I'm so sorry to hear about your lovely mum, I know how you feel, it's absolutely heartbreaking to watch. 

I think grief is a very bizarre thing, everyone goes through it very differently. I am unfortunately in a very similar position to you, where my mum has days, if not hours left with us. My dad is very emotional, but also getting very angry with everything, my brother is pretending everything is fine and in a couple of weeks we will all just remember mum for what an amazing person she was and go back to normal, and I am a complete mess, struggling to eat or drink and just absolutely exhausted. None of these ways is right, none of them are wrong either though. 

I think times like this are so tough for everyone, and I think to some extent it's easier said than done, but just try to stop any arguments as you see them about to start as you need your energy for being with your mim. Whatever your views on your dad, he obviously has been with your lovely mum for a long time, and have two childr nbtogether. He is more than likely absolutely heartbroken but also anxious about the new chapter in his life going forward with her not there.

I hope this helps in some way. Wishing you so much strength for the next few days and months. If you want to chat let me know x

Thank you newlife101 ️ 
 

now my lovely mum has passed the world is very alien, everything is very wrong.

I hope you enjoy your mum for as long as you can ️ I would give anything for another day with mine. The best advice I have had is to not try to be the same person as before, this will change you. My heart really goes out to you. Make sure you take time for you too, I'm sure your mum would want that ️ 

I am so so so sorry to hear your news about your mum. I'm sending you so much love and strength for the coming times ahead. Your mum would want you to continue and be happy, even though I know the word happy seems unbelievably alien right now.

Take care of yourself, if you ever want to chat. I'm here xx

Thank you newlife101, you brought me comfort with this ️ I'm struggling to speak to even my closest friends, I didn't through mums illness so it seems too much to go through again. My sister is my tower of strength and I hope to be hers ️ I will take you up on that chat in the future I'm sure xx

Newlife101 I've seen your heartbreaking news on another thread; I'm so incredibly sorry. Please reach out to me  if you need a chat/rant/cry/scream. You have been so incredibly strong, please be kind to yourself. It's so important to be kind to yourself, you've been through the worst time. Thinking about you xx

Newlife101 I've seen your heartbreaking news on another thread; I'm so incredibly sorry. Please reach out to me  if you need a chat/rant/cry/scream. You have been so incredibly strong, please be kind to yourself. It's so important to be kind to yourself, you've been through the worst time. Thinking about you xx

[@Discopig]‍ thank you so much ️ 

The past few days, seeing my mum how she was, was heartbreaking. She wasn't my mum anymore. When she passed away, we were all with her. I felt sorrow for myself as I'll never get to hug her, but relief for her. She was ready to go, and she told me that, actually several times. 

I'm just so thankful she was with us, we managed to speak to her and tell her how much we loved each other and care for her. I'd feel so differently if she had still been in hospital. She wasn't being cared for properly there because they simply didn't have capacity for end of life care given everything going on.

How are you doing today? XX

Ah same with us, mum wanted to be at home and although the hospital staff were wonderful it was an honour to help make her wish happen ️ I'm in a slightly different situation; my mum had the realisation of her prognosis a few days before she passed and she was anxious and scared. She wasn't ready to go and my sister and I weren't either. At the time I was feeling selfish and I couldn't bring myself to say the recommended words when giving permission for a loved one to leave. Some people think loved ones hang on due to unfinished business and not wanting to leave loved ones, fearful for their future. I promised my mum I would look after my sister, the one who my mum particularly worried about being a single mum and a penchant for *** boyfriends bless her. Sometimes I think it's harder for her because she was so close to mum and they had such a different relationship than I. I will keep my promise ️ Busying myself thinking of lovely people to parade in front of her when lockdown ends ️

it sounds like you have a very healthy outlook newlife101 ️ How are you doing right now? Thinking about you xx

i think the selfish part is absolutely normal, you just want that few extra minutes, hours, or day.. then it feels so, so final.

you sound like a wonderful sister, and your mum will be very, very proud of you. 

i am not sure about you, but i just feel so up and down and a bit all over the place? everytime the phone rings at the moment, i get this feeling of absolute dread because i know it will be someone who has heard about mum passing, then i have to repeat the same story which still feels so very, very raw at the moment, you know? my mums diagnosis was just a bit of a mess from the hospitals part, and i just keep thinking about that today, thinking maybe if they had been a bit quicker we may have saved her, i know this is not true though. i think any chance of feeling numb and out of what is the current normality at the moment, im loving because it means im not having to think about not having my mum around anymore! i also am finding it a little tough as so many people when they hear, just dont know what to say, and others go as far as to actively avoid you becsuse of that. not sure if you have found that? 

i hope youre doing as well as you can be right now XXX

Yes I feel the same, never know what mood you will be in from one moment to the next. There's plenty of 'what ifs' coming in too. I'm a geek and have been googling grief stages, that's the bargaining stage talking. I found myself begging for a time machine the night before last. I would love to go to bed and wake up when the pain has lessened. Everything I have read says you have to feel everything, blocking won't last long. It's the process. 
 

If you don't want to answer the phone you shouldn't, I have ignored all calls since mum passed, only answering to my sister and dad. Be kind to yourself and that means not doing anything you don't want to/aren't ready for. Text/WhatsApp have been useful to message people back explaining I can't talk at the moment. I've also found chatting by text to the most unlikely of people, people who didn't know my mum but who had lost parents and offered the hope of 'you will never stop missing her, but you learn to live with it still feeling a heart full of love but with more happiness than sadness' ️ I've not been ignored in person yet but I'm sure it will happen, my best friend has been notably absent but then I cut her out early on not wanting to have to go through it again and again . She loved mum so she will also be very sad. I really hope that your grief journey is as kind as possible xxx

I completely agree with the feeling of wanting to go to bed and hope the pain has lessened, but it feels like everytime I wake up at the moment it is becoming more and more real. I guess that's part of it really isn't it. 

Likewise for you, I hope you find light at the end of the tunnel sooner rather than later ️

xxx