Thank you for sharing your story. It has helped me. Mum was diagnosed 2 years ago with lung cancer. They were not going to do any treatment as mum has other various health issues but she told the doctor that she was not ready to die! So they have her one bout of targeting radiotherapy and it worked!. Fast track to February this year. Mum was losing a lot of weight. I hadn't noticed at first as I am with her all the time. Her voice had gone really quiet and you could hardly hear her. I thought this was a side effect of her Parkinson's. We had 5 letters cancelling mums cancer review with the cancer nurse. I contacted the Parkinson's nurse to see about mums voice and that maybe her meds need changing and she came out to visit mum. She said in her voice had nothing to do with Parkinson's as it sounded too hoarse. So I contacted cancer nurse. By this time covid had hit so nurse wouldn't see mum so I asked if she could have a CT scan. Following week she had one and on 5th May the doctor called me to say mum has 2 to 3 months at the most. I am heartbroken. I am looking after her myself and every day can be a challenge. She is so frail but is a fighter.  We have just celebrated her 81st birthday with a social distance garden party with her sons and their families which she enjoyed. In a way I am sorry the doctor gave us a time frame as I am on a count down now. 

Hi friend. Just read your message , what a fantastic person you are just reading this brought tears to my eyes. I hav only been on this site for a couple of weeks or so but i am so thankful i did as the people i have come across and their courage and strength just shows what we can do if we all talk and come together and not let this horrible c word take over our lives..i wish you and your family all the very best.xxlgod bless.xxx

Hi,

first of all all I am so sorry for the loss of your mum. I also lost mine September past to a stroke. Very fast and unexpected, broke me into a million pieces. You should be so proud of everything you did and how special you made her last days here. 

So im a bit scared and confused. My granda has just been diagnosed with lung cancer 3 weeks ago. He’s had his scans and CT and a bone scan. The tumor is 8cm at the bottom of his left lung, and has spread to the lymph nodes only on the left side mainly by his collar bone. There is potential it’s already gone to his adrenal gland but any and all spreading is so far confined to the left side. Bone scan came back all clear. Here is where the confusion begins, he is 78 and has a long list of health conditions so a biopsy is out of the question as is any kind of treatment. We haven’t been told a stage or anything at all to be honest. They just don’t know and have no way of finding out. Has anyone ever been in this situation and what was the outcome? I just want to know how long I have left with him. He’s my everything. I don’t have a dad and never did, he is the only dad iv ever known. 

It started with pain in the shoulder 3 weeks ago to which we got him seen and they found the tumor. The hospice nurses are now involved in his care and have started him on some pretty heavy medication which had to be increased the next week. So he’s on 10mg morphine tablets twice a day and he takes oxycodne liquid as and when he needs it for his breathing. 

This is where I need advice the most. He’s gone downhill so fast. The nurses say it’s the meds but I don’t know I’m scared. Before this he walked with a walking stick and could easily move around for a short period of time and could always do everything for himself like going to bed, the toilet, shower etc. Since he’s been on the new meds and we got the diagnoses he can’t even get out of his recliner chair by himself or even reposition himself. He can’t walk without someone holding him at all, not even 2 steps. This is so scary and he has detoriated so so fast with his movement and breathing. Is this normal on these meds?? 

Please someone help, I’m so scared

Another note to mention, he’s been having a lot of falls at night time. A lot of confusion as to where he is when he wakes up in the night and he just gets out of bed and tried to get up and dressed or sometimes goes to the toilet and will fall over. 

I'm so so sorry to hear this!

get on the phone to the Macmillan nurses, they are the best to give you a bit of a time frame. Ask them to be straight with you.

It's very hard to tell with your granda's age as any infection will affect his mobility. However, my mum was unable to have a biopsy and I'm sure her tumour was 8-10cm and they automatically said this was stage 4 as it was large. They didn't know of any spread which is another factor they use to decide stages, any spread is stage 4.

I don't want to worry you and I'm no expert I'm going by my experience, but I wanted brutal honesty so I'm offering the same to you.

My mum had 9 weeks, my nan (her mum) died of the same and had 6 months. They kept telling me "a few short months" but in the last couple of weeks they were able to tell me it would be soon. 
 

Speak to the nurses and ask for brutal honesty. There is only so much they can go by but as they get to know him more, they will be able to judge better.

This forum helped me so much, if there is anything you need, feel free to message me xx

Thank you for getting back to me. I finally feel better knowing I’m not alone and this does happen to many people. 

His macmillan nurses are to come out the end of next  week so I’m going to call tomorrow and see if they can come out any earlier. I will take your advice and ask them as we as a family just want to know what we are dealing with. 

Thank you you for being honest. This is exactly why I came here, I need the truth no matter how difficult it may be to hear. I’m so sorry about your mum & your Nan. I can’t even begin to imagine. 

I did look online to see if I could get a stage and I also came up with stage 4 as the tumor is larger than 8cm and it has spread although the drs will not confirm a stage so I thought someone here may be able to help and I was right. 

I do think the meds are making him weak and confused as he’s seems to be getting back to himself a bit the longer he’s been on them. I’m hoping this will settle down soon. Did your mum or nan take morphine tablets? 

Thank you so so much, honestly I know it probably wasn’t easy to write your reply but I appreciate it more than you could know. Im engaged and had no plans of a wedding since my mum passed, but I always had wanted my granda to give me away so I needed to know if this could even be possible as I really want him to be there so now I know I need to plan ASAP. 

Xx

Hello, I have came on here to just try and seek some comfort and reassurance and I know that there isn’t much of this around this awful disease. Your mums story has really touched me. My Dad has treatment stopped for NSC lung cancer in August his decision as he was informed there was not much else they could do medically. 

Unfortunatley I feel we are now watching my dad come to the end of his life and it is heartbreaking. I am trying to be strong for my mum but watching his suffering is just so painful. He’s been so brave but does not have any contact with nurses since covid (they do offer) but in the current pandemic he knows if he goes to hospital he will be away from his family and isolated in his last days/weeks months. And this is really what I come to ask can anyone give me any relative ideas of time frames he does not have oxygen it’s not that I don’t think he needs this but he has not been reassessed in the last 4 months and has deteriorated greatly in this time. He is in bed 24/7, practically anything that he eats he vomits right away. 

We are in this awful period of waiting waiting for something to happen and I feel like I would rather know if we are days or weeks away as I need to prepare my son he is only 4 and although being very brave just like his grandad is becoming really distressed from just picking up on all of these things going on. X

Thank you for your honesty I'm sure it will help so many. It's the worst just not knowing if mum has weeks or months to live. She said she feels well now. They can't give her any more chemo as she has too many toxins. She had a blood transfusion as her count was so low. They have just put her in touch with a hospice in case she needs them which she cried and said she doesn't as it made her feel like she is dying and she wants another few years ( I know this is unlikely but we re going along with what mum believes) she is eating ok now and not bring sick. She has anti sickness tablets snd steroids. They gave her morphine to take at night to help her sleep. She has been offered radiotherapy. She has constant phlegm in her throat which makes her horse and her voice is quiet and squeaky. She is only breathless if she does too much, although mostly she sits watching tv or knitting etc. I wish I knew the timeline of what happens next what to look out for when she has weeks left - etc. I feel like each day I'm phoning her ( can't visit due to Covid) snd not knowing truly how she is or how/ if it is progressively getting worse. Can anyone shed some light on how I know or what happens in later stages I guess - what comes next? 

Hi suzipoo,

Welcome to Cancer Chat. I just wanted to send a reply to say that the user you are replying to hasn't been active on the forum in a little while. You may receive a reply, but if not then you can always start a new thread and hopefully encourage replies that way.

Wishing you all the best,

Ben
Cancer Chat Moderator

Hi, 

I will always respond to any of my posts xx