Sorry to read this, Tilly. What awful, shocking news :( 

I don't have any words of wisdom.....there are two choices I guess 1. You somehow put him off and let him believe there's treatment on the way or 2.....you're honest.

For me personally.....I would find 1) very difficult to deal with. It's a lot of responsibility to carry....it would take a great deal of  strength putting on a brave face like that....also....the opportunity for you both to grieve together in these precious days may be lost if you were to make out that everything was fine and treatment is on the way. 
 

What do you feel...knowing your partner...would be the best approach xxx? 
 

Hi there Tilly

such awful news and so cruel why won't these doctors offer your partner some chemo even if it's palliative? Scary. I think these doctors just give up on some patients. I think they may with my dear sweet mum who has stage 4 bowel cancer . She's not young at 72 and with Coronavirus they might just say no. 
 

I understand how helpless and devastated you must feel. I feel like that right now. I wish mum hadn't had the liver biopsy either they knew she had bowelcancer so there was not any need. Such upsetting times for us all. I wish you both strength and peace. Take care 

Hi Citygirl and i hate cancer

Thanks for your replies.  My husband is only 63 but they said there was nothing they can do.

I know these are difficult times and it seems its the worst time to be ill as all services are so stretched.

I am hoping to get some insights from the nurses when they come. Hes in a lot of pain aswell so I am hoping they get back to me today. 

I do really want to be honest but don't want to make him worry because he can dwell on things but I know he nedds to know aswell as he's waiting to hear what treatment is planned for him.

I haven't spoken to anyone properly since this ordeal began - i just need advice and guidance .Braintrust charity have been great. I'll ask them aswell. 

Look after yourselves 

Hi Tilly, 

I am in a similar situation to you, my mum was diagnosed with an untreatable brain tumour (glioblastoma) a couple of weeks ago. We were handed a death sentence, sent home from the hospital and that's was it. 

It sounds like a difficult situation in regards to your husband's s forgetfulness. If I was you, I think I would probably just be honest and reiterate what's been said in the hope it sticks. However, at the end of the day, it all comes down to personal choice and you know your husband best. Maybe a specialist cancer/palliative care nurse would be able to offer you advice? This is all new to me too. 

I'm so sorry you have to go through this, it is such an awful disease. :(

Hi Tilly, I'm slightly different to your case, my darling wife has Alzheimers and parkinsons she's also had some TIA's (mini strokes) and got white matter brain decease (were the brain slowly dies).

Her long term memory is good, alot of short term memory is gone she can't move at all without help, and her speech is not good. 

I promised I'd look after her when we got old and I'm sticking to it, she doesn't know how bad she is so she's reasonably happy. She could die tomorrow it could be a year or more. If you're thinking why are we on a cancer forum. I'm on palliative care since February 2016 just living with my uninvited guest. 

As long as she's reasonably happy I'm going to keep looking after her and definitely not telling her what's wrong with her she knows about parkinsons and Alzheimers and on meds for that.. 

Try thinking from the other person would you like to be told what is wrong with you or just not know and carry on with things. 

What ever you choose good luck and best wishes. 

Billy 

Hi Tilly.

My name is Tony im a 48 year old male with a tumour on my brain stem / spine.

4 weeks ago i lost all use of my right hand side and was told it was a stroke.

to cut a long story short 24 hours ago it was confirmed i have a high grade tumour that cant be biopsiid as it wilkl kill me cant be removed and can only be slowed down.

my partner charlotte is now dealing with a strong alpha male that cant drive his truck anymore or earn a living anymore and has a 12-15 month lfe expantancy.

We dont know our next steps and for me am more scared for her than i am for myself.

I dont know the answers for you or us but now is not the time for hiding things from each other.

I can promise you his main conceren is you....... its not about us anymore.

All my love Tony.

Hi Tony, Billy and Orchid 

Thank you for your lovely messages.  It is so overwhelming to hear everyones stories on here and comforting to know we are not alone and everyone has such compassion for eachother.

I find everyones story an inspiration and that gives me strength to try and be strong.

Thanks for the advice- he knows now whats happening and that we don't know how long he has - at least he did know and talk about it the other day but has since been sleeping a lot so I'll wait and see if he brings it up again. 

Going through all this during the virus crisis makes it even more surreal and I do feel quite scared and alone at times. Hopefully soon we can get a live in carer to help which should ease my anxiety and I'll have somebody to talk to.

Thank you all for replying. I do appreciate the contact here and am inspired by your bravery.

Love

Tillybisto

Hi tilly, 

Glad we've helped and given you a few ideas. 

If you want to talk you know thares people who understand on the forum that's why we come on to try to help others or at least give an idea or a shoulder for support.. Best wishes. 

Billy 

Thanks Billy

He does remember the nurse talking about end of life care.  He is now saying he doesn't want to eat or drink anymore because he's dying.

This is what I feared would happen. Hopefully it's a stage of acceptance?  I think I might be the same.  

I don't know what to say or who I can tell. 

Is this a normal reaction? 

Thanks 

Tilly 

Hi Tilly

oh no that's not good that he doesn't want to eat I do understand how he must feel he must be so scared and fed up but refusing to eat is awful my mother has been doing the same since her diagnosis of cancer she just says what's the point it's so sad. With your partner though maybe it's just a shock reaction and it'll pass and he will get to feeling a little better despite this horrible thing. It's to late for my mum as she has other severe conditions not just cancer but COPD and perhaps now has covid on top of all that  I am heartbroken but I'm sending my best to you and your partner and wish better times for you both x