Hi shoelover, alot of people coming on forum like to write down what there worried about and thinking that's what the forum is all about. Hopefully others will get in touch.. I was given five years over four years ago. Been on palliative care since February 2016 so know my time is running out. But I've promised my wife I'd look after her when she got old she's nearly 14years older than me and i had to promise I'd look a her before she'd marry me. So I'm keeping going as long as i can and staying positive is a good way to do it. If i can help please let me know.. 

Billy 

Hi Shoelover,

I feel so sad for you. Life is more fragile than we ever guessed isn't it. Almost like you don't notice it until you're faced with it running out in front of you. Talking to family and friends about what is really going through your mind is often difficult. These people love us and don't want to lose us but, at the same time, are also trying to work out how to carry on after you're not there. I've often thought that if it weren't for the pain etc it would be an easier ride for us. So I feel for you, I often lay awake, like tonight, and wonder if I should talk more or to other people, different people.

I joined this site 7 years ago when, at age 43, I was diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer. Since then, like you, I have been on anda wild ride with a brief stop at Prostate Cancer but, by some miracle, I managed to get to here. Also, like you, my daughter was, at the time, 3 and years old my son 8 - making me feel like cancer was hurting them more than it was hurting me.

So now I know there's little hope for me. It's in my liver and lymph nodes and I'm on a treatment to slow it's growth rather than to cure it (palliative). My takeaway, my only nugget of wisdom, is to create memories with thise you love. Be silly, be a mum (dad in my case) and remind them that you love them everyday.

Take care

Dave

Hi ShoeLover, Very sad to read your awful story. We are all going through our cancer journeys: yours is one of the worst ones. 42 is ridiculously young. xx Harry

Hello,  

I started my Cancer journey in January 19  ( womb cancer ) I'm 55  and at that point , like you they were cautiously optimistic.  Unfortunately in December, they said it was in my lung and liver and was not curable and have given me 12 month,

for approx 2 years I kept going to the GP,s with heavy bleeding and the pain got worse, kept telling me It was just my age/ menopause .  I was very fit, marathon runner and a healthy eater.  It was a huge shock. 

I wasn't blessed with children , my plan this year was to make memories, travel enjoy ilife to the full But this virus has stopped that for now.   I'm on chemo again along with a trial drug to try and slow it down.   It is a scary thought that I might not be here this time next Year.  So I try not to think about it,  when I take my dog out ( away from everyone now)  I breath in the air and say to myself, well I'm alive now, so let's make the most of it..

my partner is in denial! I can't explain to him that I get very tired and I can't seem to bounce like I use to.
I have a very small family circle mum and dad ( late 70's/80's) and my sister and her partner. They live in England and I live in Scotland.  I try not to worry my parents but no matter how old you are, they worry.  

There isn't much I can say to make things better except enjoy your beautiful boy making lots of fun happy memories( no matter how small)  and try not to dwell on what will happen, because none of us know exactly when!   They said 12 months but I'm still hoping for 5 years
 

I have been posting in the forum called "My Dad Has pancreatic cancer". My heart goes out to you. My husband has just gone. He fought it until 3 weeks ago. Age 58 so full of life & dreams but chemo just wouldn't work for him. This virus is crippling everything.  Stay strong and fight xx

Hello shoe lover,

your story is heart wrenching and it touched me. I have no advice or any experience of what you are going through. Had cancer diagnosed but it’s not like your experience. I feel so so saddened at your situation. 

I think this site though is good to get out what you might yearn to say but find yourself faltering with family and those who are close. Everyone here ‘gets it’  and I have found so many caring and understanding people  just by writing down how I feel. It helps especially on the toughest days. 

I can only say that so many people on this sight have had the worst of diagnosis but sometimes they still come through. I hope you do. I hope also you enjoy that beautiful boy. Love is so important in our struggles. What else actually matters? 

Take care  and go as well as you possibly can  

Kebbs x 

How did you get on about your scan?

Heartbreaking to read your post. Going through this at any time would be dreadful but with so much upheaval and uncertainty around us it makes it even worse.

My heart goes out to you and your son.

I hope you make it back to the forum to read the supportive comments and to let us know how you are doing.

I don't know how you are carrying on doing what you're doing but do what works for you. 

With love

Andrea x

Would really like to know how you are doing

Xx

I hope you are doing ok despite the issues our country is facing. Are you still able to get out for a walk? Enjoy nature?

Best Wishes

Andrea