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my beloved grandpa is dying

LAACONNOR
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I feel really guilty about posting this as nobody knows im doing it i just selfishly need some support at the moment. it  feels wrong but im scared ill resort to maladaptive coping mechanisms to cope with the fact my beloved grandpa is dying of caner. He was only diagnosed about a month ago and hes just gone into a hospice. I went to see him yesterday and it broke my heart to see him so poorly. I really dont want to lose him. Ive got some long term health issues that im only just recovering from myself but i feel like his death is really going to knock me. Does it ever get any easier? He doesnt have long left and its destroying me. I love him so so much and i just dont want him go. He has cancer of the liver, stomach and lymth nodes, is he in pain? He says he isnt but I can tell hes really struggling...its so heartbreaking...

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    It's a horrible and crap situation to be in.

    I'd say if you can, continue to see him as I'm sure it'll be a great comfort and support to him, if unsure ask him honestly how he wants you to be around him, does he want help, does he want to chat about life and memories or does he just want you to sit with him, maybe read him the paper or read him a book while he rests, if he's well maybe even play a bored game? That way the visits will have a focus? BUT you also really need to get support for yourself...there is no shame in feeling rubbish and overwhelmed - it is rubbish and overwhelming!

    Maybe go and see your GP and talk to them? There are options for you to have counselling, meds and other coping rescources that they can point you too. MacMillan also may be able to help and talk to you?

    There may be local support groups in your area or even chatting in forums can help to get advice from ppl you don't know in ways to cope with your grief.

    I'm not sure if you work or where but some places have free support available if you ask HR they may be able to offer you some compassionate leave or support with hours etc...

    Wishing you well!

  • Offline in reply to Lg

    thankyou for your advice and kind words, i sat with my grandpa monday and he was so peaceul, he died tuesday at 5pm, im really struggling but im going to keep fighting and making him proud.

  • Offline in reply to LAACONNOR

    My grandpa died 4 years ago yesterday, the 5th of September. He was basically my father, I lived with him and my grandma my whole life. He died of lung cancer after having it for 2 years. 

    I'd be lying if I said it gets easier as time goes on, it doesn't get easier but it does become less painful. 

    But you deserve all the time you need to grieve. Cry all you want, talk about him as much as you want, tell your family you miss him as I'm sure they do too. 

    Talking about him is one of the best things you can do, no only does it keep a part of him with you it makes everyone more comfortable about the situation. 

    I'm sure no matter what you do in life you'll make him proud, but the best thing you can do to make him proud is look after yourself. There should be nothing  more important! 

  • Offline in reply to LAACONNOR

    Sorry to hear that. Glad you had time with him that was peaceful. X

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