Hi there ... oh my ... my heart goes out to you ... I think there's no pain greater then loosing a child .. they are our babies no matter their age ... what a sad situation .. one that covid is making far far worse ..

I've just lost a granddaughter to acute myeloid leukaemia a couple of months ago ... it's like no other pain I've ever known ... she was 18 ... my daughter in law was with her every step of the way ... although she has two little ones to care for, her heart broke the day we lost Jess... 

Can you write to his girlfriend ... explain how your heart is braking .. but if I were you, I'd compromise and maybe ask for one day a week to stay over ... so your not asking for more then she's willing to give ... maybe looking after him is taking it's toll out on her, and she is finding it hard dealing with your pain to .. if you step out and see it from her point of view ... maybe to understand where's she's comming from, she maybe able to see it from your side .. 

But your going to need all your strength now .. you saw him into the world ... helped him walk and talk .. took him to school .. and watched him turn from a boy to a man ... now you have to find that strength to hold his hand one last time ... without showing every emotion ... even though I guess you could just scream, want to hold him every single minute and never let go ...  you can let it all out when you get home .. but for him you need to find that strength from somewhere ... then I think they will let you in a bit more .. but try to let them lead the way .. where to be ... home or a hospice, let them choose .. and if you tell her, any thing you can do, you'll be there for her as well as your son .. try to build a bridge ... 

I'm so so sorry .... life, cancer and covid are crule right now ... I know ... sending you a vertual hug... as one mum to another ...  Chrissie x

Thank you Chrissie 

You've made a good point that maybe I should ask for one night. So she isn't worried that if I stay over I am then expecting to stay permanently.  My son says he is happy for me to stay but without her invitation I feel uncomfortable and I don't want to cause a rift between us. 
 

It's so sad that I've lost that god given right to be with him all the time. As you say it doesn't matter what age they are , they are still your babies.

xxxxxx

I know ... my son's been diabetic from 14 ... and I nearly lost him twice to hypos ... but now he has a wonderful caring wife ... and although he'll always be my baby ,  I had to let him go to .. I still go up and am a part of their lives ... but in caring how she feels .. and understanding I'm now "the mother in law" which is always hard ... but I hope in compromising and trying to see things from her side , we have become friends .. I had to hand over his care to her .. while still letting them know I'm there when needed.

So it can be done ... l still want to be the one caring all the time ... but the old saying is true ... a daughter is a daughter all her life.... but a son is a son till he takes a wife ... or partner now ... fingers crossed you can build bridges ... you will be pleased you did ... remember they may have  cut the cord when our kids are born ... but there's an invisible cord no one can see but is there always ... 

If you do this with gentle honesty ... you may both help each other through ... my daughter in law helped me through my cancer journey... I'm thinking maybe because I never pushed ... just stood back and held both their hands ... this is gonna be the hardest thing you'll ever do .. but hold on in there ... you can do this ... Chrissie x