Hi,my mum was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer just over 18months ago, she also has it in her lymph nodes and rib,she has had immunotherapy and radiation therapy,she seemed to pic up a little bit,but now she is in a lot of pain and lost loads of weight, last few days she has spent most of it in bed, she in 40 mg morphine twice a day plus the liquid when needed, the consultant said he is considering cemo but thinks the side effects would be too much, can anyone tell me if this could be the end or could she pic up again,im at a loss as to what to expect 

Hi Loo1512, I'm sorry to hear that. I can't really help on what could happen next. I know Jolamine will be able to help you more. From my experience with my mum once you are too weak for treatment it usually means that there isn't too much more they can do. I know everybody is different though. Try and savour every moment you can with your mum. All the time you can spend together is special. My thoughts are with you and your mum. X

Simon 

HI Simon,

My son went back to see his surgeon recently. The pain in his back is slightly better but it is still very sore. He has been advised to wait another 6 weeks. If no better then they will give him another MRI with a view to further surgery. 

Yes selling my practice has kept me exceptionally busy this month, but I'm hoping to hand everything over at the end of this month.

I'm glad to hear that you are still coping. I'm sure that Christmas and New Year were tough for you. Grief is a strange emotion and has no time limits. You are bound to have spells which just hit you out of the blue, but you will gradually find that you begin to accept your loss.

Thinking of you and wishing you brighter days.

Regards,

Jolamine xx

Hi Jolamine, how are you. I'm glad your sons back pain is a little better and I am hoping that it does continue to get better. It must be really difficult for you him. I do hope that something can be done to make him more comfortable. It sounds like this is not something that can be fixed quickly though. My thoughts are with you both. 
Ah that's good, hopefully by the end of the month you will be able to slow down a little bit and get some more time to yourself!  I can only imagine how stressful it must be to sell a business! Hopefully there are no hiccups and it all goes through for you.

Thank you, yes Christmas and new year were a bit of a non event but I expected that. The strangest thing is this has been the most difficult month since she passed. Like you said there are no rules for grief, it is a very strange thing. Some days are ok and others are awful. Emotions can change a lot, sometimes you think tut can't get through it but you do. Thank you Jolamine, I am coping ok.

Thank you for the kind thoughts. I wish all the best for your son and hope you do get some good news in the future. You take care Jolamine. X

Simon

Hi Simon,

We'll just have to give my son's back a little longer to heal before they decide to operate again. His surgeon says that he will do another MRI in 6 weeks and, if no better then, he may operate again. There is also talk of another operation to his neck following another Cortisone injection, but this shouldn't be as dangerous as his last op and wouldn't take place for another 9 months.

We are gradually getting there with the business. I should be retired by this time next week, which seems hard to believe at the moment!

I am sorry to hear that you have found January/February to have been the most difficult time since your mum passed. It is often difficult to say what triggers these - there really is no explanation at times. We get through the bad moments because we have to  - unfortunately, there are no options, but I am glad to hear that you are coping.

Thinking of you.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Hi Jolamine, thank you for your kind words. I'm so sorry you are going through this with your son, it must be difficult for you all. My thoughts are with you and I hope he can get the help he needs if it doesn't improve. I have heard of those cortisone injections, hopefully they do whatever they can to make him more comfortable. That's good that it's not as serious as the other operation. Hopefully he improves in the future. I wish you all the best.

Ah that's good, are you glad to be retired or will it feel strange! I'm sure you will appreciate the extra time to yourself! I hope it all goes through ok.

Yeah some weeks are ok and others it's difficult. Like you said there's no rhyme and reason for when it hits you. I think we do have to get through because we don't have an option. I think we are all stronger than we think we are, we just don't know until we have to go through it. I just try and do my best to make my mum proud. Thank you Jolamine, thinking of you too and wishing all the best for your son. You take care. X

Simon

Hi simon,

Sorry for the delay in replying. It has been a particularly busy time and took longer than I thought to finalise the sale of my practice. I handed it over on 3rd March and I am finding it strange to have all this extra time, but am gradually getting thins in order at home. 

It is also giving me more time with hubby and we hope to get away for a few day trips when the weather gets a bit warmer.

I am glad to hear that you are soldiering on and doing your best to make your mum proud. Have you managed to have a chat with your own GP yet? I hope that you manage to soon.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Hi Jolamine, I'm glad you finally got everything sorted. I'm sure it does feel strange but I think you will get used to it after a while. It must be nice to take it a little bit easier! That sounds good, hopefully the weather warms up a bit although it has been a little better these last few days! I'm sure you will be able to go on some nice trips with your free time now! 

I am doing ok thanks Jolamine, I did speak to the doctor finally! . He is sending me to a psychotherapist I believe to help me cope better with my condition. It's a start anyway, at least I am seeing someone rather than just waiting! I did have a bad patch this last week were my dizziness came back a lot. I think that's when it hit me most that my mum wasn't here. When you feel ill you always want your mum! I know you have to just be strong and try and make her proud. I believe that she is still here with me watching over me. 

I hope everything is ok with you, I hope your son is doing ok and is improving. I'm thinking of you both. You take care Jolamine! X

Simon

Hi Simon,

Yes, everything is sorted at last and, I'm gradually getting used to having all of this extra time on my hands. I am glad to hear that you have spoken to a doctor about your condition and that he is referring you to see a psychotherapist. Did you ask if tests had improved or whether there were any new treatments that might help you more?

I am sorry to hear that you weren't so good last week. This is definitely when you feel that you need your mum more. I still believe that my mum is with me too and I find it a great comfort to think that she is still watching over us. I hope that you are feeling better this week. My son is due to chat with his surgeon again soon to see if he feels that more back surgery might help. He is also waiting for another cortisone injection into his neck to see if that makes any difference.

Take care Simon. My thoughts are with you.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Hi Jolamine, that's good that you finally got there. It did sound like it took quite a bit longer than you expected to get the sale through! I'm glad it's all sorted now though and you are going to get more free time! Ah I see, my thoughts are with you both. I hope he is managing ok and the surgery was successful. If not I hope the cortisone injection works, I have heard they can be very effective. My thoughts are with you Jolamine.

Yes I didn't really get that far with my doctor but as I have just moved surgery I think for now I just wanted to get things started. It's difficult as it was a phone appointment so I didn't feel like I had much time to chat. Hopefully I can get in at some point and see if there are other avenues to explore. Maybe there are some new tests that may be able to help. He offered me the psychotherapy so I took it. I'm open to anything that can help me! You are right Jolamine, there's lots of times when you need your mum! I definitely feel like she is there and I do chat to her, it definitely helps even if it's not enough sometimes! Thank you I have been feeling a little better, I know when I have my bad patches it's usually just time that helps. 
 

Thank you Jolamine, that means a lot to me. I hope you get some good news with your son and you are enjoying your extra free time! You look after yourself Jolamine. X

Simon

Hi Simon,

I am glad to hear that you are feeling slightly better - as we said before, you will get 'ups' and 'downs' for quite a while yet. I am sorry to hear that you didn't really get that far with your GP, but you have at least got things started, so it wasn't a total waste of time. You might find it helpful to write down some of your past history before you talk to him again, as many doctors don't take the time to go back as far in your medical history as you need to go. If you can give him a potted history with tests, time frames, what has been done, medication tried, etc., he may become more interested. You can then explain that you are aware that there have been many advances in medicine in that time and see if he can suggest anything new that might be able to help.

Did he give you any indication of how long you are likely to have to wait for a psychotherapy appointment? - I hope that it won't be too long.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Hi Jolamine, thank you. Yes I am a little better now. I have had a bad patch so I understand what you mean. It varies so much and comes out of the blue. Yes I think at least I got a start with my GP. I think you are right, when I spoke to him he said he only has a few notes so I don't think he has too much idea what has been going on. It will definitely be worth me doing a timeline of sorts. There was quite a lot happening at the beginning and then it tailed of when they were struggling to find the cause. They was 19 years ago though so I can understand why that happened. Perhaps if he knows the full story he may be able to do more. I last saw the specialists over a decade ago so things may well have changed.

He said there's quite a bit of a wait for the pshycotherapist so I'm not sure exactly how long it will be. Looking online it can be in the months but I believe they will to see you within 16 weeks. It's not the quickest but I'm happy to wait as long as something is beig done. How are you Jolamine, I hope your son is doing as well as can be. I hope you are starting to get used to your free time you have now! The weather has been nice for a few days hasn't it until we got snow today! Haha. Hopefully the weather will improve and then you can start planning all your day trips! You take care Jolamine. X

Simon

Hi Jolamine, thank you. Yes I am a little better now. I have had a bad patch so I understand what you mean. It varies so much and comes out of the blue. Yes I think at least I got a start with my GP. I think you are right, when I spoke to him he said he only has a few notes so I don't think he has too much idea what has been going on. It will definitely be worth me doing a timeline of sorts. There was quite a lot happening at the beginning and then it tailed of when they were struggling to find the cause. They was 19 years ago though so I can understand why that happened. Perhaps if he knows the full story he may be able to do more. I last saw the specialists over a decade ago so things may well have changed.

He said there's quite a bit of a wait for the pshycotherapist so I'm not sure exactly how long it will be. Looking online it can be in the months but I believe they will to see you within 16 weeks. It's not the quickest but I'm happy to wait as long as something is beig done. How are you Jolamine, I hope your son is doing as well as can be. I hope you are starting to get used to your free time you have now! The weather has been nice for a few days hasn't it until we got snow today! Haha. Hopefully the weather will improve and then you can start planning all your day trips! You take care Jolamine. X

Simon

Hi Simon,

Most doctors have transferred over to computerised notes in the past 19 years. As far as I understand, only the past 4 years notes previous to the changeover have been updated on computer with my GP. If your practice is the same, your GP may only have a very patchy idea of what has been done for you previously. This is why I suggested that you write a potted history of tests, outcomes and timelines.

I have been busy planting seeds and getting the garden tidied up. We also had the snow, just two days after I had planted all of my seeds. Fortunately, I have a heater in the greenhouse.

Kind regards,

Jolamine x

Hi Jolamine, I hope you are ok and your son is doing ok too. Ah I never knew that. I thought they had your whole back history. It definitely makes sense to let him know then as there hasn't been much done in the last 4 years. I will write everything down as you said. It can't do any harm anyway. I think it will take some remembering, my illness started 19 years ago now! It's unbelievable how time flies.

That sounds nice Jolamine, it must be good to have a green house. I've never tried growing things, I doubt I would be any good at it but I should give it a try! Yeah we had a little bit of a bad patch but it's been a little better this weekend. The sun came out anyway for a little bit! I've been trying to get out a little  more even or it's just sitting in the garden. It's so easy to just sit in the same 4 walls. My mum always said you need to get outside, fresh air is good for you so that's what I'm trying! I hope everything is ok with you Jolamine. You take care. X

Simon

Hi Simon,

I'm not sure if this is what your practice may have done- it certainly is the way most practices up here have coped with the changeover. You should certainly try a little gardening idf it interests you. It's a great way to get out in the fresh air and it's lovely to see things that you've grown flowering or reaching fruition. Don't worry about not being any good at it. Anybody can grow things. 

I should get out more frequently myself and the garden forces me to do this - as you said, it's all too easy to sit in and stare at the same 4 walls every day. I hope that you are gradually feeling a little better. You will get spells like this unfortunately and it's a case of getting through these any way you can. We had a lovely spell of weather just before the snow, but it has been decidely chilly since then. Here's hoping that it picks up again for Easter.

Take care Simon.

Kind regards,

Jolamine, x

Hi Jolamine, sorry I am late to reply. Yeah I imagine it will be the same all over. My doctor certainly didn't sound like he knew my history anyway. I must admit I haven't tried much gardening. I did get a little garden pot I made for my mum and planted a few flowers. I understand they only grow at certain times though, through winter they haven't looked good but hopefully they will start to grow again now! Yes it is important to get fresh air but it's so easy to just get set in your ways and not go out. I do it too much, I know I need to push myself more. As you said a garden or something like that encourages you, I try to do more when I'm feeling better. With the sun coming out now though it is the perfect time to do it! 
Yes it's Easter soon isn't it, I'm losing track of days! Holidays just seem to come and go, time feels like a bit of a blur at the moment. Have you got any plans for Easter Jolamine. I hope you are doing ok. You take care. X

Simon

Hi Simon,

There is never any hurry to reply to me. 

Some flowers only last for the one season - usually summer and then die back when the first frosts appear. Others are what is called hardy annuals and these come up year after year - or should do this.  I find that a lot of plants, which are supposed to be hardy, still cannot cope with the very hard frosts that we get in Scotland. To be honest, I find it difficult to cope with our large garden now, but once I get my house sorted, I think that we will be looking for something smaller and easier to keep. The one good thing though, is that it forces me outside, as I'm a bit of a couch potato otherwise.

How did you get through Easter Simon? Weather was nice here today, so I spent some time potting seedlings on - I've still got plenty more to do though!

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Hi Jolamine, how are you? Ah I see, I'm not too well up on the gardening thing. It's about time I learned! Lol. I did realise some plants only bloomed certain times of year. I do prefer those Hardy annuals! I never knew they were called that, I just thought they were all year round plants. It sounds like you know what you are doing Jolamine! Ah yeah in Scotland you do get quite bad cold patches. I'm near Manchester so I'm in the middle. It always seems to be warmer down south! 
I know what you mean Jolamine, it's so easy to just let the days go by without doing anything. You get set in your ways and I don't go out as much as I should. It's just a habit you get into but I am trying to get out like you. It sounds like you could do with a smaller place, big houses are a real pain to look after. I think smaller is better as far as keeping on top of everything. 
It was ok thanks Jolamine, to be honest I missed my mum a lot and Easter is a time that I have never really paid attention to before but it was a lot more difficult than I expected. You can never tell how you will feel, every holiday is like a new experience. The first one without always seems tough. How was your Easter Jolamine, it sounds like you got a little bit of gardening done, it has been really nice weather hasn't it. Spring finally arrived! Lol. I hope all is well and your son is doing ok. You take care Jolamine. x

Simon

Hi Simon,

Yes you do seem to get much milder weather down south. We seem to have a constant battle to keep plants alive up here. What with the clay soil and the cold weather, it's not an easy task!

Do you have any interests that might help you to get out a bit more? Sometimes, doing something you enjoy is the best way to take you away from your old habits of sitting at home. We could certainly do with a house with a smaller garden. We could cope with the house if the garden wasn't so big. We've lived here for almost 40 years, so it's a thought to move.

I am sorry to hear that you found Easter a hard time. It is strange how holidays that you never really noted before still pose a challenge. Still, you have got through that first year of anniversaries and holidays and, things should gradually become easier to cope with year by year.

We had a lovely spell of weather in February, which was most unusual. However it made up for this in March and April, with several snow showers. This weekend was quite mild, so I took advantage of it and did some gardening. I got lots of seedlings potted on and put down some manure and top soil. I also attacked some of the moss, which has taken over with the mild windter - that's one thing that is helped by the frost!

Let's hope that spring is here to stay now! Take care Simon.

Jolamine xx

Hi Jolamine, ah yes Scotland does have a reputation for being a bit cold! I can imagine it's difficult to keep things growing. If your garden is big it must take a lot of maintenances it sounds like you have been there a long time though, it's hard to move once you are so settled in somewhere. 

I do try and get out as much as possible even if it's just the garden for fresh air. Our garden is pretty much concrete so no real chance of growing anything but I could definitely put plant pots there! I try and get out to the shops when I can, it's not for long but it does take your mind off things as you said. I definitely need to get out of the 4 walls, it can drive you stir crazy sitting in all the time! 

Thank you Jolamine, yes I was surprised too. A holiday I didn't even think about turned out to be really difficulty I give up predicting now because you never know how you will feel till you get there. Yes it's 1 year next month. I can't really believe that time has passed, it sometimes feels like years ago and other times like last week. It's very strange. 
It's been quite nice recently hasn't it! I think that makes you want to go out more even it's a bit warmer. You sound like you are a dab hand at gardening Jolamine! I can see why people do it, it keeps you busy and gives you a purpose to go out. I do know about the moss! We have a little garden at the front and there the annoying stuff that gets everywhere isn't it! At least the cold weather is good for something then! Hopefully Jolamine, the weather stays nice for us both! I hope your son is doing ok. You take care Jolamine. X

Simon

Hi Simon,

We’ve lived in this house for 40+ years and brought our children up here, so there’s a lot of memories attached. The garden does take a lot of maintenance, as does our home, which was built in 1920. My greenhouse was full to over-flowing, so we bought a new temporary shelved greenhouse to store some of our plants in, until they can be planted out in June – we can still get frost up to the end of May, so it’s pointless planting them out before then.

Even if your garden is all cement, you could still brighten up the area with some nice colourful flowers in containers. My garden is a mixture of grass, concrete slabs and tarmac. I have over 100 planters placed on the concrete and tarmac surfaces to make it look less forlorn. Many of these are old car tyres which we have re-purposed as planters.

As we’ve said before, grief can hit us at the most surprising time and take us totally unaware. It is hard to believe that it is almost a year now, but at times it can still feel as raw as if it was last week.

My son is still waiting to have another injection into his neck, prior to any decision on more surgery being made. There’s still no word of when he’ll get it, so we’ll just have to be patient. I am certainly not a dab hand at gardening Simon. The large garden was great for the children to play in when they were small, but now that they’ve flown the nest, we have to try and keep it looking tidy. However, with neither of us in particularly good health, this is getting harder. However, I do like to see it full of beautiful scented flowers. We also grow tomatoes, rhubarb, apples, parsley, chives and quince. It is lovely to have these fresh throughout the season and the flavours are so much better than shop bought – it certainly does give us a purpose to get out though.

How is your dad keeping now? Is he still allowing the carers to come in and, is he any happier with them now?

I hope that you are feeling a little better again now Simon, although I appreciate that you have another ‘special’ date looming on the horizon.

I shall be thinking of you.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Hi Jolamine, I hope you are well. It sounds like you have a lot of good memories there. I do think the older houses are definitely built better than these newer ones! Ah I see, you just have quite a lot of plants if you needed a temporary greenhouse! Yes I did think about doing that, I originally bought a small pot to do a small little garden for my mum. We planted some flowers in there but I must admit that's my only experience of gardening! We did get a nice night light which always makes me smile when I see it on. With the solar power it barely makes it through the night at winter but with the sun hopefully coming out it should last better. 

it is strange Jolamine, some days I don't know wether it happened yesterday or months ago. You lose all track of time. Ah ok I hope the next injection helps him, it sounds like its a waiting game for you all. My thoughts are with you Jolamine. 

Yes I can imagine if your house was full with the children and now they moved out it is probably bigger than you need. It sounds like you are growing some nice food though! I totally agree the freshly grown stuff is much better then shop bought. The flavours are so much better!

He is doing ok thanks Jolamine. The carers are coming now and he doesn't really moan. He still doesn't eat as well as he should but that's his choice. The caters will do it but he is managing to do it himself if he wants too. Thanks Jolamine, yes the anniversary isn't far off. I'm not really thinking about it, I know it's just another tough day. There are lots of those so just trying to get though one day at a time. Thankyou Jolamine, that means a lot. You take care too. X

Simon