Hello ,

ive decided to post on here as I came across it as I was typing questions into google about my mums cancer . It's a long story so I'll try to break it down . She had ovarian cancer in 2006, full hysterectomy given all clear by 2011. Fast forward to 2019 started with abdominal pain , nausea and general feeling of being unwell . Sent for ct scan in October , abdominal area was clear but they picked up a shadow on the bottom of her lung . So she was sent back for another ct but it's time on her chest . Sure enough 3 abnormalities . After lots of more tests , Pet scans , biopsies . Is diagnosed officially 22nd November with lung cancer . I was with her when they told her , it was a strange moment , everything kind of went quiet and I felt this strange pressure in the back of my head like I was going to scream out . But I managed to compose myself and hold mums hand , wipe her tears , be positive while they explained it was curative . She could have surgery on two and chemo for the tumor left . Fast forward to now , yesterday in fact . Were told over the phone as she's 72, and shielding because of her cancer / age that the remaining tumour can't be cured . She can have chemo if she chooses to to give her a couple more years . Turns out it was ovarian that decide to come back after  all these years . What a B*****D! Sorry for the language . I'm heartbroken for her as she's been through so much over the last few months , tests , surgery , complications ( a blood clot ) in  & out of hospital and all for nothing it feels . She thought she was going through all of those things to cure it . But no , here we are . I'm very raw at the moment I'm a mixture of heartbroken and angry . She's always been an amazing mother to me , a strong role model who brought me and my sister up on her own after leaving our abusive dad . She's been through a lot in her life but has still managed to have love in her heart and be a caring , amazing mother and grandmother to my 4 children . This has hit them hard my eldest is 16 & my youngest 7. They are all very close to her . The prospect of losing her is killing me . Although I have accepted what's coming the fear of watching her slip away makes me feel physically sick . I have done nothing but cry for the last 24hrs . I've had four hours sleep and I'm not sat here typing on this forum with tears rolling down my cheeks as I feel absolutely lost and I guess I'm reaching out . Just typing how I feel is lifting some pressure . It's like watching a scary movie and not being able to switch it off , you just have to sit and watch it . It's bloody torture watching somebody you love fade away infront of your eyes . Me & my sister have been caring for my mum day and night since her surgery in jan , fitting it around work and the kids bit we've managed . I slept over with my youngest to look after her after her biopsies. Showered her , virtually carried her when she couldn't walk , arranged support , mobility aids , administered meds , injections everything for the last few months thinking it was temporary . That she would get better . 
I wish this was just a nightmare I could wake up from x