I wished I had someone to talk to about this because it hurts so much I'm trying to be normal but soon my mum who I love with all my heart who I spend everyday with won't be here she's my best friend the only person who I can open up to about how I'm really feeling but now I can't tell her because I have to be strong when really I wonna die with her so she ain't alone but I have kids and I have to be here for my boys I don't cry around my kids they know there nan is sick and lost all her hair and that she sleeps a lot but they don't ask anything only my teenage son who knows and is hurting and won't go and see my mum much because all he does is cry's and he said I can't see nanny like that but I try and tell him to come with me it's so hard because not only will I lose my mum but there losing there nan who they love more then me my mums the best there is and she's sick and there's nothing anyone can do to help I hate cancer why my mum she's a good person the most lovely lady you could ever meet gentle not a bad bone in her body I just don't understand why it's so not fair I'm crying writing this and it's late I could go on forever letting my feeling out cause no one knows me or looking at me just reading what I'm writing and it's so hard to talk about it as all my family are breaking and none of us talk about how sad we all are we are all going on like it's not really happening it's heartbreaking to watch my little brother hurting I just wonna wrap them up and protect them like my mum does when she was not sick I'm trying to keep it together for her making her laugh and smile but as soon as I leave and it turns to dark and my kids are asleep I'm a mess I need my mum she's my world and my kids thank you for this site I need to get things off my chest good night I'll pray for everyone's family who is gonna though cancer it's so cruel
