Hi,

They say that severe illness brings out the best and the worst in people and your story seems to bear this out. Whatever reason your Dad thinks he has for treating you like this won't disappear because he has cancer. People often hope that having cancer will make someone into a nicer person, often it just makes them worse.

You've done your best for your Dad but your main concern needs to be your own family - .your wife and children need to be your main priority now. You cannot stop your Dad from dying, but you can stop your own family from suffering from economic hardship. It is so hard to get the balance right but you know how easy it is for debts to pile up and for things to spiral out of control. 

Your Dad's death will have repercussions on your Mum and brother, but all you can do is be there to support them when he is gone. They may both surprise you and be more resilient than you imagine.

You cannot fix this and will go mad if you try. All you can do is do your best for your family - including wife and children.

Best wishes
Dave

Hi there ... so sorry your dad can't see what an amazing son he has ... I too fell out with my son bout 5 years ago (due to nasty wife who wanted me out his life, long story) and when they split up last year thought I might have a mirical of seeing him again ... while in hospital having my masectomy I looked at the ward door just hoping he may walk through as I know he knew what and where I was ...

If only he'd have done just a fraction of what you did, it would have meant the world to me ... I still believe in mirricals  ... and will never give up hope ... you should hold your head up high and he may not apprisiate you but as a mother, i would be so proud to have a son like you  

My ex doesn't have much to do with both our sons and the only thing I feel for him is sad ... he also hasn't got a clue as just how amazing they both are ... so now may be time you look after your heart and sure your mum will need you later an your brother and bet they will see just how wonderful you are ... 

Big hug xx

Chriss,

That's so sad. Track him down and make the first move. 

Cheers

Dave - #nothingtolose/somuchtogain! 

Hi guys,

Thanks for the advice first of all, I was contacted Wednesday with a call to say it's no longer weeks, it's a few days, then Thursday his GP came out to check on him - who then told us it will be the next day.

I stayed there with him forgetting completely about my bills, my wife supported me through the whole thing, he passed Friday morning and it was such a horrible experience to witness.

I tried hugging him close to the end by he pushed me away, I didn't let this get to me as by this time he was fighting himself wanting to get out of bed.

He did not want to die and was frightened of going, the nurse explained his brain was still aware as to why he wouldn't settle and needed reassuring he was going to get better if he slept, he eventually slept then passed in his sleep but had a tear come from his eye shortly before and a little smile right before he left us.

I held his hand as his pulse got weaker with my mum next to me and his mum on the other side, gave him a kiss as he passed then went upstairs to reassure my brother that our dad has gone to a better place and that he will always be around.

As i have never had a good relationship with him I thought I wouldn't be effected but it was a traumatic experience for me. I have done nothing but cry to the realisation I will never be able to speak to him ever again but everybody has told me I've done him proud.

I'm glad he's in a much better place, pain free.

My heart goes out to you ... I'm glad you got to say good bye ... there's no words that can ease your pain at the moment but from someone who's lost their mum and dad my thoughts are with you and just maybe his tear was for you too ... look after your kind heart in the days to come and know it's normal to have lots of different emotions ... big hug xx hope you keep in touch as putting down your feelings here may ease things slightly , bless your heart ️