Thanks for the reply. Its so awful to read some of the posts on here, how this horrible illness affects so many people. 

Since my initial post my father in law has deteriorated again. Lumps appearing on his face and chest, and being incredibly disoriented and confused.  We were hoping his confusion was the drugs he was on or the fact the drs thought he may have an infection somewhere and was dehydrated, but it seems as though the cancer may have spread again and is affecting his brain now.  

I feel so useless to my partner and his mother, there are literally no word's I can find to help. I cannot believe in the space of 3-4 days he has gone from one extreme to this. My partner is so very upset he says there is just nothing there when he's speaking to his dad, completely vacant .

My son is now asking more and more about his grandad, just don't feel I should by lying to him but at the moment there is no alternative.  I hope this will not be a long process for all involved, it's terrible to see everyone suffering.

Annette that is awful. If you all even had time, to process this terrible news but it's came like a bolt. There are no words but by you just being there for your family you're doing all you can. Your poor wee boy, I dread the day this comes as well. I would say he knows something's wrong when grandads in the hospital. Can I ask what age your father in law is? 

My FIL is only just 63, not even retired yet. It's so unfair and cruel. We are all heartbroken.

He has deteriorated rapidly in the last 24 hours, barely conscious, not eating or drinking. It has been confirmed the cancer had spread to his brain, and that he's had a bleed on the brain also so had been very confused - at one point he thought everyone was trying to kill him  

We were told 2 days ago one of his lungs has collapsed, and when we asked how long he had, were told possibly 2 weeks more likely 1.  FIL had been transferred to DMH today, my partner however has had a call to say he should come as his dad is much much worse and they feel the end may be imminent.

I'm at home with my son, trying to act as normal as possible but I'm finding it very hard. I really cannot believe our whole world has been turned upside down in the space of a week.

Oh Annette that is so scary and terribly sad how quick this has happened.  There are no words, everything is coming at a rapid pace I'm sure you don't know what to do. I wish you well anyway Annette, just being there is the main thing for your family, stay strong X

Lisa 

Hi Annette.  I am so so sorry to hear your story.  If it helps at all, you are not alone.  Our story is a little similiar in that within the space of a couple of weeks, we have been told that my dad has aggressive terminal bowel cancer as it has spread to his stomach lining, liver and lung.  We have been told that he is currently too weak for chemo and he is currently in hospital having ascites fluid drained, currently running total is 9 litres.  I have five children and all are so close to their grandad.  My eldest usually goes to football three times a week with him and they have a very strong bond. My youngest, like your son, keeps asking where grandad is.  I know exactly how you are feeling, we too as a family are absolutely devastated and cannot believe all this has happened in such a short space of time.  Life just doesnt seem fair sometimes. Stay strong, I know it is hard xx

Hi all, thank you for all your kind words. I am so very sorry to hear of your stories too, I offer you my deepest sympathies with all you are facing, everyone is so brave -those fighting their illnesses and those who are there to comfort and support.

Everyone's stories are so very touching and it is incredibly emotional to read them all. Although it is upsetting it enables you to take comfort in that so many people feel the same, and of course some people are going through so much worse than yourself. I really wish there was some way to make it easier on all involved, but obviously know that is an impossible task.

Im afraid we HAD to have the dreaded conversation with our son this morning as unfortunately my father in law lost his battle last night - 3 weeks after his initial diagnosis.

Our son has taken the news better than expected, he hasn't asked too many questions as yet, but I am sure they will come in time. 

I am so pleased that yesterday I decided to go and see my father in law, for what I knew would be one last time, albeit not expecting anything to happen quite so soon after I left.  I returned home to allow my partner to go to visit his father as usual, he called me to say he was on his way home to enable me to sort out an evening meal (obviously normal meal times had gone out of the window recently).  A short time later I received a second call to say put in on hold, 'dad' had passed away.  

My partner was not there in his father's final moments, however his mother was.  I did not realise until this morning, that he had quietly told his mum last night he didn't want to be there when anything happened, something I think his father had heard and had acknowledged (while this may seem far fetched to some -each to their own - there have been many strange occurrences in my life, and others deaths, that this is my belief).

ATM however my overwhelming emotion is GUILT. Guilt for the hour/hour and a half I spent there yesterday evening rather than my partner spending that time with his dad, silly I know, but true.  Whilst I'm glad I went one last time, I feel it should have been him there -im sure this will pass with time.

For me it has stirred up alot of old emotions, I lost my own mum in similar circumstances speed wise (however not illness wise - no cancer involvement).  

For all of those families struck my this devastating illness I offer you my deepest love, support and admiration for your strength and determination to help and be there for your loved ones.  Stay strong, look after yourselves, and take comfort in the knowledge that they will be soon out of pain, free of suffering and awaiting you in a much better place.

My son will be looking to the stars tonight to say goodnight to his Grandad and Grandma. I will be doing the same but also thinking about so many more people too.

God bless you and thinking of you all - Annette xxxxx

Annette I'm thinking of you and your family at this time. Your father in law is at peace now, and your son has two very special people watching over him from above. Stay strong

Kind regards

Lisa