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How near is the end?

MrsJones
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Hello!

My dad is dying of cancer. He was told at the end of August 2019 that he had a few weeks left. Hes at home and is very weak. Recently had a chest infection and is very confused. Not eating a lot. I know no one knows when or how someone will die. But I don't live near him and I want to be there when he dies. When should I go back? 

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    Hi,

    nobody has crystal ball.I would really urge you to go and see your Dad now. From what you say he is very ill. Do go and see him now rather than wait until he is too ill to know you. You may find he is able to recognise and understand you now, whereas if you wait there may be no chance of this. You may not get a second chance- if you do-great-but I would absolutely advise that if you are anxious,go now. I was in the same situation with my Mum and got to see her at home 5 hours before she died. She didn’t know I was there. I hope this helps, I think you will feel really sad if he died and you regretted not seeing him now. My thoughts are with you x

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    When breathing becomes laboured and in and out of conscious usually patients drift nearing the end gods blessing i think no crystal ball at this terrible time 

  • Offline in reply to ceriann

    Thank you for your reply. I'm sure your right. Thank you. 

  • Offline in reply to Losttocancer66

    Thank you. His breathing is pretty normal at the moment. So hopefully he has a few more weeks. It's hard to know when to take time off work. My mother has been off work since August because she's his full time nurse. Thanks for the reply

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    the final stages are hard to watch and to know its the final stages, i used to look online at the final stages and watched out for this signs but i still wasnt there when my dad passed i think he wanted it that way too he passed during his sleep with a smile on his face, but looking back his breathing did become different and when my sister called me in the evening she even commented his breathing seems different, ( i did the days she did the evenings then a night nurse did the nights) 

    look online like i did but also dont beat yourself if your not with him when he leaves .. when ever i left my dads side i always said love you x i take great comfort in that and i dont dwell on the fact he was with his night nurse when he passed, i dont believe she even knew the time he passed because he just went in his sleep 

    take care and dont beat yourself up about anything this passing away lark is out of anyones control 

    L x 

  • Offline in reply to daddiesgirl44

    My mums breathing only changed a couple of hours before she died so please don't think you have a few weeks left. If he is not eating it could be just days.  They can deteriorate very very quickly. On the Friday mum was eating and sitting up in bed. Saturday she stopped eating By Monday she had died.  It can be awfully quick. Get home now. You ideally want to get back to tell him you love him. Even if you have to go back home and he then passed away I think your last visit to him should be now.  At least do you can say your goodbyes 

  • Offline in reply to Beach45

    Thank you. I'm home with him now. 

  • Offline in reply to daddiesgirl44

    Thank you for your reply. I'm home with him now 

  • Offline in reply to MrsJones

    just take each hour has it comes x thoughts are with you x 

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