Hey! 

I feel for you, this turns everything upside down and it's really difficult to navigate your way through it all while trying to do the best for your loved one. I've never experienced this before, I've never had anyone close to me have cancer so it's completely new. 

My dad is home now. I stayed at the hospital all day Tuesday chasing up the oxygen. I think it finally arrived at my parents house at 5 or 6 pm. We had a quick demo and safety talk then I went and got dad with the portable oxygen and brought him home. I went to see him yesterday, he seems ok. He's actually looking really good now (apart from the weightloss, he was never this skinny) and mum did say it's like he's not ill again now, so weird. 

I think we all just have to stay as positive as we can (even though that is so hard because of the obvious) stay nice and calm and as rested as possible and although we have to care for someone else I think we have to make extra effort to look after ourselves. I'm finding that deep breathing is really helping me. I'm eating really healthily and I'm pampering myself a bit too (bubble bath, face mask, anything like that where we can have a little bit of time to breathe and relax). Even a five or ten minute power nap I find helps me, but yes, it's a really bad situation and heartbreaking. 

Lots of love and hugs everyone. Xxxxxxx

I am so very sorry for your family. I am also angry, unfortunately my husband also went through an awful time in hospital. Some of the nurses were just downright rude. I am still so angry about his awful treatment there. He discharged himself and came home he died two days later. There was a feeble attempt made to get him registered with a hospice, they called with an appointment after he had died. So please stand up for your Dads rights, Some people shoud never work in hospitals. I thank God every day my husband was  at home with me when he died.

Hey, 

I'm so sorry they were so awful to

your husband. I'm not surprised you're angry. I was really upset and that turned to anger when I saw my parents upset by it. For the life of me I cannot understand how they could be like that. It's such a sad and difficult time, for your husband to feel like he had to discharge himself like that is just awful. I don't think dad was on an actual cancer ward, there was a real mix of people and things going on so I'm not sure if they were lacking the training to be able to deal with terminally unwell patients and their families or what was going on but alot of it was just rudeness. My dads home now, I'm not sure how all this works but I'm guessing he will be back and forth to hospital for chemo and if he takes a turn for the worst. But hopefully we can avoid the hospital as much as possible. Although there are some amazing nurses there too. 

Aaaaww best wishes and lots of hugs. Xxxxx 

Hey,

Thanks so much. He's home now. We're in touch with the community nurses etc... After the biopsy on Wednesday (takes 10 days for the results) they'll tell us exactly what's going on and what treatments are available. If the consultant said he only had about 2 months left I'm not sure dad will be wanting to go through chemo just for an extra few months. I can understand your Mum in law not wanting treatment, it's such a personal thing, if I had cancer at my age (42) I'd want any treatment they could give me to survive mainly because I have small children but if I was much older I'd seriously think twice about it. 

It is only 16 days, I knew absolutely nothing about cancer until then and now it's all I think about. 

Take care, lots of love. Xxxxxxxx

Thank you so much. Your right my husbands ward was  not a cancer ward so I suppose they just were not trained to cope. The only thing I can tell you that may help a little is when my husband was told he had terminal cancer he asked the Dr how long he had. He was told it could be months or years. Fortunately he did well on the chemo treatment and we were given almost three years. two and a half of these were good quality. Having said that if felt like someone had shot a gun and we were just waiting or the bullet to hit. It's a very stressful time for you and your Mum so take care of each other as well. 

Thinking of you

Best wishes and hope you can all have some happy months ahead,

xxxx

Hi Brien,

I'm so sorry to read about your awful experience with the hospital when he needed end of life care - there is simply no excuse for it. This has nothing to do with a lack of specialist training it is about basic compassionate nursing and treating people with dignity and respect. Receiving a referral to a hospice after your husband died is unforgivable and inexcusable. It also indicates to me systemic failings in a Trust's processes. In a well managed Trust the registration of a patient's death by the GP results in all patient appointment letters being sent out to avoid exactly this situation.

Please channel your anger into making a formal complaint to the Trust's Chief Executive coped to the CCG and the Care Quality Commission. Those in charge and those supposed to be inspecting hospitals need to be made aware of the grief caused by these failings and those responsible held to account and action taken to stop another family (possibly mine) being treated so shamefully. 

Best wishes
Dave

The GP also had a problem with the hospital. He had to wait over a week to get the details of my husbands treatment from the hospital. Him and his secretary called all the time for this paperwork. All it took in the end was an e mail, unfortunately I could not register the death because I needed the certificat e from the Dr. This of course delayed everything. It really was unbelievable.

So sorry to read this all so shocking and frightening contact PALS they will have one at the hospital and tell them what has happened.Wishing you peace and praying for you all

Thank you. Perhaps when I feel a little better I will, Its all very new to me and being without my husband still feels too raw.

Again thanks for the advice

Best wishes

Betty