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Dad given two months to live.

MiGi
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Hi there, 

Im totally new here, I am just so upset right now and wondered if anyone had any advice. 

My dad got diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer last week. It was a shock. He only went to hospital with a chest infection. He came home on Saturday, they were giving the antibiotics a chance to work and had booked him in for a biopsy on the 30th but this morning he rumg me and told me he didn't feel well and said he thought he may have to go back to hospital as he'd been coughing up blood for two hours. I got to my parents in ten minutes, planned on putting him in my car and driving him to A and E but he was in absolute agony. It was horrific. So I called an ambulance. Later on it turned out its spread to his liver and nymph things

and the consultant told dad he only had a couple of months left in him. Mums been crying all day my dad has just gone into a state of shock. I'm trying to blank it out for now because I have to be strong. 

So then they moved dad to a ward for the night. Mum was told she would be able to stay with him over night but when we got to the ward the nurse was pretty harsh and direct with my mum and told her she couldn't stay with him. She said she'd had three other people ask and the answer was no. I couldn't believe it. Her tone, her manner, it was absolutely awful. My poor mother. The nurse then said if she wanted to stay that much she could sit in the day room but only for one night until my dad "gets used to it". They asked me to leave as it was 11pm by the time he went to the ward and away from my mum before I left I explained (through tears) to the nurse that my dad had just been given two months to live and that my parents were terrified and gutted and dad didn't want mum to leave him. I also explained that mum has really bad anxiety and is very sensitive so can't deal with stress as well as most but I was so hurt and upset for my mum. It was a huge blow after the worst week of her life and she was crushed. I've left her now stuck in the day room all night and I just can't believe this is how it is. If mum can't be with dad he will give up straight away. He needs her. Especially tonight. I thought it was so cruel to not let them stay together and to speak to mum like that or am I being over sensitive and this is what it's like if you're terminally ill in hospital? Thanks so much. Sorry for going on. Xxxxxxx

Parents
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    I am so very sorry for your family. I am also angry, unfortunately my husband also went through an awful time in hospital. Some of the nurses were just downright rude. I am still so angry about his awful treatment there. He discharged himself and came home he died two days later. There was a feeble attempt made to get him registered with a hospice, they called with an appointment after he had died. So please stand up for your Dads rights, Some people shoud never work in hospitals. I thank God every day my husband was  at home with me when he died.

  • Offline in reply to Brien

    Hey, 

    I'm so sorry they were so awful to

    your husband. I'm not surprised you're angry. I was really upset and that turned to anger when I saw my parents upset by it. For the life of me I cannot understand how they could be like that. It's such a sad and difficult time, for your husband to feel like he had to discharge himself like that is just awful. I don't think dad was on an actual cancer ward, there was a real mix of people and things going on so I'm not sure if they were lacking the training to be able to deal with terminally unwell patients and their families or what was going on but alot of it was just rudeness. My dads home now, I'm not sure how all this works but I'm guessing he will be back and forth to hospital for chemo and if he takes a turn for the worst. But hopefully we can avoid the hospital as much as possible. Although there are some amazing nurses there too. 

    Aaaaww best wishes and lots of hugs. Xxxxx 

     

     

  • Offline in reply to MiGi

    Thank you so much. Your right my husbands ward was  not a cancer ward so I suppose they just were not trained to cope. The only thing I can tell you that may help a little is when my husband was told he had terminal cancer he asked the Dr how long he had. He was told it could be months or years. Fortunately he did well on the chemo treatment and we were given almost three years. two and a half of these were good quality. Having said that if felt like someone had shot a gun and we were just waiting or the bullet to hit. It's a very stressful time for you and your Mum so take care of each other as well. 

    Thinking of you

    Best wishes and hope you can all have some happy months ahead,

    xxxx

Reply
  • Offline in reply to MiGi

    Thank you so much. Your right my husbands ward was  not a cancer ward so I suppose they just were not trained to cope. The only thing I can tell you that may help a little is when my husband was told he had terminal cancer he asked the Dr how long he had. He was told it could be months or years. Fortunately he did well on the chemo treatment and we were given almost three years. two and a half of these were good quality. Having said that if felt like someone had shot a gun and we were just waiting or the bullet to hit. It's a very stressful time for you and your Mum so take care of each other as well. 

    Thinking of you

    Best wishes and hope you can all have some happy months ahead,

    xxxx

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