Hello George; I understand you are going through h*ll at the moment and nothing I or anyone can say and do will change that.  Don't beat yourself up about the syringe driver.  If you were watching your mum go through intense pain without relief that would tear you apart even more.  Having lost  my mother from cancer some years again now I remember how nothing seemed right and I was full of many different emotions.  When the mists eventually started to clear I realised that mam had been well cared for - she was in hospital and given the restraints of 1980s hospital she was treated kindly and well.    In those days the nurses had more time to do the job they were trained for and wanted to do!

54 is of course far too young to be losing your mum; mine was 70 when she died (which I also felt was too young).  I was angry (not sure who with!) because her own mam, my nana, had been unwell for a long time and my mam had cared for her every day until she died.  I felt that she should have been allowed to have some time for herself after my nana died but she didn't get that.

Try not to waste this precious time by raging against the late decision to send your mum to a breast consultant.  If you wish, you can ask questions of the hospital later on; I am not sure how much it will help you but if you cannot stop being angry about it then you can at least ask.

These next days will be very hard for you.  I am so sorry.  Annie

Hello. As I read your post I could feel your anger sadness and desperation. I'm so sorry your mum is going through this and as a consequence you and your family have also. I can relate to the speed at which you feel this is happening. I lost my mum to bladder cancer in 1995 when I was 24. She hadn't been to the doctors or complained and it was only when she stopped eating and complained of pain that she saw her gp. He called an ambulance straight away and she was admitted. She died less than 3 weeks later before the full extent of her illness was known. My mum was also put on the syringe driver and like your mum it was not possible to talk properly with her any more. I know from what you wrote that you don't know if the syringe driver was the right decision. All I can say to you is that after all these years I can honestly say that I would rather know that my mum was comfortable in her final days than able to talk to me. I believe that letting anyone you love go is the most selfless thing you can do....and you have done what is right for your mum. Take the time now to send with your mum. Each second stays with you. X

Thank you both for your kind and honest words. I know deep down that I would never want my mum to be pain and prior to the driver she really was. My mum is on the driver still and keeps waking up talking and is looking around her, she is still complaining of being in pain with her back. She is still there in some terms but in others she's not. Palliative care have spoken to us again and they have said that because she's in pain even on the driver and the extra doses of oxynorm that her driver medication should be increased. Shes comfortable now though  with the driver being at a low dose but was struggling this morning. I feel completely lost, sad and absolutely gutted that I know that she hasn't got long left. 54 years old is young and I feel angry that I've been robbed of my mum at such a young age, I've just turned 30. Thank you to you both x