Hi Eagleb

I am so sorry to hear about your mum's news, the love you have for her really shows through your message. I completely understand that added covid restrictions and not being able to be there for her adds another level of devastation to this already horrible, horrible time.

My mum was given a few days to live, and I already started grieving her whilst she was here with me, but the couple of pieces of advice I would give you are please wait for the prognosis from the consultants, otherwise your mind takes you to really dark places and this won't help you as everyones case is so, so different. There could well be other things to try but until you actually speak to them,  you don't know for sure. 

The second part is that try to make the most of the time you have with your beautiful mum. My mum was taken into a hospice a few days ago, we all had a covid test and we have been able to spend those moments with her, managed to say everything we have to say to her and it brings very little positive news to what we will face without her being here, but at least we are able to do that. 

I wish you lots of strength waiting for the full prognosis, and I genuinely hope they are able to help your mum. Take care of yourself XX

I'm so sorry to hear about the most recent update, it's so hard to hear. Hopefully with the update tomorrow they can give some positive news to you and your family.

Your mum sounds like a fighter, so even though she's unwell, people have an unexpected way of rallieying themselves when they still have things to live for. I'm sure your mum cannot wait until she's allowed to be with you again. 

Keepinf everything I have crossed for your mum's update tomorrow, let me know how you get on.

Sending so much love to you xx

Thank you [@kate2021]‍ for your kind reply. I have spoken to my dad and it looks like she will need a hospital bed at home and lots of adjustments being made at home ready for her to be discharged hopefully by the weekend. 

I have started receiving messages from close family and friends, with the love and sorrys. It makes it a lot more daunting all of a sudden. 
 

I find it very helpful to have come across this forum. It seems to be a common thing to have the sadness come in waves. One minute I'm positive and the next I'm a nervous wreck , I feel a sense of panic that I can only describe as being a child and losing your mum in a crowd or supermarket. Except now I'm an adult and the fear is so much worse. Times in life when I'm sad or worried I always have my mum to speak to except now I can't burden her with all this emotion. 

Hopefully they can have some suggestion tomorrow to help her - without too much side effects. It's a hard one. I don't want her to waste any time she has feeling more rough. 

Thanks again for reading and replying. It's nice to be able to just type away sometimes. 
xx
 

A tip for you with equipment at home, make sure that your dad asks the occupational therapist who is issuing it, to run through everything before her discharge. My mum was unfortunately In a similar position and my dad was left a little overwhelmed of what to use, when etc. A good OT should do this anyway!

I agree it is nice to chat to people here, it feels like you're in a group that understand what you're going through, which unless you have experienced it, it can sometimes be hard to offer support.

I really hope the consultants have some good suggestions too. Take care of yourself too, I know the appointment waiting can feel a bit overwhelming with all the emotions running everywhere xxx

Thank you for your advice - everything has been arranged for her discharge (which is now today). She has had everything put in place by the OT, including a hospital bed. 
 

The lastest is that it's just about her end of life care now they don't want to put her through radiotherapy, and I think the selfish part of me is slightly angry about it but as I'm coming to terms with things I am more concerned with her quality of life now and I agree it's in her interest. 

She is in good spirits , I have got her a photo memory blanket made (got the idea from these forums) and I don't want her days to be filled with seeing us sad . We do not know how many days /weeks/months we have , so every day is a blessing. 
 

Id do anything to go back and have one more holiday with her to our favourite place . I am so grateful I have many videos and photos as memories.

xx

I'm happy to hear your mum is being discharged today, I hope you manage to spend some quality time with her v.soon! 

You sound very brave, and she will be so, so proud of you for that. I think the last thing my mum wanted to see was us crying around her, she wanted to enjoy every precious moment we had together. ️

If you need to chat about anything, I'm here, anytime xxx

It's the worst pain isnt it. It almost doesn't feel real. It's actually 12 years this year I lost my mum to small cell lung cancer. She beat breast cancer , only for the lung cancer took her life. I'm actually back in the night mare , this time it's my big sister, she had breast cancer , it spread too her brain. She has many tumours and nothing can be done.  She has a hospital bed at home and is receiving hospice palliative care. She was the most positive person I know up until a few weeks ago. Until they said theres nothing can be done. She has 3 kids has a baby granddaughter.  It's so sad. And too everyone who's going through similar stories , lots of hugs to you all. Just take a day at a time. Sometimes just an hour at a time