I lost my nana in May last year. I always thought shed live forever. We were especially close, though I didn't live close to her latterly I'd be on the phone every other day for hours on end some times. 

Whe she was diagnosed we were told she would have at most 3 months and the doctors were right, she opted for no treatments the only thing she could have was chemo to ease the pain and she didn't want that really as she was scared she would be so ill with it. 

I last visited her a month before she passed on my birthday, that was the last time I saw her alive, she cried and told me it would be the last time shed see me, and it was, I can still see her sat on her chair telling me that. 

To start with there were days I thought my heart would literally break in two, even typing this get a knot in my throat and I know I'm going to cry afterwards. I cant look at pictures of her without getting upset, yet want to look at pictures all the time.  I even went ul into my attic and found some old videos of her from when my daughter was little, just so i could hear her voice. That's what i miss the most.  I've been tempted to call my nanas telephone just on the off chance she answers, mad isn't it! 

What I wanted to say in short was, at the time you think you wont cope, but somehow you do. Take care of yourself x

one of the last things my sister said to me is "you will cope".  and so will you.  life goes on even if it has to be without the ones we love.  it's a cliche but take everyday as it comes and find the time to say the things now.