Hi,my mum was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer just over 18months ago, she also has it in her lymph nodes and rib,she has had immunotherapy and radiation therapy,she seemed to pic up a little bit,but now she is in a lot of pain and lost loads of weight, last few days she has spent most of it in bed, she in 40 mg morphine twice a day plus the liquid when needed, the consultant said he is considering cemo but thinks the side effects would be too much, can anyone tell me if this could be the end or could she pic up again,im at a loss as to what to expect 

Hi Loo1512, I'm sorry to hear that. I can't really help on what could happen next. I know Jolamine will be able to help you more. From my experience with my mum once you are too weak for treatment it usually means that there isn't too much more they can do. I know everybody is different though. Try and savour every moment you can with your mum. All the time you can spend together is special. My thoughts are with you and your mum. X

Simon 

HI Simon,

Thank you for your kind offer of help. Unfortunately, there's not much that anyone can do. I try to get on with things as normally as I can. I am currently trying to sell my business, as this would take away a lot of the strain. Unfortunately, with Covid, this is not the best time to sell.

Let's get on to some good news for a change. I got to see Archie yesterday. He has had 2 more Physio appointments. At the last one the Physio had him up walking and, gave him the go ahead to walk with the aid of 2 nurses. He did this for a few days, then decided to try it by himself and, believe it or not, he is now walking again - not very steadily and at quite an angle. I'm absolutely delighted to see this and he feels a great sense of achievement that he has done it.

I hope that all is well with you.

Kind regards,

Jolamine

Hi Jolamine, I know there's not a lot I can do but I'm always here if you need any support. It must be very difficult for you. Trying to sell a business at the moment must be a bit of a nightmare. There's so much going on with Covid and other things. I do wish you all the best and hope you can manage to do that at some point, especially if it will make it easy for you to cope. 
Ah that is good news, you said he was very strong and there he goes again proving it. It sounds like he is full of fight and the fact he is walking again on his own so quickly is great news. I'm sure you all feel a lot better knowing that he is getting back to his old self. It must be very satisfying for him and yourself. I am very pleased for you Jolamine, hopefully he continues with his physio and his waking continues to improve. It sounds like he's doing amazing to be walking so quicky after such a small amount of physio! I'm doing ok, thank you Jolamine. I hope you are managing to cope ok with everything, my thoughts are with you all. You take care. X

Simon

Hi Simon,

I am glad to hear that you are doing ok. As cliché as it sounds, your mum still lives on within you and your sister. Remembering the lifelong impact she's had on your lives, gives you something positive to focus on as you grieve. Unfortunately, you can’t bring her back, but she’ll never really leave you. I have always found this knowledge comforting and, it sounds as if you do too. I hope that you and your sister continue to talk about her with happier memories from time to time.

I'm delighted that Archie is back on his feet again, even though his balance is still very precarious - I just hope that he doesn't have another fall to set him back again. We have just had a letter from the home this afternoon informing us that they will allow up to 3 adults to visit residents in their bedrooms from next Monday. We will still have to book an appointment slot in advance and, will need to have a Covid test half an hour before visiting. We will also still have to continue wearing masks and  will only be allowed to visit once a week for up to half an hour, as they still want to limit the number of people in the home at any one time. However, this is much better than just allowing one person in, as they have been doing recently.

Regards,

Jolamine

Hi Jolamine, that is good that Archie is up and about so quickly. Hopefully he manages to get a little steadier on his feet. That's good news that they are letting 3 of you visit at once. It's still not a lot of time as you said but it may help Archie if he knows he will be able to see more people. I suppose they have to take it slowly with everything going on. I know the government says all the rules are off but I don't agree at all. I think people should be just as careful as ever, Just because they want to remove restrictions doesn't mean it's safe again! 
Yes I'm doing ok thanks, I definitely think mum is still here with me. I just keep getting moments where all of a sudden I realise she isn't there and I start to panic. I guess this is just normal, I think my head still won't let me believe she isn't coming back. I try not to think about it too much, once I start thinking that's when I usually get more and more upset. I hope you are doing ok Jolamine. X

Simon

Hi Simon,

I suspect that your moments of panic when you realise that your mum is no longer there, show that you are still in the denial stage to some extent. It takes people different  amounts of time to fully leave this stage behind and start to reach acceptance. This is upsetting, but it still sounds as if you are coping well - time is the only thing that will help with this.

It will be good for 3 of us to visit Archie because he has missed the company of other visitors, who talk to him when they are visiting other resiidents. Unfortunately none of the other residents can hold a conversation any longer and, this makes it a long day for him. He did have one lady who spoke to him, but sadly she passed away last year.

I totally agree that restrictions are being lifted far too soon. I fully intend to insist on the wearing of masks and the use of all PPE in my clinic for the foreseeable furure.

I am doing well thanks Simon and am very busy at present.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Hi Jolamine, I'm sorry to hear that. It must be very difficult for Archie if he has no one he can chat with. That's good that he can talk to the other visitors. I think you will all be relived that you can finally start the visits again! It must have been very difficult for you all. This Covid has not been good for anybody. I agree, I don't know how you can just pick a day and decide that's the one to let up the restrictions. On the one hand they are saying the numbers are going up and the next minute they sat masks are optional. It doesn't help, especially for you if you have your own clinic. I would definitely try and stay as safe as possible for now regardless what tour government tells us!

I think you are right Jolamine, I know that she has gone but there is definitely a part of me that hasn't accepted it. I know she's not coming back and when I do get upset it seems to be more painful now than it was when it first happened. It's more of a longing because I miss her so much. I think a lot of the time my head tries to forget it's happened as that's the only way I feel I can cope for now. I understand it's all about time. Hopefully down the line I will be able to look back and smile rather that just feeling pain. 
That's good Jolamine, you take care and make sure you don't over work yourself if you can. Best wishes. X

Simon

Hi Simon,

Yes it is hard for Archie, but he needs a home that offers nursing care as well as accommodation. Although his home takes both, it seems to attract people who have dementia, or people who have had a stroke and are non-verbal. The more serious cases are housed upstairs, but there are a number of people downstairs who should really be upstairs.This means that we are always hoping that any new resident is more vocal.

I think I said before, that it takes people different tims to come to terms with what has happened. It is not unusual to feel more pain than you did at first. Now that you are no longer involved with funeral arrangements and settling your mum's affairs, you will find that you have more time to dwell on what has happened.There is no doubt that one of these days you will smile and look back on happier times.

Take care,

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Hi Jolamine, ah yes I understand. It must be very difficult for him. You would like someone who can chat with him but thst does sound like it doesn't happen very often unfortunately. It must be hard for him with having no company. That is why it's so important that 3 of you are able to visit him! I hope he is doing ok. 
Thanks Jolamine, yes the days are strange now. It doesn't feel like it was over 2 months ago but it is. Some days aren't so bad and others are awful but I know you just have to get through them and hopefully I can smile down the line like you said. Thank you Jolamine, I hope you are doing ok. X

Simon

Hi Simon,

Sorry for the tardy reply. We have been busy getting ready to go away for a few days and, we are planning to meet up with my son and his family, which we are really looking forward to, as we haven't sen our granddaughters for over a year now - all I can say is, thank goodness for What's App and Facebook, which has kept us all in touch.

I plan to steer clear of the internet until we get home next weekend, so please don't worry if you don't hear from me until then.We managed to see Archie on Wednesday. He was in good form and still walking. I discovered when we were there that the ferrule on the end of his walking stick had a big chunk out of the foot, which I'm surprised the care staff hadn't picked up on. Hopefully, replacing this will save another fall!

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Hi Jolamine, no worries at all. That will be nice for you, I imagine that you will be glad to see your granddaughters after all this time! It's been an awful year, hopefully things get a little bit more back to normal in the future! Yes technology can sometimes be too much hassle but it is definitely very useful at the moment. It's been the only way to see others for lots of people recently. 
No worries at all Jolamine, you have a good time. I'm glad Archie is doing ok, I'm surprised the staff never noticed that with his walking stick. You would think they would have seen it. Best to get it fixed to make sure he is as safe as possible. You have a great time Jolamine. X

Simon

Hi Jolamine, no worries at all. That will be nice for you, I imagine that you will be glad to see your granddaughters after all this time! It's been an awful year, hopefully things get a little bit more back to normal in the future! Yes technology can sometimes be too much hassle but it is definitely very useful at the moment. It's been the only way to see others for lots of people recently. 
No worries at all Jolamine, you have a good time. I'm glad Archie is doing ok, I'm surprised the staff never noticed that with his walking stick. You would think they would have seen it. Best to get it fixed to make sure he is as safe as possible. You have a great time Jolamine. X

Simon

Thank you Simon,

We are now all ready to take off - Hooray!

Will be in touch when we get back after the weekend.

Jolamine xx

Hi Simon,

I am sorry for the delay in replying to you since we came back from our break. I  have been especially busy since our rreturn. Archie has has a chest infection for the past week. We had the doctor out to see him in the home on Tuesday. She said that she wanted him to have an x-ray, but didn't prioritise it, so we were still waiting to hear about this, when we got a phone call from the home yesterday morning to say that they had an ambulance there and he was being taken to hospital.

We met him there and were shocked at the change in his appearance since Tuesday. We waited 6 hours with him in A & E until he was admitted with pneumonia and an extensive infection in his lung. I wasn't allowed to visit him last night, as it is a booking system for visiting and limited to one person, for only 45 minutes. I was told that all visiting slots were taken.  I was furious when I dropped up some things for him to find the ward packed with visitors with as many as 3 to some beds and I still was't allowed to see him.

When we phoned up this morning to arrange a visit, we were told that he had had a bad night and was quite unsettled. An hour later we received a phone call from his doctor to go to the hospital. We stayed with him all day and left at 4.30 to give him a chance to sleep, as he hadn't slept at all last night. We got a phone call at 4.50 to go back as he had deteriorated very suddenly again. Sadly, he gave up the fight at 7.30pm. We will miss him.

I hope that you are still coping.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Hi Simon,

I am sorry for the delay in replying to you since we came back from our break. I  have been especially busy since our rreturn. Archie has has a chest infection for the past week. We had the doctor out to see him in the home on Tuesday. She said that she wanted him to have an x-ray, but didn't prioritise it, so we were still waiting to hear about this, when we got a phone call from the home yesterday morning to say that they had an ambulance there and he was being taken to hospital.

We met him there and were shocked at the change in his appearance since Tuesday. We waited 6 hours with him in A & E until he was admitted with pneumonia and an extensive infection in his lung. I wasn't allowed to visit him last night, as it is a booking system for visiting and limited to one person, for only 45 minutes. I was told that all visiting slots were taken.  I was furious when I dropped up some things for him to find the ward packed with visitors with as many as 3 to some beds and I still was't allowed to see him.

When we phoned up this morning to arrange a visit, we were told that he had had a bad night and was quite unsettled. An hour later we received a phone call from his doctor to go to the hospital. We stayed with him all day and left at 4.30 to give him a chance to sleep, as he hadn't slept at all last night. We got a phone call at 4.50 to go back as he had deteriorated very suddenly again. Sadly, he gave up the fight at 7.30pm. We will miss him.

I hope that you are still coping.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Hi Jolamine, oh no I'm so sorry to hear that. My condolences to you and your family. I did think when you hadn't messaged that I hoped everything was ok. I'm so sorry to hear you went through that. It sounds like you had a nightmare getting in to see him. I can't understand how they let other people in but they couldn't let you in. I think they should have let you in there with the situation. I'm glad you managed to get in to see him although I know that isn't much consolation, he sounds like he was a very strong man and defied expectations many times to keep walking. It can all happen so fast can't it, one minute someone is ok and the next they are deteriorating. Im so sorry for your loss, I hope you are all coping ok. I'm doing ok thank you. I would ask how your break was but I'm sure that's the last thing on your mind right now. You take care Jolamine. X

Simon

Hi Simon,

Making the arrangements has to be the priority at the moment. We all enjoyed our break and I will tell you about this when I can.

I'm glad to hear that you are doing ok and hope to be in touch soon.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Hi Jolamine, off course. I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope you manage to get everything sorted out ok. Thank you, my thoughts are with you. You take care. X

Simon

Hi Simon,

Many thanks. 

Jolamine xx

Hi Simon,

Would you believe that we still haven't held Archie's funeral. There was a delay in getting the death certificate from the hospital, Then we were told that it would take up to 10 days to register it and a further 2-3 weeks to get a funeral slot. We were fotunate in that the funeral director managed to persuade the registrar to  hurry things up a little, but the service won't take place until Wednesday. The delay has been put down to Covid, as the numbers rise here again. This makes a delay of almost a month since he died and, we will be glad to be able to finally lay him to rest.

We enjoyed our break with the family. It was great to see our grandchildren again. Our lodge was right on the edge of the loch and had a 19 mile nature trail around the loch. It was the ideal setting and my granddaughters enjoyed paddle boarding on the loch. It was so peaceful too. There was no wi-fi on site and it was great to get away from technology for a few days.  I have been thinking about you  and wonder how you are coping at the moment?

Regards,

Jolamine xx

Hi Jolamime, I'm so sorry I didn't reply sooner. I didn't get a notification of your message so I thought you hadn't replied. I was thinking then about how you were doing and I saw the message. How have you been. I'm guessing the funeral has taken place. I hope it all went well and Archie is able to rest now. My thoughts are with you.
I'm glad you enjoyed your holiday. It sounds really nice there. I think sometimes it's good to get away from The technology, it is too addictive so you end up on your phone all the time. I don't think we realise how much we rely on it! I bet it was nice walking round the lodge, 19 miles does sound quite big though if you were to do the whole trail! I'm doing ok thank you, pretty much the same. Some up days some bad days, just trying to get by as best as I can. Best wishes.

Simon x

HI Simon,

This must be telepathy! I was just thinking yesterday that I'd need to contact you again, but wondered whether or not you were trying to keep away from the forum for a while. There have been a number of people newly diagnosed who have needed some support and I have been very busy here.

Yes, we got to hold Archie's funeral a month after he died. Sadly, nobody attended from his care home, despite having told us that they would. There were only 4 of us at his funeral, which seemed very strange. However, it was a very fitting service for him and, I'm glad that he is now at peace.

It was great to catch up with my son and his family on our holiday. My hubby and I both had our mobility scooters with us, which were a great help  in covering some of the 19 miles. I agree that it was great to get away from technology for a few days. We certainly do become too embroiled in it at times.

I am glad to hear that you are getting by. You will struggle for quite a while yet, but should gradually come to accept all that has happened. People say that it gets easier with time. I'm not sure that it does. There will always be a void, but you learn to accept it with time. How are your dad and your sister coping? I hope that he is still ok with the carers coming in.

Thinking of you all.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx