my mum to the doctors as I felt something wasn't quite right (I have not seen my mum on a regular basis due to COVID just dropped food etc but talk to her 4/5 times a day on the phone. Mother's Day I cooked her a meal for the first time in over a year) at the doctors they believed mum may have a brain infection which at the time I thought no as I'd had one 2 weeks before. I was thinking Alzheimer's dementia something along those lines. Mum got rushed to hospital for tests. Luckily due to mums confusion they allowed me to stay with her. We sat there until 2 am when they have her a room and I left to get some sleep was told to return around 9.30am for results from mri. 
when I returned I was hit with I do not know what to call it felt like train after train after train!!! My mother had a very very large mass on her brain with a shadow caused by pressure. Fast forward 2 days and we was told it is stage 4 glioblastoma one of the deadliest cancers. There is no treatment options for her as the mass is so large and it is now palative care.

I have no idea if I am doing the right thing but I have brought her home to my house to care for her I cannot bare the thought of anyone else doing it I feel it's my responsibility. The problem I have is my 3 children, the fact I can't cry and let her see me upset, I walk down stairs every morning not knowing if she will be alive. I cannot express how hard it is to sit here every minute of the day and watch her deteriorating. We had a driver put in 2 weeks ago as we all thought it was the end the day after was like a miracle cure I had my mum back. Every day since is worse and worse she is no longer eating she is asleep 95% of the day. The cancer she has is so cruel as it's taking her so quickly yet there are glimpses of her left. 
We also share the same birthday and I physically do not know how I am going to cope!! I have never spent a Christmas without her yet I know I will be lucky to have her a month.

The way I feel is awful I dnt want her to go yet but I'd prefer for her to not have any pain or deteriorate anymore. I dnt know how long I can do this for but I dnt want her to go anywhere I want my life back but before this I dnt want to lose my mum I am scared how I am going to accept it I am trying to be so strong but I am falling apart. I feel like no one understands how I feel right now this is not right. I am never going to be me again. 

I feel your pain so badly!!

the day after Mother's Day this year I took my mum to the doctors as I felt something wasn't quite right (I have not seen my mum on a regular basis due to COVID just dropped food etc but talk to her 4/5 times a day on the phone. Mother's Day I cooked her a meal for the first time in over a year) at the doctors they believed mum may have a brain infection which at the time I thought no as I'd had one 2 weeks before. I was thinking Alzheimer's dementia something along those lines. Mum got rushed to hospital for tests. Luckily due to mums confusion they allowed me to stay with her. We sat there until 2 am when they have her a room and I left to get some sleep was told to return around 9.30am for results from mri. 
when I returned I was hit with I do not know what to call it felt like train after train after train!!! My mother had a very very large mass on her brain with a shadow caused by pressure. Fast forward 2 days and we was told it is stage 4 glioblastoma one of the deadliest cancers. There is no treatment options for her as the mass is so large and it is now palative care.

I have no idea if I am doing the right thing but I have brought her home to my house to care for her I cannot bare the thought of anyone else doing it I feel it's my responsibility. The problem I have is my 3 children, the fact I can't cry and let her see me upset, I walk down stairs every morning not knowing if she will be alive. I cannot express how hard it is to sit here every minute of the day and watch her deteriorating. We had a driver put in 2 weeks ago as we all thought it was the end the day after was like a miracle cure I had my mum back. Every day since is worse and worse she is no longer eating she is asleep 95% of the day. The cancer she has is so cruel as it's taking her so quickly yet there are glimpses of her left. 
We also share the same birthday and I physically do not know how I am going to cope!! I have never spent a Christmas without her yet I know I will be lucky to have her a month.

The way I feel is awful I dnt want her to go yet but I'd prefer for her to not have any pain or deteriorate anymore. I dnt know how long I can do this for but I dnt want her to go anywhere I want my life back but before this I dnt want to lose my mum I am scared how I am going to accept it I am trying to be so strong but I am falling apart. I feel like no one understands how I feel right now this is not right. I am never going to be me again.