I don't usually use forums but I feel if I write down how I feel it might help....
My younger brother who is only 44 was diagnosed 2 days ago with aggressive lung and liver cancer, unbeknown to everyone he had originally been diagnosed in December 2020, he lives alone and 2 hours away from us so he chose not to worry my parents who are in their 70s and myself by not telling us he had cancer and was undergoing chemotherapy alone thinking it would cure it and nobody would be any the wiser but in march he had severe stomach pains and eventually was admitted to hospital where they found it had spread to the liver and was terminal. He has weeks left now and he is in so much pain and my heart is breaking as I type this the tears are flooding I can't sleep can't stop crying I can't bear the thought of him alone and in pain in hospital as we are restricted in seeing him due to covid and I feel like I'm losing my mind I can't concentrate on anything. I feel like its a bad dream
