Hi everyone, I have never done anything like this before. I am 26, and my Mum is dying of lung cancer. Her 44th birthday was this weekend. She was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer in Jan 2017 and was given approximately 6 months to live. Here we are 19 months on. 

She had a stroke at the time, which found the cancer in her lungs. Over the past 19 months she has been strong spirited, laughing and joking and giving herselg goals to get her mobility back. But unfortauntely not we are at a stage where she cannot fight no longer. The cancer has become more aggressive, the stroke has crippled her, and now I am effectively watching her die in front of me, and I can't digest it. To make it worse I live almost 250 miles away, work full time and am doing a p/t masters degree for my career, so I am far away. 

She is now pale and withdrawn and clearly very very unwell. She cannot move or even lift her head. She just sleeps, heavbilt reliant on morphine for her pain. She knows what is happening to her which makes iy even more unbearable. 

I am really struggling to understand how and why this happened to my Mum. She is so young, she never had a chance to live a proper life as she brought us up alone and just as she made her busines a success and planned her first holiday she was struck down with this awful disease. My heart is breaking and I cannot cope with what I am seeing. She clearly does not have long left - I wish I could swap places. How do I deal with this?