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Bowel cancer and now Too weak for chemo

G247
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My dad was diagnosed with bowel cancer in December 2020. We were told that it was completely curable and an operation was booked for 30th December. During the operation they found that the tumour was too big and that they needed to then do chemo. 

Chemo was supposed to start 4th February, the day prior they then stated that my dad was too weak for it. They said that it would be more detrimental to him. They have now said that the tumour has grown (still contained within the bowel) but they have said that he now only has weeks to live. 

We just feel so hopeless, it's all a shock. How has it got to this, how can my dad now only have weeks to live? How is there nothing that can be done?

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     I have Been in the same kind of places you it's not a very nice feeling I know you feel helpless and thinking 2021 there is no medicine that can help! I lost my wife to breast cancer 22nd of December last year she was 39 and I was the same thinking this is it we just going to let her go unfortunately that's exactly what happened we got to say our goodbyes and she died in her sleep which was nice but how can I say nice my wife has just died! I guess spend as much time as you can and you never know you may get a miracle  i'm here if you want to chat

  • Offline in reply to Chris2020

    I just keep thinking about how I am going to cope without him, I have a 15month old little girl and she really was his world and he hers. It breaks my heart . 

    I am so sorry to hear about your wife, that is such a young age. It's lovely that you got to say your goodbyes and how much you love one another. 

    I feel exactly the same, how can you just let them go? I've looked into every possible fad way to try and save him. 

    He's already getting weaker and wanting to sleep more which scares me. I'm here to talk too whenever you want. X

  • Offline in reply to G247

     I was Exactly the same at one point I was even thinking about getting a second opinion there is a specialist cancer hospital in London which is 60 miles away from us we live in Southampton I guess I was hoping Money could save her maybe it has to be worth a try! Then I look at her lying on the bed don't think she's probably die in a private ambulance getting up there and to be honest the NHS did an amazing job just not the outcome you can never prepare yourself for! I bet your dad and loves playing with your little girl where are you living together or are you just close I know my mum and dad love playing with my little boy Jack who is two. Most importantly how is your dad? I think I sent the message to someone else the first time or maybe one of your previous posts sorry

  • Offline in reply to Chris2020

    That's the thing we would do anything to save them. But like you said it's when you look at them and think who am I doing this for. I'm glad you had such a good experience with the NHS, sadly we don't. We haven't always been told the truth and there have definitely been delays which have not helped or prepared us. He absolutely loves playing with her, the twinkle in his eye as soon as he sees her breaks me. It just saddens me that now he wants to sleep more.

    We live a mile up the road from him and spend all day everyday there with him and have done since we were told two weeks ago. Ahrr do they ️ it must be so hard for you with little ones too, my heart really does go out to you.

    He is ok thank you, for the past two weeks we didn't believe the doctor's he had came out of hospital perkier than ever, eating and drinking fine, still weak and in bed but fine. My dad took to his bed very early on, once they said they had found something it's like he allowed himself to be I'll, prior to that he was working and walking god knows how many miles each day. He is now wanting to sleep more, his appetite has decreased and his fluid intake isn't great. We keep pushing him to drink. It's just so horrible to see him like this. We know he has no life but I still don't want him to go. The pain of never seeing him again. 

  • Offline in reply to G247

    I understand what you're saying about the NHS with they said that it was curable in December 2 months on things have gone downhill very fast must be very hard for you to!! I understand what you're saying about the sparkle in your dad's eyes when he sees the little ones my wife always had that when she was with the children and it breaks my heart knowing that we're never going to get that again knowing that she's watching you from heaven helps but it's not the same we all love mummy so much

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    Hi 

    I just wanted to say I'm sorry about your dad.

    I am in a very similar situation with my mum. 2 weeks ago we were told she had "weeks not months".

    She went in on 19th February with an infection. The next day she was diagnosed with agressive bowel cancer.

    It is such a huge shock isn't it. And covid restrictions do not help. So many people would like to visit her. 

    How is Ur dad in himself at the moment?  I hope u are able to enjoy Ur precious time left. 

    I can't seem to process it. I almost don't believe it. I'm terrified of the weeks ahead.

    Everyday I wake up and know it's a day closer to losing mum. 

  • Offline in reply to Lmmrose

    Hey, thank you for your message. I am so sorry to hear about your mom, I can relate in every single way. I can't imagine what a shock that was. How old is your mom?!

    My dad sadly passed away on 9th March I am beyond devestated and miss him more than anything. I would say we had a good two weeks of dad being himself, then he started to sleep more and then obviously the last two days he was unconscious. It was my moms birthday on the 8th march too but he held on. 

    Honestly enjoy every minute with your mom, I didn't believe it was real, lived in denial right up until the point he passed away and part of me still doesn't believe it is true now, yet we are planning his funeral. 

    I used to wake in panic everymorning thinking this cannot be real. I am here if you need or want someone to talk too xxxx

  • Offline in reply to G247

    I'm am so sorry to hear about Ur dad. 

    Mum turns 60 a week today.

    Such an incredible sad time x

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