Mum has terminal lung cancer

Hi everyone, this is my first post here. Not something I wanted to do but this is where I am. My mum was diagnosed with Lung Cancer back in January. She has always been super fit before that. The only sig. We had was she coughed up a little blood and then things snowballed from there. It turned out she had Metastatic Kidney Cancer and now Some small tumours in the brain. She has been managing ok but things seem to be getting worse. She had Srs radiotherapy for her brain mets and that seemed to go ok. We are about 1 and a half weeks later now and she is really struggling. Constantly tired and struggling to get around like she did. She says she's constantly tired and has a lot of aching on her right hand side.

She's not in any pain now we got the medication sorted but I'm constantly worried. I'm hoping she will pick back up again. She had a patch before where she was constantly tired and she came back round to be more active. I'm worried out of my mind that she will keep declining. Could this tiredness be down to the brain radiotherapy. She seemed ok when she had it but she was on steroids. The doctor said 6-9 months then 9-12 if they can get control of the cancer. She is supposed to be having radiotherapy for her lung but I'm not sure what will happen with her feeling weaker. She wasn't so bad only a few days ago and now she is very tired again. I just don't know how to cope with losing my mum. She's my life and I will be lost without her. I've been living with her at home for the past 18 years due to my own illness. We are so close and it feels like my world is falling apart. I know other people go through this but I am struggling. This is the hardest thing I will ever have to do. Muly mum is 65, she still feels so young to me. Thank you for reading. 

  • Hi Jolamine, thank you so much for the kind words. It went as well as it could. It felt a little difficult as my mum was mentioned a lot so it felt like I was going through that again. We managed ok though, it was difficult but I think it always is when you have to say goodbye. Thank you so much Jolamine, I hope you have been feeling ok. You take care.

    Simon x

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    Hi Simon, 

    I'm glad to hear that you got through the day all right. I thought that you might find it difficult to hear mention of your Mum again so soon, but am glad to hear that you managed.

    Don't forget that I am always here if you want to talk.

    Jolamine xx

  • Hi Jolamine, yes I think that was the most difficult bit when they mentioned my mum. It brought a lot of memories back and it doesn't feel that long since we lost her. I don't think you ever get over it do you, you just learn to manage better. Thank you so much Jolamine, that really means a lot to me. I hope your health is ok at the moment and you are doing better. Thank you Jolamine. 
    Simon x

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    Hi Simon,

    I don't want to intrude, but I am just wodering how you're coping. It's not that long since you lost your Mum, so mention of her was bound to bring back memories. However, it was something that had to be done and, I'm so glad to hear that you got through it.

    Thinking of you and your sister.

    Kind regards,

    Jolamine xx

  • Hi Jolamine, how are you. Don't worry you are not intruding at all! I'm doing ok thank you. Things still feel very strange but I have kept busy getting things in order. I've mostly been sorting out the bills and putting them in my name and seeing what help I can qualify for. It was very difficult and brought back lots of memories of my mum but I knew that could happen! 
    Its such a massive change going from having both parents to being on my own. My sister helps where she can but I know it's just something I have to get through. I am doing ok though thank you.

    How are you doing Jolamine, I hope you are your husbands health has been ok.

    Simon x

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    Hi Simon,

    I am glad to hear that you are coping. It sounds as if you are keeping busy with transferring papers into your name. There is always a lot of tis work to be done and it can be quite time consuming and frustrating at times.

    Have you got someone to help with what benefits you are entitled to? It is difficult to do this on your own, but the people at the CItizen's Advice Bureau are usually very helpful with this, as are social workers.

    You will find it very strange living on your own now and I hope that you will get used to it, although it will take time.

    We are not doing too badly, thanks Simon. Hubby hasn't been so good for the past couple of weeks, but is seeing the doctor on Friday. I am waiting to see the cardiologist again about my high blood pressure. Otherwise we're both ok.

    Thinking of you. Take care of yourself.

    Jolamine xx

  • Hi Jolamine, I'm sorry to hear your husband hasn't been well. Hopefully the doctor can help him today and the cardiologist can help with your blood pressure too. Yes I have felt quite busy even though I'm not actually doing that much! Just lots of things to organise with the house and bill paperwork, it does feel endless at times!

    I have looked into it and I do believe I may be eligible for PIP so I am applying for that. Every little bit helps, I must admit when my mum and dad were around it didn't matter so much but now I do need to claim anything I am entitled to. You are right Jolamine, I am going to see citizens advice just to make sure I am doing everything I can. 

    It has felt quite strange on my own, again with being so busy you don't really notice and then all of a sudden it hits you! I guess it's just getting used to it over time. I am managing ok though. Thank you so much Jolamine, I hope your appointments go well. You take care.

    Simon x

  • Hi Simon,

    It has been some time since I last heard from you and you have been in my thoughts. I hope that you have managed to get most of your paperwork sorted by now and that you are getting more accustomed to living on your own.

    Kind regards,

    Jolamine x

  • Hi Jolamine, I hope you are well. I was just thinking about you the other day! I looked and saw you had been online so I was going to message you. I know I haven't checked in for a while. I'm doing ok thanks. Slowly getting used to things now. I'm not so keen on holidays like Easter as they are always times you seem to miss them most! 
    You do just get used to things don't you, time passes and you have to try and make the best of it. I still haven't wrapped my head around the fact they are both gone yet but I know that will take time. It is sinking in now though as things become more normal. How have you been Jolamine, is your husband doing ok? 
    Have you got any plans for Easter, I'm not doing too much although I did get myself an Easter egg! I hope you are well. 

    Simon x

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    Hi Simon,

    I don't want to keep pestering you, as you begin to come to terms with all that has happened. However, rest assured that you can always message me and you are always in my thoughts. Unfortunately, holidays and anniversaries are always hard. I'm glad to hear that you treated yourself to an Easter egg. I avoided the temptation to buy any for ourselves, but I did get our grandchildren one each.

    I hope that you have manaed to sort out your finances and that you were eligible for some benefits.

    We are seeing a big difference in hubby's memory and he is slowing down a lot. However, I suppose that this is all to be expected. We have had beautiful weather here for Easter and have spent the weekend buying a new carpet and paint for a room that we're redecorating. I'll need to start painting tomorrow, as the carpet will arrive in a couple of weeks.

    Kind regards,

    Jolamine xx