Hi,my mum was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer just over 18months ago, she also has it in her lymph nodes and rib,she has had immunotherapy and radiation therapy,she seemed to pic up a little bit,but now she is in a lot of pain and lost loads of weight, last few days she has spent most of it in bed, she in 40 mg morphine twice a day plus the liquid when needed, the consultant said he is considering cemo but thinks the side effects would be too much, can anyone tell me if this could be the end or could she pic up again,im at a loss as to what to expect 

Hi Jolamine, yes I know at the moment I think I need to fill my head with things but I know that's not always possible. I keep saying to my dad we are not grieving yet. We are just going through the motions and it will really start once everything settles down and th me funeral is over. I do hope to help in some way, whenever I am able to. I know my mum would want me to do it but I also know she understands I will need time to get over her not being here.

Days really are up and down. Some times you feel ok and others you are breaking down thinking you can't do it. I know there's nothing you can do and you just have to go with it. I am spending a lot of time just trying to keep everything going at home. My sister is helping with the cleaning so that's one less thing for me to worry too much about.

I'm so sorry to hear that. It must have been so frustrating to not know what was going on apart from it was spreading and there's nothing you can do. We are very lucky in comparison. There's a lot of support out there if you look for it. I'm sorry your mum want able to have any of the treatments that we have now.

You are a very big help Jolamine, believe me. I am eternally grateful that I found you here. Sometimes you just need someone to help you when you feel out of control and you did that for me and you still are doing it. A lot of time's you aren't sure if what you are feeling is normal but it's reassuring when someone says it's ok and it's normal to feel like this.

Thank you Jolamine, I am just taking it day by day at the moment. I know there's not much else I can do at the moment. I have to just go with it and do the best I can. Thank you again.

Simon

Hi Simon,

Your feelings will change from one minute to the next. This is normal, so don't worry about it. How are you managing to cope at home? I am glad to hear that your sister is helping out with the cleaning, but will she be able to continue doing this, or do you need to make other plans long-term?

How is your dad coping with all that is going on?

I'm here for you anytime.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Hi Loo,

A very warm welcome to our forum.

I am so sorry to hear about your mum. Unfortunately, it is impossible to say how close she is to the end. You will usually find that people stop eating and drinking towards the end and tend to sleep most of the time. It is heart breaking to watch a loved one slowly deteriorate and to feel powerless to help. Do you have carers or nurses coming in to help out with your mum's care? 

If your mum is in a lot of pain still, please mention this to her nurse, as this should be controlled. Her nurse should also be able to give you some indication of how close the end is. We talk about cancer as a rollercoaster, because we can be down one minute and pick up the next.

There have been many cases where people have failed dramatically, but still manage to hang on for quite some time. Chemo can take a lot out of someone and would probably only extend her life for a short while. If she is too frail and her consultant feels that this would be too much for her, he is probably right. We all want to hold on to our loved ones for as long as possible, but sometimes extending a life with no quality, is only prolonging the agony.

Please keep in touch and let us know how you are getting on. We are always here for you.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Hi Loo1512, I'm sorry to hear that. I can't really help on what could happen next. I know Jolamine will be able to help you more. From my experience with my mum once you are too weak for treatment it usually means that there isn't too much more they can do. I know everybody is different though. Try and savour every moment you can with your mum. All the time you can spend together is special. My thoughts are with you and your mum. X

Simon 

Hi Simon,

I hope that you've been feeling a little better these last 2 days. Finding your feelings varying from one hour to the next is to be expected at this stage.

You are right about your dad. He will probably eventually come to realise that he cannot manage on his own, although it sounds as if he might be stubborn enough not to confess to this for a while after he knows that he should accept any help offered. Taking on the cleaning etc, is a lot for your sister to take on permanently, on top ofher other commitments. Just make sure that she is not taking on too much.

Thinking of you all.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Hi Simon,

I'm just wondering how you've been coping these past few days. Hoping that you're ok.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Hi Jolamine, sorry I didn't reply to your last post. I'm doing ok thanks. It's been very strange. We have been sorting bits out for the funeral. I find that I'm still in a bit of a daze and it doesn't feel real. When I do get upset it's a little different now, I'm crying more because I'm missing her rather than over what was happening. It does feel different to before but a lot more painful. It's only been 2 weeks and 4 days since she passed and it feels like ages ago. I have managed to get most bits ready for the funeral now. There has been a lot to sort out and me and my sister have managed to do most of it. I didn't realise how much you do have to sort out, it's really not easy especially when you are feeling stressed out with every thing already. I am struggling concentrating on anything but I guess that's normal. Thank you so much for your message and thinking of me Jolamine. I'm doing ok at the moment. I just need to try and get through Wednesday now. I'm not looking forward to it but I know I will get through it for my mum. X

Simon 

Hi Simon,

 I have been busy with a relative who was admitted to hospital on Thursday. Don't worry in the slightest about not replying. I just wanted to make sure that you were ok. I'm glad to hear that you have everything in place for the funeral now and that, between you, you and your sister have managed to sort a lot of things out. There is always a lot to do after someone dies, but I wonder if this is nature's way of keeping us occupied at such an upsetting time. It is a strange feeling when you are going through the motions, yet nothing feels real.

Wednesday is drawing closer now and, although you are not looking forward to it, I am sure that you will do your mum proud.

Thinking of you all and wishing you the strength to get through it.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx