Hello , I'm new here and just needed somewhere to express the sadness and hurt I'm feeling. 
My mum was treated for lung cancer a year and half ago - by removing a large part of her lung . It was a big operation and took a long recovery to get somewhat back to herself again , however it was a success and a big relief for us all. Her mother died of lung cancer at a similar age so the original diagnosis seemed like an instant death sentence. So to have had the cancer removed successfully, without chemo or radiation  - Was just amazing news . 

However , mum started to get ill again and was due to have her chest re scanned to check anyway to check the cancer had not come back . Unfortunately they found it had developed in the lymph node in her chest. She was put on an intense course of radiation/chemo and this was with intent to cure . It made her so very poorly and weak . She became even more bed bound, and with COVID restrictions I had been unable to see her or support her . Its just her and dad . 

She had another scan recently and the follow up from that was good news , they had shrunk it enough and we're just going to monitor her over the coming months. 
 A sigh of relief again for us as a family ! Although she is still weak and unwell and not herself

Fast forward a couple more weeks and she has a big fall, as she explain her legs gave way . It happened a couple of times and she did a lot of damage to her back and hip (she has osteoporosis) so much so she is now unable to stand up or do anything for herself.  Taken into hospital and scans on her brain show lesions which is what's causing her unsteadyness. 
 

It's clear she has lost her battle, she is 58. I am 30 with a new baby and I'm just so devastated for her and me and my family . I'm currently waiting for the prognosis of this , but we already know it's not good. The idea of being given a time frame of life when so much has already been spent fighting already, I just feel so sad. I have missed being able to be there for her , and even now I can't be and it's so painful . We had so many plans to do the things she loved "once she wins her battle again " I just can't imagine her being gone. 
 

I'm in shock , we all are . I wish I could take her pain away . 

Any advice on dealing with such news ? And in a situation where I can't physically be there for her :( I'm already grieving and she's not gone yet . I think I'm grieving the loss of the independent strong mum I've known and the loss of memories we can no longer make.