Hi Simon,

I have had a chat with the manager of Archie's home and she is pushing for more physio for him, although there has been no sign of this yet. I feel the sooner we can get him moving the better his chances will be of walking again.

I can imagine that your mum' birthday was tough. All anniversaries are hard, but particularly in the first year after losing a loved one. You have done well to get through the day. What a great pity that she never quite made it to her retirement. I am glad to hear that you are getting by without struggling too much. You will naturally have times when something triggers and this will set you off for a while. Unfortunately, this is normal.

How is your dad getting on - has he accepted carers yet? I hope that he has, as this will be so much better for all of you.

Thinking of you.

Jolamine 

Hi Jolamine, ah that's good. Hopeful they can organise some more physio for him. As you said before you don't seem to get anywhere these days without asking. You have to push all the time when you want something done! I hope they do manage to sort it out and he can get back to trying to walk again. 

it was tough although I must admit I tried to not think about it where possible. I ended up being more upset the day after. That's probably because I was trying to control it and I know it will come out one way or another. Yes she was really looking forward to retiring. She was one of those unlucky ones where they moved the retirement age so she missed out. She was looking forward to at least getting a couple of payments for her pension but she never managed to make it. She tried her best though and I think she was amazing to do as well as she did. The cancer was in so many places at the end and she was so strong. She will always be my hero. You are right Jolamine, just writing that set me off, it does come out of the blue. You are fine one minute then the tears start again.

My dad is ok thanks. The carers have started now, he gets 3 visits a day. 30 minutes twice and then 20 minutes at night. At the moment they aren't really doing too much for him but I know there will come a point when they are needed so I'm glad they are there. It's more support for me as if something happens it isn't just relying on me. In the end when they had checked his savings he only has to put a tiny amount of money towards the care so he is happy and it does take a little stress of me. Thank you Jolamine. X

Simon
 

Hi Simon,

We have had another week when we couldn't get in to see Archie, but will get in early next week. It doesn't really matter how well we think we have planned for our futures, as we often find that things are taken out of our hands in the end. I was diagnosed just as I turned 60, but I had intended to retire at 50. When my hubby had to retire at 50 after he had a quadruple by-pass, pneumonia and then a stroke, and got no benefits, I had to become the wage earner, with the result that I am still working at 73.

I am sorry that writing aout how strong your mum was set you off tonight, but, as we said before, this is just how it happens - one minute you are fine and then you are in tears again.

I am glad to hear that your dad has accepted the carers this time. He will probably be happier now that he knows that they won't cost him too much and, this should take some pressure off you as well.

Take care.

Jolamine 

Hi Jolamine, I'm sorry to hear that. Hopefully you do get to see him early next week. You are so right, you don't even think about these things. They just happen and you have to deal with them. I'm so sorry to hear about your situation, that must not be easy for you both. It must be very difficult for you still working now but as you said if you have no choice then you have to do it. I wish you could have retired when you wanted to. I think you are an amazing person to still be working plus supporting your husband and still coming on here and helping others. That is very kind of you and is an example for us all!

No worries at all Jolamine, anything can set me off. You are absolutely fine and then something else triggers it. I think it's just about trying to get through it for now as everything is still so raw. Yeah I definitely think it will help me. It was always money and pride with him. He said he doesn't need them and he wouldn't pay so now it's been proven he can't cope and he doesn't have to pay much so he really has no excuse. I'm sure he could find one if he really wanted but for now it is better that they are coming. You take care Jolamine. X

Simon

Hi Simon,

We have managed to book an appointment to see Archie tomorrow. So far, there has been no sign of the other physio and, he has only seen the one that he has been seeing twice since he was discharged from hospital.

Sorry for the delay in replying. Hubby now has Heart Failure, was diagnosed with Vascular Dementia at Christmas and with Parkinsons last week, so this site can belie a release at times. He wasn't well last week, so I couldn't get much done, but seems to be a bit better now.

I hope that you are doing ok.

Regards,

Jolamine xx

Jolamine 

Hi Jolamine, oh no I'm so sorry to hear that. I imagine it is very difficult for you. My thoughts are with you and your husband. I'm sorry that he isn't well. It sounds like you are having a really hard time. I can understand about the site being a release. We really do need to go somewhere and chat when things are getting on top of us. I imagine there is a lot of stress for you with everything going on. If theres ever anything I can help with just let me know. If you need to chat about anything I'm here. Don't worry at all about replying, you do it when you get chance. Life has to come first, you speak when you can, no worries at all. I'm doing ok thanks Jolamine, just taking it day by day.

I hope you managed to see Archie today and he was doing ok. With a bit of luck you can get him to see his regular physio again. It's so frustrating for you with all this Covid, it is really hard to get anything done. Again I'm so sorry to hear about your husband, my thoughts are with you both. I know it must be really difficult for you but I'm here to talk if you need me. X

Simon

Hi Jolamine, I know there's not a lot I can do but I'm always here if you need any support. It must be very difficult for you. Trying to sell a business at the moment must be a bit of a nightmare. There's so much going on with Covid and other things. I do wish you all the best and hope you can manage to do that at some point, especially if it will make it easy for you to cope. 
Ah that is good news, you said he was very strong and there he goes again proving it. It sounds like he is full of fight and the fact he is walking again on his own so quickly is great news. I'm sure you all feel a lot better knowing that he is getting back to his old self. It must be very satisfying for him and yourself. I am very pleased for you Jolamine, hopefully he continues with his physio and his waking continues to improve. It sounds like he's doing amazing to be walking so quicky after such a small amount of physio! I'm doing ok, thank you Jolamine. I hope you are managing to cope ok with everything, my thoughts are with you all. You take care. X

Simon

Hi Simon,

I am glad to hear that you are doing ok. As cliché as it sounds, your mum still lives on within you and your sister. Remembering the lifelong impact she's had on your lives, gives you something positive to focus on as you grieve. Unfortunately, you can’t bring her back, but she’ll never really leave you. I have always found this knowledge comforting and, it sounds as if you do too. I hope that you and your sister continue to talk about her with happier memories from time to time.

I'm delighted that Archie is back on his feet again, even though his balance is still very precarious - I just hope that he doesn't have another fall to set him back again. We have just had a letter from the home this afternoon informing us that they will allow up to 3 adults to visit residents in their bedrooms from next Monday. We will still have to book an appointment slot in advance and, will need to have a Covid test half an hour before visiting. We will also still have to continue wearing masks and  will only be allowed to visit once a week for up to half an hour, as they still want to limit the number of people in the home at any one time. However, this is much better than just allowing one person in, as they have been doing recently.

Regards,

Jolamine

Hi Jolamine, that is good that Archie is up and about so quickly. Hopefully he manages to get a little steadier on his feet. That's good news that they are letting 3 of you visit at once. It's still not a lot of time as you said but it may help Archie if he knows he will be able to see more people. I suppose they have to take it slowly with everything going on. I know the government says all the rules are off but I don't agree at all. I think people should be just as careful as ever, Just because they want to remove restrictions doesn't mean it's safe again! 
Yes I'm doing ok thanks, I definitely think mum is still here with me. I just keep getting moments where all of a sudden I realise she isn't there and I start to panic. I guess this is just normal, I think my head still won't let me believe she isn't coming back. I try not to think about it too much, once I start thinking that's when I usually get more and more upset. I hope you are doing ok Jolamine. X

Simon