Cancer Research UK main site

My mum has stage 4 cancer and I’m so heartbroken

1256
Offline

I wished I had someone to talk to about this because it hurts so much I'm trying to be normal but soon my mum who I love with all my heart who I spend everyday with won't be here she's my best friend the only person who I can open up to about how I'm really feeling but now I can't tell her because I have to be strong when really I wonna die with her so she ain't alone but I have kids and I have to be here for my boys I don't cry around my kids they know there nan is sick and lost all her hair and that she sleeps a lot but they don't ask anything only my teenage son who knows and is hurting and won't go and see my mum much because all he does is cry's and he said I can't see nanny like that but I try and tell him to come with me it's so hard because not only will I lose my mum but there losing there nan who they love more then me my mums the best there is and she's sick and there's nothing anyone can do to help I hate cancer why my mum she's a good person the most lovely lady you could ever meet gentle not a bad bone in her body I just don't understand why it's so not fair I'm crying writing this and it's late I could go on forever letting my feeling out cause no one knows me or looking at me just reading what I'm writing and it's so hard to talk about it as all my family are breaking and none of us talk about how sad we all are we are all going on like it's not really happening it's heartbreaking to watch my little brother hurting I just wonna wrap them up and protect them like my mum does when she was not sick I'm trying to keep it together for her making her laugh and smile but as soon as I leave and it turns to dark and my kids are asleep I'm a mess I need my mum she's my world and my kids thank you for this site I need to get things off my chest good night I'll pray for everyone's family who is gonna though cancer it's so cruel 

  • Offline

    Hi- Im so sorry for what you are going through just now. Its so hard to be strong in the face of losing your closest person. I think its ok to let your boys see that you cry-in fact it might help and allow you have the 'conversation' with them - that their nan will not get better.  if you can share your sadness with your boys it may help them open up and cope with their own feelings just  now and later on. 

     

    I hope you can get a good sleep - that can make all the difference to how well we cope.

    You're in my prayers as is your mum and your boys. God Bless.

  • Offline

    Hi there ...

    So so sorry your going through this heartbraking time at the moment.... loosing a parent to me is the second hardest thing we do in life ... and when I lost my my mum, I was just 36 with two sons , then 8 and 16 ... she was in our lives every day .. and my boys adored her ... 

    She went suddenly from a heart attack and I had no chance to even tell her I was so proud to be her daughter... yes our lives were never the same and we had to find a new normal ... but you know I think we were all so close, it was like I felt her presents by me .. and like your mum she was amazing and kind to every one ... so to help me cope thought what she'd say to me  ... and I know she'd want to see me sad for a short while but then to show my boys the same love she did .. she taught me to think of others .. she was always making us laugh .. so I knew she'd want us to remember her and laugh and wrap her up in our hearts and take her along with us ... 

    So that's what we did .. honour what she taught us ... my boys still talk about her and post photo as of her on their face book.... even now 30 years later ... trust me there's been times she's let me know she's still looking down ... now I'm on my cancer journey.... and I may have to leave those I love ... and I talk to my granddaughter and told her if I do go, I'll be the little star next to the brightest one that's my mum .. to look down every night ... and she can look up and see me ...

    Cancer wants you to cry and think of your mum with cancer .. then cancer can claim lots of victims ... don't let it ... you know this journey is about sharing feelings .. admitting your all scared , holding each other's hands .. I think our kids need gentle honesty ... answering questions honestly and simply ... they need you now to show them the way through ... helping each other ... as hard as it is ... loosing a parent is the way the circle of life goes ... even though we want them forever ... 

    We do slowly get used to them not being around but we never stop missing them ... sending you a vertual hug.... hold on in there ... and know those feelings are normal .. it's o.k to feel angry or cry ... but showing your boys it's o.k for you to cry, it will give them permission to cry or be angry too .. or to just talk and listen to each other .. just take each day as it comes .. and get through that one day ... your not alone ... chrissie xx

  • Offline

    Hi, 

    I completely understand your frustration and lain at this difficult time. My mum was diagnosed with lung cancer 8 months ago and after removing her lung, numerous stays in hospital completely alone (she has spent the last 6 out of 7 weeks in hospital alone, with no visitors due to covid), she's currently dying in the next room. She was told she was cancer free 3 months ago and the next thing we know, it's spread to her bone and it's so painful for her. She came out of hospital 4 days ago and deteriorated so rapidly, we can't catch up. She has hours left. She's spent four days in agony, screaming out, writhing in pain, begging for me to kill her and it's left me broken. We have only just got on top of the pain but too little, too late.  
    my family were in complete denial until a few hours ago. I just keep telling them and promising my mum that we will look after each other and I hope this has given her (and then) some comfort. 
    I'm so sorry you feel like you are losing your best friend- I feel the same. All I know is you will be there for those around you and they will be there for you. It will get easier, or so I've heard. 

  • Offline

    I'm so sorry to hear this. I'm in the same situation and I can feel your pain. I wish we could change what's happening and I wish life wasn't so unfair. I don't know what to say to make things better other than you're not alone, if that is any comfort what's so ever. Xx

  • Offline

    Hi I am feeling the same way as you . I also have two boys .just spent a while in the bathroom crying my eyes out as I have been so strong for my mum for so long .shes such a strong lady her mind seems to be going a little or it's her medication. My dad can't cope with her he's so down he doesn't like seeing her like this ,the pain hurts too much .

Speak to a nurse

Quick links

Follow us

Registered with Fundraising Regulator (logo)
Cancer Research UK is a registered charity in England and Wales (1089464), Scotland (SC041666), the Isle of Man (1103) and Jersey (247). A company limited by guarantee. Registered company in England and Wales (4325234) and the Isle of Man (5713F). Registered address: 2 Redman Place, London, E20 1JQ.