Cancer Research UK main site

My dad has terminal cancer

L_S
Offline

Hi Guys

I'm not really sure how to put this because I am not the best with words but basically we have just found out my dad has terminal lung cancer as there isn't anything more they can do for him

They first found out he had lung cancer 4 years ago, it was stage 4 but they couldn't operate on him because it had spread to the lymph nodes so they put him through chemo and radiotherapy, he has chemo for quite a while and it worked really well, it shrunk the cancer which they wasn't expecting so then he had radiotherapy and it actually disappeared and he went into remission for 3 years but he had permeant scarring on his lung and only had a quarter of it working

Just before Christmas he had a scan and they found it come back on the same lung he had all the treatment on but it didn't come back big, just a couple of spots and they didn't seem worried about it so they put him on 8 sessions of radiotherapy so he had that and then a few weeks ago he had a scan

Found out today that it has come back on the same lung he originally had it on and it's come back around the same size it was before so they cannot do anything for him now other then put him on target therapy and they to contain it

It's so scary knowing that I am going to lose my dad and its just a matter of time, it's come back so quick within a couple of weeks I am scared it's come back very aggressive and he could have only a matter of weeks or even just a few months left

I just don't know how to feel, what to do, what I can do, how to prepare I am going to lose my dad

I just don't know how to handle it, he's done well as this has been going on for about 4 years so I know we have done well to get that long out of him but now reality has hit and it is terminal so we have to come to terms of losing him and it's the hardest thing in the world to get my head round knowing I am going to lose someone that I am so close to and respect and love so much

  • Offline

    Hello

    I lost my dad two weeks ago, three years after he was diagnosed with terminal mesothelioma.

    I adored my dad and losing him was my worst nightmare, but I just wanted you to know that I am surviving. 

    I expected to fall in to a pit of despair, fortunately your brain is your friend and seems to have a self preservation switch. I'm concerned it's going to suddenly hit me, but I intend to have therapy to  somewhat manage the grief.

    What I would advise from my experience is that you say everything to him that you want to, really tell him how you feel. Start working out where he might die if at all possible so that he is comfortable.

    Tell the people you are closest to what's going on so that they are there to support you. And importantly look after yourself. Eat and sleep properly, you feel so much worse if you don't, and you want to be as strong as you can be to support him in his final days.

    Read as much as you can about grief online, and what to expect when someone dies so that things are less shocking and you can be more emotionally prepared to deal with things. Also, in as much as you can and without upsetting him, be aware of his finances, bills, insurances etc to give yourself less to deal with later.

    It is scary and I know exactly how you feel, but you will be OK. Just make the most of the time you have with him now. If I think of anything else from my recent experience I'll come back. 

  • Offline

    Hey,

    My dad was diagnosed with cancer stage 4 terminal lung cancer with mets on the 28th October 2019. - it was a shock diagnosis. he went to the doctor struggling to breathe one day, they told him to go to a&e- 2 days later the news came.. the C word. 
     

    We were given 4 months but lost him on the 27th November 2019 - just 30 days later, he never came home as he his pain and breathing was never stabilised. 
     

    ive searched every forum everybit of advice, but the truth is. You'll process this how your mind and body allows it. What way is the right way and what was is wrong? . 
     

    all you can do is take each day and do what is needed My biggest regret, is that the few things my dad wanted to do before his time came we didn't get the chance to.  even simple requests like wanting to go outside one last time. We promised to sort it the next day, but by then he had deteriorated further and we didn't get the chance- it happened every time my dad asked for something - it just got snatched away the following day. 
    so the one bit of advice I'd say is there's anything he wants to do, don't waste the time,  just do it cause the next day things may just change again. 
     

    I'm 26 and living 2 months with out my dad. It's now starting to hit me he's no longer here. And who knows how's long that's going to last.  - let's face it.. it sucks *** but I'm surviving I'm  heathly and blessed to be here . And both blessed to have a loving father in our lives! 

    just know how ever you feel it's not wrong to feel it. It's normal and some one some where is feeling the exact same way. 
     

    im sorry your having to go through this. And I know my words arnt much help and probably a load of rubbish but I send you your dad and family love. 
    Look after each other 

     

    Francine x

  • Offline

    First of all I'm so sorry for you and your family, it's ***. I lost my dad last night and scouting the forums to find answers on why it all seems so surreal. But I would say take one day at a time, learn all about what products/services are available to help him as he deteriorates - my parents had the sofa lifted and a handrail fitted to the stairs by occupational health. Sadly my dad had a compressed spine meaning he lost mobility so had to spend the last few weeks inanursing home. He wasn't happy at first but became happier in the last week when he settled and got to know the staff. He died last night quietly with no pain on his own with no fuss as he would have wNted. So while I'm sad to have lost him, I take comfort he saw his family and friends, knew how loved he was and also that his condition didn't deteriorate further. Which is not how I expected to feel. So what I'm taking a long time to say is you just dint know what's going to happen and really you need to try and accept the diagnosis as philosophicaly as you can. We all all have our time. Take each day as it comes and try and find your peace with your dad. Much love x

  • Offline in reply to Cheryllou

    I feel just like you L_S, in finding comfort in the limited suffering and that my dad knew how loved he was and died in peace. Those are the things I'm focusing on and it's got me through the last few weeks. Sorry it's still so raw for you, get some sleep and eat properly, that's helped me immensely. 

Speak to a nurse

Quick links

Follow us

Registered with Fundraising Regulator (logo)
Cancer Research UK is a registered charity in England and Wales (1089464), Scotland (SC041666), the Isle of Man (1103) and Jersey (247). A company limited by guarantee. Registered company in England and Wales (4325234) and the Isle of Man (5713F). Registered address: 2 Redman Place, London, E20 1JQ.