My mum is in the last days, I feel so unable to cope

Hi everyone

It's my first time here posting but I've read so many threads and hoping that people have some advice.

My mum has had a very short time between diagnosis and the time we were all told she has a few days to live.

She is really now becoming so unwell. She's in a hospice with days to live. I'm trying so, so hard to be grateful that I had this time with her, but I am also completely heartbroken. She's being so, so brave. And told me and my brother we are going to have to continue our lives, at the moment I can't see how I will do that. 

One moment, I feel positive and am thankful for the time that we had with her, she dedicated her whole life to raising me and my brother and for that I will be forever grateful but then at other times I'm struggling to breathe. It feels like a really bad dream that I'm desperatly trying to wake myself up from.

Seeing her in her hospital bed yesterday with us all around her with days to live at 55 feels unfair, and I'm utterly in dispair of the next coming months.

Does anyone have any tips on how to cope with this? I don't know if I'll be able to carry on. I feel angry becaise I don't feel people understand. My friends that I have told are trying to help, but whatever they say is just not enough right now. Is this normal?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  • Thank you so much KTGem, I appreciate it so much. Sending strength to you too at this difficult time xxx

  • Arms around you ............my daughter and son will have to go,through this too and I'm in my early fifties . I'm not there yet but reading your posts makes me wonder how they will cope......do let me know if you find anything that helps you,supports you so I can advise my kids. It's soooooooo hard, the hardest thing you will ever do but you will be amazed how strong your soul is . Don't be afraid to crumble and be vulnerable...... you will rise again and so much stronger than before. How beautiful to love so much.... be kind to yourself xx

  • What a beautiful person you are [@mummawoodsy]‍ 

    My mum sadly passed away last night and seeing her how she was honestly broke my heart, and shattered it into a thousand pieces. You children will be so so proud of you for seeking advice for them. What a kind mum. You should be so proud of yourself. My mum has constantly said she wants me to continue with my life, so I owe it to her to continue and make her proud. I just know that I will miss her voice so much, and her telling me to brush my hair because it looks a mess. Just small things I've always taken for granted.

    I genuinely wish you so so much love and luck on your journey. Are you going through treatment at the moment? You're a beautiful human for asking for advice for your children, j know I'm repeating myself but it's really touched me

     

     

  • Hi how are you? How is your mum doing? Thinking of you x

  • I am so sorry that your mum has passed and so young. Can't stop thinking about you. Sending you and your siblings a big hug. Life is so unfair and cruel. I feel for you so much hun x

  • [@happydays29]‍ 

    So sorry, I completely missed your message before! Thank you so much. 

    It's all been very sudden, and Im struggling to get my head around it all at the moment to be honest with you. half of me is just relieved she's not in pain, the other is just in an unbelievable amount of pain myself as I know I will never speak to her again. I am struggling to see how there will be a light at the end of the tunnel at the end of this, I'm told there will be though.

    How are you feeling? How is your treatment coming along? You're a very a kind lady to support people even though you're undergoing treatment yourself. Lots of love to you xxx

  • Hi hun I am so so sorry about your loss. Losing your mum is the most distressing grief you can imagine isn't it? There are no words to describe how it feels. I still miss my mum after 4 years! I think you have a period of disbelief and shock at first as it doesn't seem real does it? It is good that your mum isn't suffering anymore but I imagine it's no consolation at the moment. 
    I'm ok and trying to stay positive,waiting for a suitable clinical trial to try and control the secondary cancer. Makes me angry that this cancer takes control and destroys life's. Not just those of the cancer patient but all the family suffer too. Sending you lots of love and thinking of you at this heartbreaking time xxxx